Reviews for Once Lost, Now Found

Reviews For: Once Lost, Now Found - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

sasori-chibi 2008-02-25 ch 6,	abuseaw! this is taking too long, when are they going to find out that he's there son? i bet his mother will know him! nice chapter update soon plz :3
timme 2007-12-16 ch 2, anon.	abuseher husband died and the hokage thinks that's no reason to loose her manners?! WTF? geez, i'd go after him anyway, damn what the sandaime says. i'll be surprised if sasuke doesn't go after his dad too.
Chosha Kurenai 2007-07-23 ch 6,	abuseI think that Itachi should eventually become more open, but it should take some time. The dialogue is fine. sometimes you need a lot to get a point across. description is good and all, but you still need ya dialogue! No it didn't suck at all, don't put yourself down and finally the fight scene was good. for a first time fight scene, I thought it was cool. I admit that fight scenes are some of the hardest to do - I had loadsa trouble on my ones, especially if you have a scene in mind and dunno how to portray it. So, yeah, overall, it was a good chapter. Hope that you keep it up! Ja for now!
kagekitsune49 2007-07-15 ch 6,	abuseHmm...i pretty much skimmed this fic. The reason is that i simply cannot stand to read fics that are not about Naruto. I would have stopped, but then there was that bit about Naruto right before it started to get exciting, so i continued. This fic is far better than i would have expected. All the dialogue (the comp says this word is spelled wrong. weird.) in this chapter was fine. This chapter did not suck!! I admit, it was probably not your best (i loved the Naruto one), but it did not suck. The fighting scene was really cool. He isn't called 'Shunshin no Shishui' for nothing, you know! I'm trying to figure out Itachi's character. You've given many hints that he is evil, but i still can't be certain. I'd like it if he was more open. Yeah, i am a huge Naruto fan. Do you know the 'u r obsessed and people r scared of u' copy and paste into profile thing? The whole reason i have it is because of Naruto. Im REALLY obsessed. The only person i've ever seen on par with me is pennamed Syrus the Unholy. No! My catchphrase left me for another author! oh, it has a twin sister? NICE! (sorry if this makes no sense, i am intensely random) Kagekitsune49, out!
forgot my name... 2007-06-27 ch 6, anon.	abusei liked this chapter, and can you update soon?
as 2007-06-25 ch 6, anon.	abusevery good story ^_^
SuicideHappy 2007-04-09 ch 6,	abuseat first itachi should be distant but as time goes by he should be more open
eeyore 2007-04-03 ch 6, anon.	abuseHey there :) I was waiting for this chapter, and here it is! And finally, conflict is stirring... 1)Personally, I wouldn't mind seeing a not-really-enigmatically-evil Itachi... I mean, I guess it's wrong to have a somewhat naive or open Itachi, because canon-wise, that's not who he is at all. Sure, he has his secrets and double life and whatnot, but I'd explain his mysteriousness and motives in canon as his corruption from being exposed to ANBU. ANBU is not innocent at all; they do the dirty, political work, and ANBU members are probably privy to all sorts of nasty information. I like to think that Itachi went bad from dealing with ANBU missions at too early of an age (you should check out "Scarlet" by Yamisui... that fic is excellent, I tell you. Very introspective). So take that corrupting influence of ANBU away and what can you get? An Itachi who isn't such a sociopath. Gosh, I can't even imagine it. Of course, I have no idea what sort of things he been doing in this fic (what did he do to merit a vengeful killer?), so Itachi could have turned out the same as he did in canon. Still, I'd like to see an open Itachi, just because it's never been done before. So many fanfic writers have written pretty believable OOC characters, but for Itachi, all I've seen as of yet are sex beasts, homicidal mutes, and really obviously arrogant bastards. No spilling secrets, though. Itachi must be secretive :D 2) Dialogue is good. Just be sure that the reader can tell who is saying what. Like o&l has said, be descriptive. If you were watching a movie, would a character just speak words and not gesture at all? Of course