=) I love it! =) It is so sweet...

I feel awful for not reviewing... Forgive me? T-T;

This chapter made me cry... Why'd you have to separate them?! Just when things were looking up for them... Will they ever see each other again? I know I have no right to say this after being silent for so long, but... Please update soon(ish)! I can't wait to see how this resolves itself. Keep up the good work!
-Expi

Your plotting is excellent! What a neat twist to have Ami going from impersonating Chiriko to impersonating his own brother! I'm also liking that Chiriko is getting the chance to 'save' Miaka in a way that doesn't involve hari kari.
It was also very intriguing to read Ami's reaction to Yui, as they never officially met in the series (or at least, not on camera! ^_~)

Miaka's not recognizing the real Chiriko was a nice bit of plotting from the beginning of the story-she never got a look at him, so...*nods approvingly*

Fluffiness has definitely gone 'poof', and suspense and action is really amping up--nice job, I can't wait to read what happens next! *^__^*

All the best,
KL

Wow, what a great twist! Suboshi...he's definitely the polar opposite of his brother. It was a nice tyouch in how you described that difference in his demeanor and actions. You built the mood up very effectively in that scene; one minute I was grinning at how easily Chiriko managed to draw out Suboshi's 'secret', and the next I had chills when Chiriko started to realize exactly who he was dealing with...*shiver*


In the Amiboshi pov scene, I thought you did an excellent job of characterizing his conflict. I also think this section showed how big an influence Chiriko's had on Amiboshi, as evidenced in his wavering in his resolution to stay hidden.
Still, it's understandable that he doesn't want to believe his brother would be capable of cold blooded murder--I thought that his denial was a great point of characterization, and a very realistic view of his situation. ^__^*

The tension is building! *is on the edge of her chair* I have a feeling the ending will be bittersweet at best, but yet I can hardly wait! :)

Every good wish,
KL

AH! SUBOSHI! EVERYONE SCREAM AND RUN AWAY! -everyone screams and runs in frantic circles- Nu! AWAY, said I! Not in circles! AWAY! -everyone stares at the crazy lady, shrugs, and walks calmly away- ARG! RUN! -everyone ignores-

-anger mark- Fine. Whatever. See if I care.

I think it's hilarious that Ami-chan and Su-chan both think that Chiriko is reading their mind. And, as usual, I love Ami-chan's inner angst. Keep up the good work!
-Expi

Poor Chiriko is having a tough time. *cuddles Chiriko and casts a maternal glare at the bullies*

*grin* Still, that was a neat bit of characterization there, as you showed both his intellect and his insecurities.

I loved the scene with Chiriko and his adoptive mother. ^__^ As a writer, I liked how it illustrated a developing familial bond between two characters. As a mom, I enjoyed how it drew me in emotionally; I very much related to the feelings behind her bringing in the sweet roll to comfort her child.^^

In addition, you drew an interesting parallel between Kaika's defense of Chiriko and his protectiveness of Suboshi. I like the ambivalence in his wondering if Chiriko is a substitute for Suboshi.

I also liked the ambivalence in the ending lines between Kaika and his adoptive father. The exchange was humorous but had a slightly foreboding quality to it...


Looking forward to more, as always!

All the best,
KL

Ps. If I were Chiriko, I would have looked for some leeches... lol

Quote: 'I wondered if pheromones were involved in the power of his sound waves.'

That's a very interesting theory...and one that could easily become a plot bunny. Hee hee. ^__~

Ami's thoughts on Nakago, Soi and Tomo were absolutely priceless! LOL!!

The satire underlying your portrayal of his 'fans' was also well done. The gossipy girl's information seeking reminded me of the rumors about real life celebrities. Kaika was clever in the way he handled it-(and much nicer to her than I would have been! lol)

I'm going to stop here, as I want to read the next chapter--
More in a bit!

All the best,
KL

Aw. How cute! Brotherly luff. And not the creepy Hamlet variety. -shudders-

Pushing that thought from my mind... -huggles Kaika and Chibiko- They do make the perfect brothers. Some things are strange like that. -shrug- I love Kaika's new line. 'I'm the only one allowed to push him into the river.' How great is that? =3 Keep up the great work!
-Expi

-snickers- Ah, we're all so proud of Ami-kun... all grown up and being stalked by the village girls... -fake proud tear-

Suzaku, I never knew he was such an actor...

