hee hee revenge is sweet >:D she shot them both
she aims well after 10 beers lol

7 chapters of them getting beaten by their monster parents. talked about f*cked up. i kept waiting for them to be in the lab. they would still endure more pain, but at least at the end of it, they could take revenge on all that have wronged them

Obviously writing violent stories is not a sin, because if it was, then those Left Behind books wouldn't have been written, I haven't read them, But I've seen the movies, and it was somewhat violent. And if it was a sin to write voilence, then it would be a sin to read or watch violence too, and then you wouldn't be writing the story or watching DBZ. Or any show, since most shows today contain atleast some violence. Even old Bugs Bunny is violent. I mean, characters get shot, blown up, pushed off cliffs, and yet, it is okay because they never really get hurt. But if a show shows the results of what would happen realistically in that situation, then people see it as bad. So crazy, so crazy, is the world...

Ah, it was on Myspace? And people wonder why I don't hang out on that site, I've already been hurt on it, and I wasn't even a member. Someone got my email who knew who I was, made me a fake account with false cruel and hurtful things said about me. And I find it strange that my church's youth pastor has a myspace page, and they are supposed to set good examples. It's not blog sites that I hate, but its their potential to be used in a bad way. It's just so wonderful when you are harrassed at school and at home, and feel like the internet is where no one knows you and you can totally be someone else, and then something happens to turn even the internet unenjoyable. Of course, that's sarcasm.

ToaoK

Was your friend someone you knew personally or someone you met online? I can see how they could have easily lied about all that over the internet, but not so easily otherwise. When you seestimate their se someone, you can usually estimate their age and be only a year or two off, unless they're like me and is 17 but looks 12...I'm serious...But hey, it makes it easier to get discounts for kid prices, XD. Anyways, I love this story. It reminds me of a book I had to read in school about an abused kid. Also, for some reason I have always imagined 18's name to be Crystal. A lot of others seem to have too. Later,
ToaoK

4-18-09
YOU ROCK.

4-18-09
Wow i was really shocked about what you wrote i really can;t describe it. It's horrible but also really good. write more

Hi I stumbled upon your: "OMG this is ridiculously skillfully composed story- written by a really intelligent 15 year old!" by chance as I’m a total Android 18 nut myself.

Anyway this fic was truly great! It was choppy, fast paced and a thrilling read...beats most of what I have read in my life (no really, and I read a truckload of books). Loads of interesting and compelling dialogue- I'm really interested in your writing style as I do loads of essays on "Shakespeare" at school (he's really not "my favorite") and I love analyzing pieces of writing; I already get the vibe that all your writing is truly inspired by something. I would love to know what it is. I hope you grow up and become a pro writer and do a JK Rowling and sell like 100m+ copies!

I actually joined this site like 5 mins ago, after I read like 6 of your 8 stories straight for like 2-3 hours! And sat in my chair and though "Got to review this!" So I did and I plan to review the rest of your fics too.

Obviously there would be absolutely no point in reviewing this and giving no constructive feedback so here it is:
Pros:
1. Rapid, flowing language with AMAZING empathy in dialogue.
2. Loads of powerful expressions on graphic scenes, creating this strong malice within the reader and is astonishingly mind provoking.
3. Maintained a similar writing style from start to finish.

Cons:
1. Build up longer strains of tension! (It's a little short but I guess that could also be a good thing, depending on where you stand) Make the reader wait for the scene where a load of "Gasp!" at moments happen, that you execute with military force!
2. The vocab to describe similar scenes and emotions is occasionally repeated throughout the story (I don't know if you wanted to create a deja-vu effect but if u did then ignore this. You might also have forgotten that you used the same twist in language somewhere and then used it again elsewhere!). Read a reverse dictionary to look for a word that means what you want to say! It really helps when describing the really touching parts of a narrative and pretty much reduces reverb down to nil as you can't really have the same though about something even though you're writing about the same thing.
3. I definitely know you have ideas in you head which you cannot yet express fully (They are there but need some expansion)! Don't worry it comes with time and experience; you'll find new techniques and vocab to really put future pieces into top gear.

I could go on all day... Oh well!

Finally, I would like to say that I would LOVE to ask a load of questions about you and your writing!

Good story! Man, I am so glad Crystal managed to kill all of them. They were all such bastards! Haha I had such bloodlust in this story. I was like "Kill them, Crystal! Woo woo!" Anyway, good story! =)

Great ending to the story. I'm so glad you finished this story, and I can't wait to see what else you write.
Sincerely,
BOA Destruction
Bill Howell

That was a great chapter. I an really looking forward to seeing how Crystal escapes, and I would like to see how Crystal stumbles upon Dr. Gero once she does escape.

This is a great story...good work

I'm waiting to read the end of it...and I'm glad you decided to end it, eventually

Thanks

Great chapter. I really liked the dream sequence, and I can not wait for the next chapter to come out.
Sincerely,
Bill Howell
BOA Destruction

Sorry it took 4ever to review! I'm not going to go into detail becuz you probably dont care. lol
Anywho UR CHAPPIE WAS AMAZING! Lovin it like always and happy 4 the update! CONTINUE

First: I'm sorry about your sister, and your 'friend' is a jerk, but don't let that make you give up writing. You are very talented and, if you do give up writing, you will never finish your story!