not; people can multi-task speaking and doing some menial task, and this must be written in the story. Writing should be like visual media... except in words. Ok that makes no sense. Writing should tell a reader everything. I don't really want to do this, but I'm going to use this fic to illustrate my point. Sorry, dragonmage. I don't mean to offend you in any way with this. For example, when Fugaku was asking Itachi to follow him to Konoha, I felt that somewhere in that exchange, there should have been a line like "His heartbeat sped up in tight anticipation" or something. Speaking of which, Fugaku is a pretty stern and serious guy, so the occasional "He stiffened with (insert appropriate emotion here)" is OK. Or when Haku was talking to the raven, there could have been a short part describing the moment: "Haku suddenly whirled around in surprise, his hair and tassels whipping around him. The raven squawked in surprise." There are so many places where a description can be included, and every bit of it is useful for the reader to visualize. Even a short sentence about the setting can contribute to the overall mood of the scene. An image of a dusty, dim cottage with sunlight filtering through the small windows shows a quiet, isolated mood. Try to imagine your fic as a movie, and note how it would play out. Good luck! 3) Nah, this chapter didn't suck. At first, I thought "Well, not much happened there" but actually, a lot has happened at once. The chapter wasn't very short at all but it felt like the events didn't come up to much at all. I blame it on a lack of description. Sorry, but it's kinda true. Description takes up a LOT of space... I've tried it. It's also very annoying to type out the imagery (for me), but it's very important. Some of the best one-shot fanfiction works have no plot at all, but somehow come out to over 1500 words and turn out very, very nice. The last scene of this chapter could stretch to more than double its current length with description, and add to the quality of the writing too (no offense intended). I only wish you wrote another chapter... How could you leave us at a turning point like this?!? Nah, just kidding. Spend some time writing in all the imagery in your next chapter. It'll make some notable difference, trust me. 4) The fighting scene was good but again, a little bland. What was Sasuke feeling? When he lost his footing, he had various options: curse himself silently, widen his eyes in surprise... His blood pumped faster with adrenaline, etc, etc. Otherwise, the action was very good. It sounded like a real ninja fight, with the fast-timing and unexpected happenings :). A tip: Try to write action scenes in shorter, choppier sentences. Longer sentences take away from the quick pace of a fight. Shorter sentences are read in a jiffy, and helps add to the tension. 1- "He ran as fast as he could, and then suddenly, stopped to pull out a shuriken and throw it at his opponent." plus my tip and description: 2- "He ran as fast as he could. His mind was sharp and alert. His senses tingled. He could feel his fingers itch in anticipation. 'Not yet... just a little further,'he thought. Suddenly, he stopped, to his opponent's surprise. He yanked out a shuriken and hurled it at his opponent." Yeah, poor example. Sentences can't be short all the time, and descriptive sentences won't be very short at all, or else it'd get annoying to both writer and reader. But when it can be short, use it. And yes, the plot is moving! Woohoo! Yes! Oh and concerning Itachi's Sharingan... PLEASE give him Mangekyou Sharingan... that is the coolest thing ever. But does that mean Haku has to die? He IS Itachi's friend, right? I wouldn't mind if he did. Don't get me wrong; I love Haku, and wanted to scream when he died in the anime. But his role is to be a martyr. Seriously, he wouldn't be loved as much if he didn't die. He is a tragic hero. Anyhow, I hoped this super-long review helped. And don't rush the next chapter. Check over its punctuation (I am very picky with this), quality, and grammar, even if it takes forever, especially with school (darn that thing). Do you have a beta? I'd love to beta your story, but I don't know exactly how it works. In fact, if anyone could tell me what exactly a beta does, it'd be very helpful.