A great chapter! I was giggling throughout it. My mom is looking at my like she wants to ship me to the Funny Farm again... Keep up the good work! =D
-Expi

This was such a fun chapter! I really liked the good natured gibes and the competition between Chiriko and Amiboshi- both seemed natural and unforced. It's clear that the bond between them is growing stronger and more brotherly the longer they stay together. Again, I want to mention that I admire the way you've integrated the appearance and disappearance of Chiriko's character. Writing that in adds *a lot* to the story. Well done!!

Heh, I still crack up every time someone calls Chiriko 'Chibiko'; it's so cute, and it's a great piece of characterization! ^_^ The seed mishap had me laughing out loud...I had a very clear image in my mind of Chiriko freaking out while Amiboshi continues to dig and plant in the background...LOL!!

Let's see, what else? Oh!

*slaps on her beta cap*

Now...please forgive me, but as a incorrigible beta I'm going to point out a couple of word use errors I spotted, because I know they're the kind of things that spell check wouldn't have caught, and because they were distracting to me in reading an otherwise terrific piece of writing. ^__~

~In the sentence 'so you’re goal is just to make five complete rows across the field to win.' You're should replaced with your.

~In the sentence 'I was embarrassed to loose face with Father' the word loose should be replaced with 'lose'.

Okay, that's enough of that.

*doffs beta cap*

I'm really looking forward to reading what happens next, and very excited to see how you decided to end this story! So, until the next chapter...

Every good wish,
KL

-sniffle- That was touching. -shakes head- And I suppose oba-san just *had* to come in and break up the tension... I can't believe she fell for that...

I really like getting insight into Amiboshi's mind, so the bit about comforting Chiriko and Suboshi was really appreciated there. Thanks. n-n; Keep up the good work!
-Expi

Fantastic chapter! You've created a complex plight for Chiriko, and I like how you're contrasting his and Amiboshi's feelings about being 'adopted'.

The irony of Chiriko reading a fairy tale book was an inspired stroke and well done-it's the mirror effect, a story within a story within a story...

Kinda makes me wonder if Chiriko will end up writing fanfiction.

*grins wickedly as plot bunnies hatch*

As humorous and ironic as the chapter was, the ending was equally as touching. I'm very much looking forward to more. *cheers you* Keep going!

All the best,
Lynne (KL)






P.S. I crack up every time I see the word 'Chibiko'! LOL

He's never read fiction before? -shock- ... I guess I just assumed he'd read every book in his hometown and in the palace by now... They've got to have some fiction there somewhere. I'd never thought about that.
Huh. Interesting take on things. -ponders-

La. Anyway. A short chapter, but it's given us a lot to think about. Well. Me. I really shouldn't speak for everyone. Uhm... So, I don't really understand why oji-san and oba-san are confused at Ami-kun's lack of memories about Kaika's life, but maybe I've just woken up too early this morning. -shakes head- I'll get it later, I'm sure. Keep up the good work!
-Expi

I love it. As usual. ^-^; Ah, the return of Ami's "he's a physic" thing. Is he ever going to let that die? AND the flute! Hooray, Ami's got his flute back! The flute is phwah. -heart- Yes. Yes, I said phwah.

Okay, enough about the flute. Does Taka really call him Chibiko? Hm. Never saw the anime. Well, once, but that's not the point. ANYWHO. ... My brain is, as usual, completely fried... Otherwise I'd leave a better review... Sorry. -sweat drop- Keep up the good work, Appaku-san!
-Expi

Hey there, Appaku!

Gomen, it took me a bit longer than I anticipated to get back here and leave a proper review!

I'm enjoying this story for so many reasons. Here are a few of them:

~It's one the most original 'What-if' ideas I've seen for an FY fic

~It features an indepth view of under-represented characters who you're clearly showing have much more in common than their celestial name.

~You're making full use of the original Chiriko quirk of losing his wisdom when his character fades, (which I feel the anime should have done as well!)

~You're giving an extremely interesting twist to the story by having both sides be short a warrior at this point.

~Love the the humor, like Chiriko's drinking the dishwater, and his comment about Kaika having a long lost twin. ^__^

I'm eager to see whether or not becoming 'brothers' will change Kaika and Chiriko , and how their absences will ulimately affect the overall story.

I'll be back to review the next chapter...good luck and happy writing! ^__^

All the best,
KL