I loved this story can you please send me the alternative ending? I want to read it and it's awsome

Wow.

That was a little tough for me to read. It describes my parents until I was about 10 and Mom and I finally left.

I really liked the way it was sectioned. It threw me at first, and I thought FF had struck again. But once I saw the layout for what it was, it turned out to be really effective. Each snippet was its own little punch, and the hits just kept coming.

This one is getting yanked to may hard drive so in case you disappear one day, I'll still have it.

If I were counting, I'd put the number at about four grammatical errors, and one misused homonym. But I wasn't counting.

So, I will finish with the word I started with, that I think best describes how I feel about this story.

Wow.

nice but sad story but lifes life and belive me that would never happen because kimpossible is a strate a student and she can do anything well e-mail me if you got any thing intresting to tell me e-mail me @

not a bad fic but really it seemed to me to just be original charachters who happened to be named ron and kim. In the Television show Ron doesn't hold Kim back he encourages her at every oportunity and she wouldn't be a cheerleader or hero without Ron (she was self conscious and the other time she wanted to call the police instead of helping the people Ron convinced her to do it). If anything she and most everyone else is holding back Ron. No one believes him or really encourages him any time he wants to do something others call it stupid or he has to stop to help Kim (like working at bueno nacho or being the fearless faret). Also Kim has been told her entire life that a possible can do anything where we never see anyone encourage Ron in a similiar manner.

On what level do I want to respond to this...

First, as is pretty obvious from my own stuff, I like happy. On that level I didn't care for it.

Second, there is what you were trying to do. You say you are going for depressing. In terms of what you wanted, you succeed brilliantly.

Third, there is the question of how it works as narrative. Once again, brilliant.

Fourth, there is the issue of writing style (if some people can't distinguish between style and narrative: it is possible to tell a great story badly, or a poor story well. I've said it works well as a story, now I'm commenting on style), and once again I give it very high marks indeed.

I am willing to set aside my happily ever after mentality every now and then for something as well done as this. Great work!

KiY

It really is a shame that it's just a one-shot. It really would be interesting if you continued this. But, oh well. It was pretty messed up with the way Ron viewed things. Especially with how everything seemed to operate for him. Though, I do think that he's acting more like a leech than even Kim's friends should allow. But, it was still quite interesting. Thanks for posting it. ^_^

Beautiful piece of work there man! i have a bro who sort of lives like this. he uses his charm to keep his gal hanging round but can't seem to get the gist that life is what you make it, not what other people make of it for you.

Keep 'em coming.

when i read that story i was so drawned in i couldn't stop myself! O.O

the writing in and of it's self was amazing! it was very well written, it had my attention the entire read. :D although it was a depressing read, the pace and the flow of each paragraph was what pulled me in.

i could fell the disappointment and hope rediating off of the writing, and i couldn't help the slow drepression that over came me.

i really liked this story. i always like really sad fics. and although it is a k/r pairing with an alternate ending, i could see the possiblity of it. it was sad circumstances kim was in, and at times it was a little unbelieable (kim working at Bueno Nacho? o.O and Smarty Mart?? ) but i guess i could understant where that is coming from. here kim is trying to support ron becuse she 'feels' like she is destined to be with him, so being kim, she will do anything to prove that she can, and they are destined. she would even work at the two places she hates most just the prove that she can make it work. being the proud person she is, i wouldn't believe she would have asked for help. she would never abuse her influence to get a better job, or create a better situation for herself. that would be leaving ron behind, and throughout your fic, that was something she didn't want. she actually gave up college to stay with ron!!

the fact that her parents stood by and did nothing was just something that parents do at times, so that was very belieable. kim even denied their help, or at least tried to make it 'no big'. so when she finally called home, i was so uplifted.

sure it may have seemed a bit OOC, but this is a whole new take on k/r, and i think it was done amazingly! a lot was not mentioned, like how ron became the slacker he was, but that i fine. this is just down hill tumble of their relationship, so the progression wasn't needed. this was also very short, so i'm very sure that if you actually wanted to, you could have done a multi chapter fic, and explained from the end of STD, the down fall of ron's character, to the bleakness of their situation, to the ending.

i have no qualms with this, and i enjoyed this short work.

jyuami

This story requires two reviews: one as a piece of fiction and one as a Kim Possible story.

As a piece of fiction, “Unrealized Potential” was very well done. The writing was taut, the impressionistic narrative technique effective employed. The story drew me in and, though I knew it would not end happily, I still wanted to see how it would conclude. The tale was indeed a tragedy; my heart broke for the female protagonist and her unrewarded confidence while I was furious with her male counterpart for his parasitic obliviousness. "Unrealized Potential" is a powerfully bleak story of hopes dashed and dreams lost. Unfortunately, it has one major weakness: as a piece of Kim Possible fiction, it failed. Why? Because the Kim and Ron one reads about in this story were not the Kim and Ron one recognizes from the TV series. To reiterate, this story fails not because it posited that a K/R romance could come to a bad end but because the protagonists were fundamentally out of character.

