another good story.

I know what you mean . . . wanted also to add a story in cowork
with one of my friends. Though RL took a hold on us
aggain . . . . Then again we will post it also. ;)

I'd like to know if this fic WON'T be a Ranma/Akane matchup. If
so, I'd like to add your fic to my C² Community:

'Good Ranma!NONAkane matchup stories' currently 938 fics and
still going!

Furthermore, would you honor me with 'rating yourself' on my
homepage, which you can find through my profile here on
There in the 'Contact me'-section a little bit down you can
rate yourself.

Thank you!

You know I was only joking about the Mousse thing, but now it looks more likely... Strange LOL ^_^ Oh well I don't mind, I love seing unusual endings, after all it's really interesting watching Ranma fight a losing battle at trying not to fall inlove with a guy and becoming a girl ^_^

It is amazing how much of an improvement in a story some proofreading can make, or at least I assume that's what you've done. With the proofreading, your talent shows, whereas before someone would purely misjudge you, and think that you couldn't pull off an good story. This time, the grammar for the most part is good. You have good story telling abilities, and this chapter was enjoyable to read. I'm rooting for Kagome, I suppose the only true non-financee at this point.

There is room for improvement on the technical side. First, start a new paragraph whenever someone new is talking. Second, you haven't mastered the comma yet. You really should take some time and read up about Comma usage. It's fine to abuse commas in casual conversations like this, but in your story you should use commas correctly. Also, if you can, get a prereader, and make sure it is someone that has read up about such things as comma usage. Also, don't start using semicolons until you read up how to use them. There are a lot of people on that use them, maybe in an attempt to look smart, but they have the opposite effect because they don't use them right. Anyway, you should always proofread your work, and have several drafts of it, and then send it out to get preread to have someone find things you missed.

I am glad to see you continued this story. I like the x-overs your including in this story and look forward to seeing where you go with this

lol Sit happens.

Keitaro! Nice addition.
He survives because he can take heal anything short of a shattered bone, which is why they call him immortal. How he got that way, I don't know.

Well, could've been worse with Mousse. I don't remember him ever beating Ranma, though.

its interesting, but please pay better attention to dialogue paragraphs. there were several that where not proken up properly, and that makes them harder to read, and you loose some o the effect if its above a certain level. the second to last paragraph in ch2 is a prime example. it needs ot eb broken up a bit.

An interesting story, especially for one that you wrote based on a contest. Let me know the next time there is a writing contest. I'm always up for someone else picking the topic for a story.

Anyway, an interesting beginning. Did you get the idea that Ranma and Inuyasha are the same because they use the same voice actor in the anime? That's the thought that had always crossed my mind when I watched. And having her be there as a POSSIBLE fiancee, that's a new twist. I liked it.

Some good possibilities going here and there could be any number of ways that you can take this. Do you have any more of the story mapped out or are you planning on playing this by ear?

Not bad.

GREAT CHAPTER! (*x4) When it rain, it pour.

more! more! lovely story.

Ok, so you have Kagome, where's InuYasha? Cute, keep writing!

LOL Would be funny if Ranma wound up with Mouse of all people ^_^

Okay, lets see... There several problems here. First of all, The Grammar and punctuation of your piece are just horrible. Next, you need to work on expressing yourself more clearly. You call Mara, Marla. And, there are some plausibility problems in your story. On the plus side, it does seem you have quite an imagination. Anyway, you need to work on a lot of things, to become a better writer.

Looking good.