FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
| FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| skywalker05 2008-04-22 ch 1,  | abuseGood. Not fluffy at all, but romantic in a way. I like the notion of Revan and the Exile as almost sisters as well. |
| almostinsane 2007-10-30 ch 1, | abuseGreat story! Thanks so much for writing these! God bless! |
| Onyx Panthera 2007-03-16 ch 1, | abuseEnjoyed reading this piece. Well written. |
| Trillian4210 2007-01-09 ch 1, | abuseThe words Exile/Bao-Dur in a summary grab me every time, so I had to give your fic a read. ;) I thought it was sweet and nicely executed. You have some nice turns of phrase, such as: "laying her hand gently on his living arm..." For some reason, I really like that 'living arm' stuff. Other times, there seems to be a tad too much telling and not showing, with regards to the feelings these two have for each other. This sentence, for instance, is great: "she motioned toward the lightsaber that had only recently been added to the mass of tools on his waistband," It does a lot in a short span of time. I would watch that you don't have too much explaining of how everyone feels, and make sure POVs don't switch either, unless they're done consistently. And my last bit of concrit is to watch that the descriptions of your Exile's beauty don't go overboard into dreaded MS territory. It's fine to have her be pretty but one too many "full red lips" and old-time readers start to get wary. ;) But overall, I think you did a fine job. The anecdote the exile tells is original and I like how you tied it into B-D's calling her the 'general.' It made for a well-rounded fic. And next time you write a B-D/Exile, let me know if I don't catch it. I can't get enough of that Zabrak...I'm just pervy like that. ;) Great job! |