Alright, Chapter 4 down... only, what, five more of this one and nearly as many of Restoration to catch up on? (sighs) Long way to go, it looks like. :P

I've actually missed Nova since I read Chapter 3, which feels like years ago. He's still a very cool character, but something's off about him in this chapter... maybe not in a bad way, but he is different. I found the range of his reactions felt like a lot of disjointed mood swings, which is probably a good thing considering what a pivotal moment this is in his life. It's very realistic to be portraying his sadness at leaving his friends, his fury at Cosmo, his worry for Iris, and his general exhaustion within the space of a few pages. However, I think that some of these emotions are displayed a bit too intensely. For example, I don't see either Nova or his friends crying over his departure, especially considering their gender (although I admit to a certain gender bias...). I think their regret could have been communicated more effectively without tears. Still, for the most part, Nova's emotional roller coaster worked out well.

It also seems that Deric's earning his keep. All he needs now is to learn an attack spell or two, and he can probably ditch Nova and have his own adventures. :P Seriously, though, I'm not sure if you intended this shift in their dynamic, but Deric is definitely the strength of the team at this point. Without him, Nova would not have made it out of Cosmo's office, and even if he had, he probably would have lost out on the Starbridge. It seems a big shift from the naive fan-boy of Chapter 2, but then again, Deric has experienced a big shift in himself, with the unlocking of his telepathy. I guess I'm calling attention to it simply because powerful characters tend to take over the storyline, and I believe it's the author's responsibility to make them leave room for the others to resolve things from time to time. After all, I don't want Nova to be reduced to the street-smarts of the team. :)

And this might all be redundant, since you're five chapters ahead of me... (laughs)

I suppose I'll stop here. Overall, another interesting chapter. I'm actually very eager to see how Nova and Deric's relationship adapts to Iris, once they hook up with him. I'd venture some ideas, but I don't want to sound like... certain other reviewers. :P

Take care,
Guardian

It's unfortunate that no one else is reviewing this story: perhaps I'll have to start publicizing it to everyone I meet, along with Jonatha Brooke's music. Hm.. well, as long as I don't have to stand on a street corner with a sandwich board, maybe it'd be feasible. (grins)

I like this chapter, as I've liked all the others. Your writing is very accessible, and easy to read, which is a very good thing (especially in fanfic). Nova's attitude is great, if not charming... but I'd be worried if he was courteous. It looks like that's Deric's job. (laughs) Seriously, Nova's a very well executed character: having never played the game, I don't know whether he's an OC or not, but in any case, he's as three dimensional a character as I've ever seen on this site, and even more well done than a lot I've met in the pages of published novels. You have a lot to be proud of in him: in fact, he's so realistic, I wonder how much of him is autobiography and how much you made up yourself. Feel free not to address that if it's too personal.

Deric... he seems to be a weak character at this stage, but the final scene in the chapter definitely brings out his potential to be tempered. I found the telepathy thing a bit overdone, and though the rushed, punctuationless sentence structure denoting his broadcast thoughts is a decent stylistic device, it grated on my grammatical sensiblities. Of course, that could just be my astronomical standards, so you're free to disregard that particular bit of criticism.

Nova reminds me more than ever of Han Solo in this chapter: possibly because of the action scenes, which are extremely well done. I love how easily he takes control of the situation: while Deric is panicking, he's already working on getting them out. Even so, however, he still has nervous moments. I love the balance in his character, between toughened street punk and basic human frailty. The tenderness with which he refers to Iris is touching as well.

And I just realized that most of this review is about what a great character Nova is... (chuckles) Sorry I didn't get into more detail about the chapter itself, but I guess that's what really stuck out for me this time around.

I hope to be able to read Chapter 4 soon. In the meantime, I'll devote my next reading moments to starting on the Restoration. I'll probably be a bit more in my element there... at least I'll recognize some of the characters! (grins)

Take care, and congratulations on another fine installment of a very well done story.

Hm... two reviews in as many days. Maybe I should stop before you get used to this kind of productivity. (laughs)

I liked this chapter also, but for some reason not as much as the first one. I'm not entirely sure why. The scene on the ship en route to Viking seemed a bit off for me, especially when Nova decided to comment on the crew's unattractiveness repeatedly... it was almost like "They're ugly, we get it". Plus, it does seem a bit out of place for a prostitute to be commenting on other people's ugliness: I think it would be more realistic for him to not even notice anymore, a detachment which would have been developed as a defence mechanism against the disgust at having to serve someone like the captain in the first chapter. Even disregarding that point, I think actual nausea and losing sleep is going a bit overboard. Granted, your intent may have been simple humor through exaggeration, but it really didn't come through for me.

