 Evil Riggs 2007-05-07 . chapter 1One of the strangest crossovers I've ever read. The Family Guy inclusion is, like, OUT THERE, man.
You don't want to tip your hand that the Whup-Ass Girls are reincarnated goddesses quite yet - that's one of your Aces for later in the story.
One thing you can do to make this much more comprehensible is separate dialogue into paragraphs by each speaker. It will make things look a lot cleaner and will be an all-around smoother read. |