You failed to convince this reader that Ron, the lovable slacker who was always be Kim’s side, could, let alone would, become Ron, the selfish, manipulative parasite who abused Kim's affections (to be honest, that’s what I’d expect of Shego in a relationship). The Ron who sponged off Kim here wasn’t the Ron who emptied out his bank account so he could by a cruise ticket to join her on a mission, the Ron who took a job at Kim’s insistence at which he excelled (and which earned him a bonus that he used to buy Kim the jacket she had wanted), the Ron who traveled to the Amazon to save Kim’s life or to the Arctic to save her Christmas because he wanted to give her the perfect present. The Ron portrayed here was an underachieving dolt without any redeeming qualities. He wasn’t the Ron who could rap on TV or create a doomsday machine with a few spare parts or act in a talent show or create a Naco or figure out how Drakken planned to implement his Diablo plan or even maintain a Gentleman’s C while running around the globe helping Kim save the world. He was nothing but a narcissistic leech who refused to do his part. The Ron Stoppable we’ve seen on TV is far from perfect and has many failings, but he is not a parasite.

Of particular note, this story implies that Ron never added anything to the equation, that all he did was take, and never give. Yet that’s patently wrong: while Ron’s preference may be to marinate, he always responds to the call – whether to clean the garage, help move Nana, or go on a mission with Kim even though he may have to meet three pairs of fists or help save the guy she's dating when in reality he wishes she were dating him. Ultimately, this story ignores a fundamental reality of the KP universe and that is that Ron will go to heroic lengths for his best friend Kim. Why he would suddenly stop doing this when they began to date was never made clear. Problematically, this story posits that Ron’s first priority is his own happiness, yet the show clearly showed otherwise in presenting a Ron whose paramount concern was his bond with Kim: remember, he was prepared to break up with Kim so as not to jeopardize their friendship in Emotion Sickness and to not tell her about his feelings for her in So The Drama for the same reason. Readers are supposed to believe that once he began dating Kim he would suddenly put all of that at risk so he could waste the little money they had on video games and beer (!) rather than the necessities of life, that while Kim was slaving away at two jobs he’d blow all of their savings on a TV. Sorry, but that was completely unbelievable.

And what of Kim? Yes, she’ll stick by her best friend – but I find it hard to believe that she wouldn’t challenge him to do better in school and that she’d ever tolerate him not having a job if he were not in school, especially if they were living together. The Kim I saw on TV – the one who would grab Ron by the front of his shirt and pull him off to a mission, the Kim who always drove their relationship – indeed, the Kim who initiated the kiss at the end of So The Drama – would not let Ron get away with what he did in your story. (Nor, I must suggest, would her parents.) Then there was the matter of her jobs: Bueno Nacho and Smarty Mart? You’re telling me that with all of her connections and brains she couldn’t do any better? How about GJ? The Middleton Police Department? Club Banana? What happened to her part time position at the Space Center? It seems like you put her in those situations simply so you could create as bleak a scenario as possible; unfortunately, this wasn’t convincing and thus detracted from the story’s potency.

I give you credit for taking a stab at this story – tales in which K/R fails usually portray Ron as the saint and Kim as the sinner. You showed gumption in trying to reverse that trope. And the writing was very good. Unfortunately, you failed to convince this reader of the plausibility of your scenario for the characters Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable. Change the names and you’ve got a special story; leave them as they are and “Unrealized Potential” misses the mark because the Kim and Ron you write about are simply not the Kim and Ron of the TV series.

Really great piece of work and an idea that I'm sure many hadn't thought of...

Though honestly hits me a little close to home.

Sad, but quite good. Oddly I don't think I've seen any other story to tackle such a subject.

I think I'd like to read the alternate ending myself.

Very well written, and yes it was tragic. I saw a glimmer as KP made the decision to return home, maybe to start her young life over. Good work!

This is an incredible piece of work!

The emotions, the angst, the sitch...it's far too close to real life, and it's truly been "ripped from the headlines." I have known far too many couples like this, and this ending is the most positive one that I've seen (yes, Virginia, there are worse ways to end it than leaving!)

Great construction, and he's a fool if he lets her get away...but he's not thinking, is he? ...cpneb

Yes. This story is depressing. Yes, you're original/alternate ending is more depressing than this one.
It's still a very well written story...and I DO like the different ending you've got here.
"I wanna come home." A very good and hopeful ending compared to the original.

That was a depressing story. It's hard to believe Ron would become a lazy bum like he did, even if he did appear to be a slacker in the show. Poor Kim, she really got in rough, but if Kim had influenced Ron he would still not have reached his true potential because Ron looks up to Kim so much that he unconsciously hold back his true intellect. Such as when Ron became evil he revealed how intelligent he truly was and that Kim was actually holding him back. Another thing is that I doubt Brick could even get a 3.5 GPA, even if his life depended on it. Anyway good story. I would like to give the alternative ending a read so send it to me if you can. If you give any of my stories a read review and tell me what you think.