I like the description of Viking, and the casino is well executed also. Nova's dialogue is still great, but when Harrison said "You'll get what's coming to you," I groaned. That line is just so overdone that it's not so much a threat as a joke... and that seems an unduly mean way of saying it, so I apologize. Foreshadowing is hard, but I think the offer itself is enough foreshadowing without further darkening Harrison's character. In fact, a more effective tactic might have been to make him likable: then, his eventual betrayal of Nova would be less expected, and more powerful. For the most part, however, your work is still far and away superior to the average fanfiction quality.

I like Deric so far, although I usually don't go for the innocent/ditzy characters. The immediate attraction between him and Nova might be a bit too convenient, but on the whole, I like their interaction. Nova definitely comes off as very experienced in the seduction game, and Deric's borderline-idolatry is very adorable. I also love Deric's imagery, especially that braid... is there a reason his hair is white, or is it just one of those video game things, like Devil May Cry? Ultra cool game, by the way.

Oh, and the cliffhanger ending is evil, but I love the romantic scene just before it. For some reason, Nova reminds me a bit of Han Solo... (shrugs) I must just be tired.

Congratulations on another good chapter. I can't wait to read the rest!

Take care, Guardian

As far as I can tell, first review honors are mine this time... (grins) Excellent.

I know absolutely nothing about Escape Velocity, except what I pulled up on AllGame, which wasn't very much. Fortunately, I don't need to. This doesn't read like a fanfic at all: it reads like an original piece, with a very deep central character, very complete description, and very powerful emotional content. Not only does it read like a work of original fiction, but it reads like a very, very good one at that.

In fact, if I may be inarticulate for a moment, it's absolutely kick-**. (laughs)

I love so much about this. First of all, the science fiction elements seem like the most natural things in the world, and I admire your ability to do that with such apparent ease. Nova's circumstances are tragic without being cliche: he certainly doesn't sound like a poor, taken-advantage-of child prostitute. He even has flaws, such as his naivete (yes, someone is going to give you a no-strings-attached 500,0 credits to sleep with his son... how could that be too good to be true?), and I love the general tone of the story, tinged with hard street-wisdom one second and then tenderness and an almost childlike hopefulness and urge to dream the next.

In case you can't tell, I'm absolutely blown away.

Dialogue is good. It's fantastic, in fact. There are a couple of places where wording could be better, like when Iris says "I'll be here waiting" (could have been "I'll be waiting.") and where Frank says "positively struggling to catch up" (I'd leave out the 'positively'), but as a whole, tone, pacing, tags, voice... all very good. It's far more potent than the dialogue in Treason.

There are, of course, imperfections, and though I don't have the hours it would take to dissect the story and bring them all to your attention, I do want to draw up some of the more obvious things. First of all, your "lip-biter writing style" doesn't seem so overwhelming, which is a good thing, but there are certain places (Nova smelling the beer on Cosmo's breath, for instance) where I had to think for a moment before I figured out who the 'he' was referring to. In addition, you use far too many name-replacements (the seventeen-year-old, the older boy, his friend, etc.) for my taste. This is a problem with more than 90% of amateur writers, and I have been guilty of it myself more recently than I like to admit; unfortunately, it also takes a huge bite out of story effectiveness. A couple of tips: when two people are talking, you don't need "he said//she said" tags unless someone does something other than speaking, and those are the most common places to find name-replacements, so try to eliminate some of those. Also, and this is very counter-intuitive, never be afraid of using a character's name, no matter how much you need to do so on a page. Names are there to refer to the characters, and it seems a bit silly to defeat their purpose by using a multitude of other words to do their job. I read once that the reader gets used to the names, and doesn't even notice them anymore after a time, which is probably what makes the name-replacements so jarring: when we're expecting to find 'Nova' and see instead 'seventeen-year-old', the flow of the story is disrupted.

Just some things to think about.

In any case, I'll end it here: if I go on any further, I won't have anything left for Chapter 2, and that would be a bad thing... (laughs) Let's hope I get to it soon!

Take care, and congratulations on writing such a good story. If it doesn't completely represent the gold standard of fanfiction, it's more than close enough.

Best, Guardian

P.S. And, of course, I'm honoured by the dedication. Thank you so much, both for that and for posting this story at all.