erm im going to read the whole story, but i just wanted to tell you that you have alot of technical errors like in grammar and punctuation and such, so it's kinda hard for me to read. and also you didnt write some words in, so yeah thats also kinda confusing. I think you should seriously proofread it. but so far, the plots very good and i like it alot!

love it! love it! love it! love it! be more discriptive though. love it again

:#-#D# [smilie ran over at nascar]

S.Onyx

dunno. i loved this. its so sad its ending. i loved it though.

Ehh. That was kind of an abrupt ending (Galby died too quickly for my liking). I guess because this is the end I can't really nag you about your grammar and spelling. The last few sentences really kinda killed the story (sorry, but I really didn't like it at all!) Showing is MUCH better than telling...so keep that in mind for your future writing escapades. You basically just said, "they all loved each other yadda yadda got maried yadda yadda and lived happily ever after." WTF? I'm sorry, but you were showing so much progress that the ending just stunned me. I would love it if you could take some time aside and rewrite the last few paragraphs and leave out the epilogue. The ending could've been so much better! Seriously, you could've written something MUCH MUCH better than that. Please?

FWOOSH! THE GAIJIN NINJA HAS ARRIVED! (don't ask...D:)

I'm so happy that your writing is getting better! However, you might want to stray away from large block monologues (both of your OCs give long speeches in this chapter DwD;). They tend to get boring and look intimidating unless you break it up a bit.
On a different note...
Grammar point: "Eragon was correct Era was still alive but just barely." You need to use commas in this sentence like this "Eragon was correct, Era was still alive, but just barely." Or something like that >.<
So, Murty saved Era, eh? What a nice older brother!-I wish my bro was that cool.
And yes, kill Galbatorix. Burn him in the pits of hell for hurting poor Murtagh. I vote that Murtagh kill him for that reason or a team effort between all the siblings.

Peace out. ^^

I LOVED THIS as usual. Great work and can't wait for more!
me

I LOVED THIS, but sadly, I like this song better, Helena by MCR, so, sorry this is short, but CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE!
pete'sno2fan

(Continuation of my chapter 13 review)

ARGH! My reviews keep getting cut off! BLAST FFNET!! BLAST IT! I'm too lazy to rewrite this review a second time so I'll make this into a short list:

-Capitilize chapter titles
-Shirtless Murtagh and Eragon are drool-worthy, but A/Ns have no place in the middle of the story
-Characters singing songs are nice and everything, but if you're planning on having them sing a MODERN song then it has NO place in Eragon, but if it's a folklore/folktale-ish kind o song then that might be nice ^_^
-d(^o^)b This chapter is much better written than others, I can see the improvement already! Good job!
-Some of your grammar is still awkward, but it's getting better (ex: "This guy is getting harder for you to hate this guy isn’t it?" It might be better if changed around to: "It's getting harder and harder for you to hate this man, isn't it?" I don't know if they use the word 'guy' in Eragon, it seems too modern)

Other than that, good work!
Peace out. ^^

There were still a few spelling mistakes (you got the names right though ^_^), but I'm glad that you took the time to read what I wrote. I like it when authors want to improve and I think this chapter is by far the most well written in your story. I don't really think that any of the characters are OOC, they seem fine to me. Once again, I think this is probably one of the best chapters you've written (I just felt like stressing that again). I thought the romance scene was nice, but once again, Arya was a cold hearted ** (how I hate her >.

hello

interesting story, but could you try and stop mixing up Agni and Thorn:"Anyway Thorn do you agree with Era and I that we should swear to the Varden? Yuaza asked Agni."

Eh.

Do you know you've been spelling GALBATORIX'S name wrong?-and NASUADA'S? (Oh. This is NOT a flame by the way, just some advice from another writer.) I just felt like pointing that out, I'm too lazy too check to see if anyone else has noticed that. Your spelling is a bit iffy and your grammar could use some work. You might want to get a beta reader, they're really helpful especially for young writers. In addition, you're missing puncuation in some dialogue too. So watch out for that in the future, okay?

A quote from your story:
“Thank you, I can respect people but it takes a lot for me to respect that person. In the two days I have been with the Varden I have experienced her great leadership, which has made me respect her.”
This dialogue seems a little redundant. You could possible change it around or not use the word 'respect' so often. It just sounds weird when you read it, kinda awkward too.


Sorry if this sounded picky. I'm just trying to be helpful-ish.
Peace out. ^^

"flamer — one who 'flames'; To rant on about some relatively uninteresting subject or with a patently ridiculous attitude or with hostility towards a particular person or group of people. 'Flame' is used as a verb ('Don't flame me for this'), a flame is a single flaming message. Also is likely to relate to the term lamer."-

WTF?! She kills what. . . twenty? fifty? soldiers (let's ignore for the moment that she's some 16-year-old waif) and she HUMS?! Wow. I do believe you've got a psychopath-Sue on your hands. I have more to say, but if you're not going to listen, I won't waste my time. Feel free to flame me!

Shocking how no matter what fanfiction you read, Eragon is always portrayed as a blockhead...

The dream sequence was an excellent touch and I congratulate you greatly on that endeavor.

If only Era would join Galbatorix's forces, by choice or by force, I just wish it so. It would be a very good plot twist, allowing you to have many other options on where to lead this story. So far, you just have the two siblings laying around at the Varden doing nothing other than waiting to be picked off one by one by the King's men. Whereas if Era was somehow to 'disappear' and find her own dragon egg or so, she would have say, 1 and 1/2 dragons and be unbeatable! Or if Murtagh somehow was forced to capture her or perhaps forsake herself for her brothers' freedom? I'm not quite sure, but whatever path you take, I'm sure it will be even better than the last!! Keep up the great work, and 'May the stars watch over you!'