Kinichan...aka Angelslastte... 2007-04-03 ch 6, anon.	abuseI've been waiting...for such a long, long time... FIGHTING I LOVE FIGHTING! and of course Shisui is better than lil sasuke. Question one- Closed...I love having a lil bit of Itachi with his secrecy and all that. Question two- It's fine to have a lot of dialogue. Wouldnt be much interation with characters if all of them are mute? Question three-...Lies. Who told you this? searches around for random guy IT WAS YOU WASNT IT! IMMA GONNA BEAT YOU WITH A BLUNT OBSTRUMENT! (thats right...its my word.) I LOVE FIGHT SCENES! UN! Good job. Lol XD While in your story Yashiro is trying to take over the clan in mine it's Inabi. XD OPPOSITES! ^^ GOOD JOB! I WAITED 4 EVAH! UN! Kini-chan (Angelslasttear)
o&l 2007-04-03 ch 6, anon.	abuse1.- Neither I guess, he should be smart enough not to try and push his luck, he got out of a potentially revealing situation by sheer luck; he knows he need either to plan an extremely well uilt fake life or keep a low profile. 2.- Yes, as long as it keeps the character in-character, I mean, for instance Danzo, or Danzou as I think it is spelled, would not reveal his plan to his subordinates, only the part they need to know, and enough to keep them away from curiosity; in that matter by the way I think you did a good job. 3.-No, but it could have been better, I've noticed that you do not write descriptions, you should work on that, the atmosphere, more insight into characters' personalities, about them, why would they do that, pieces of their past that links them to their actions in the present. Also imagine yourself as the character and try to think how would they talk, imagine that you read your dialogue in the manga for example, and then think if it fits Zabuza to say this or Itachi that, something along those lines. 4.-The fight was alright 'It was just a spar' after all, not a real fight, but I think it was well done, although as I said before, you could describe more. As a general advice, as I have said like three times already: DESCRIBE MORE, you need to make the reader feel like he was SEEING the story develop, in the place, with the characters; that's why I say, first imagine yourself in said scenario and justdescribe what you see happening, what you find relevant to your story. Well, hope you find this useful. I look forward to an update. Keep it up.
eeyore 2007-03-14 ch 5, anon.	abuseYAY! an update! And what a way to end it... cliffhangers are the worst! U better have more coming soon gr :D j/k... But i wasn't joking about wanting to read more. And about the people being OOC... I think the characters were pretty in-character; Fugaku is actually portrayed as a caring parent. some people like to make him abusive, but I think differently :P. I also liked that bit with Iruka and Naruto. Too much Uchiha can get kinda tiresome. But because the story is an AU, everyone has to be different one way or another. I'd imagine Sasuke to be less brooding, and perhaps somewhat happier because in canon, Sasuke is angsty because Itachi killed the clan. Here, he has parents and friends, which is all he needs, really. And, huh... I dunno what to say about Itachi. He's quite the mysterious character at present... He's pretty in-character, if he's to be compared to canon-Itachi. But his circumstances have changed who he is; he's not the power-seeking, deadly ninja-prodigy and ANBU captain anymore. He looks like a rather solitary orphan, so his character has to reflect that. The influences around him changed: no more looming way or S-class missions. This Itachi grew up in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere. So how did that affect him, if it did at all? Of course, though, Itachi must still be (a bit) arrogant and powerful. We Itachi fans love him because he's all cool and smirking like that. Summary: nice fic. Shaping up to look like something very interesting.
SuicideHappy 2007-03-13 ch 5,	abusenot ooc more like oc
Angelslasttear 2007-03-11 ch 5,	abuse3...2...1... YAYNESS YOU UPDATED! HOORAY HOORAY! and now you give me a cliffhanger! Leans in expectedly Update or I will kill you. well, considering I get off my lazy ** to do so. (Which is very unlikely) Good chappie! Itachi-kun What did you do?! (puppy eyes) lol Shisui got to sleep in the guest room! UPDATE SOON,Dra-chan! Kini-chan(Angelslasttear)
o&l 2007-03-10 ch 4, anon.	abusePretty good story, I thought it was a little shabby in the beginning, but you improved a lot in the later chapters. I like how it is turning out, with the strange acquaintances. I really look forward to reading more.
SuicideHappy 2007-03-10 ch 4,	abusehurrys up! pleaze

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