I liked this fic a lot. I love the opening lines, and the line "457th time lucky, eh, Potter?”
-Julia

Hello,

Aw! Oh that's so cute!!

Great work

Rhr4eva

Very cute story you've got here! The idea behind it was creative and fresh, and your writing was quite enjoyable. Your dialogue also flowed well, as did the structure of your plot. I especially loved the little touches of humour throughout the story -- the common room scene at the beginning warranted a few good chuckles. XD

I do have some constructive criticisms, though. The story did feel a little rushed. While your dialogue was fabulous, there wasn't much meat inbetween in some instances. More description wouldn't hurt, and in several places, you could have elaborated on the scene a little further to give the reader a fuller sense of the setting and the characterizations.

Also, the use of the number 457 was really intriguing, but you could have expanded it much further. The ending felt really abrupt and unnatural -- you introduced this exceptionally interesting literary device, but then stopped short of exploring it to its full potential. Your story is great, but if you exapanded the theme of numbers and wove it directly into the centre of your plot, the story would feel fuller.

Finally, I was somewhat unnerved by the last piece of dialogue: 'James grinned at Lily, who smiled back. “Love.”' This seems a little rushed. Love is a BIG emotion, and yet they declare it so easily. Lily seemed to snap instantly from abhorring James to loving him. The transition was far too rapid. Having them being warm, friendly and flirty at the end of the story might be a little more realistic than having them declare their love.

Anyway! These are all just suggestions. Please feel free to utilise them or discard them as you see fit. Please, don't take my crits as a flame, or feel that they mean that I did not like your story. Ultimately, your story was great and I really enjoyed it! Your writing style was pleasing, and your story was very sweet and cute. If you've got any questions or thoughts about my suggestions, feel free to drop me a line. All in all, your writing style was pleasing, your grammar was pretty solid, and your plot was innovative. Great job!

Take care,
OritPetra

p.s. I read your little essay about Peter on your profile, and let me just say this: OH MY GOD, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. You have restored my faith in the Harry Potter fandom. I HATE people who mindlessly characterize (marauder-era) Peter as a complete idiot, and then have every other character hating on him for the rest of the story. Gah! I gape every time I find that. Did these people even read the books? Geez. But, yes, anyhow -- I 100% agree with your arguments concerning Peter, and I wanted to thank you for posting them. Cheers!

thats cool how you counted out the days to get that number
and its a good story

Good job! I loved it! :D

ah laura that was so good!

Are you sure that 457 is the right number? I got... never mind, I recalculated... yeah

I definitely like it! I especially like the description of the "famous Potter-Evans arguments". Haha, it was priceless!

I liked it. =D I especially liked how you coordinated the numbers in, it was a clever idea and plot...uh...addition. thing. haha. well anyway. I liked it, nice job. =D

I like it, particularly the use of the number 357. However, it would've been nice if that plot point had beend developed a little more.

In any case this was a really good fic. Great job. :D

So good! Sad, funny, romantic. What more does a oneshot need?

I can't believe you did that math...It was a good story...although a little unusual I suppose. But it was still good.

i only have one word for you... amazing! i love the tie in with the numbers! its fantastic! very touching! great job!

woot! Very nicely done. It IS all in the numbers isn't it? lol, but it was really good. Very well written.

really really good! im adding this to my community, its aim is to promote fabulous but under-reviewed fics, come stop by, or say hi on the forum, would love to see you there!
fantastic work with this story. It was very real, although i think Lily might have gotten over her grief surprisingly quickly (but im gonna attribute that to several calming draughts)
you write wonderfully, with great expression and descriptions, so great work!