[Littlecloud looked back at the forest, taking one last look at the trees] You used "look" too much here. Try to change on of them

[something in the woods that he would it all up for.] I think you meant "give it all up."

[Littlecloud had gasped, desperately trying to keep up. Despite the fact that Cinderpelt was hindered by an injured leg, the deadly sickness that coursed through both his and Whitethroat’s bodies disoriented him so much that he could hardly see straight.] I think "despite the fact . . ." was meant to be part of the first sentence.

[which seemed to be getting worse./Finally, the trek that seemed to last for moons] "Seemed" was used too much.

This is a very good story. Your narration was descriptive, but not so descriptive that the meaning was lost. Your characters were also very in-character. Very nice work :)

Sad but not sad

now it makes sense! see, there are tons of LittleCinder fics about how he became a medcat for her. . . but i never understood them. i love this!

wow this story is great

Looking back on when she cared for him, I can understand perfectly how Littlecloud would feel for Cinderpelt since she did save his life, and I find it heartbreaking that they couldn't truly be together. You've brought this feeling out wonderfully with this oneshot, and for that, I applaud you.

I wish this pairing wasn't so overlooked, it's one of the better ones out there.

Wow.. I loved it. It was cute, and romancy, but on the realistic side. Great job!

- Atra.

:) Loved it!!

I love Littlecloud/Cinderpelt! Wonderful fanfic! Well-written and detailed!

-Nameless Nightmare-