Hi, just thought I'd say that this a great story plot-wise but you still need a little work on your grammar and spelling in some cases. You've improved a LOT since the first few chapters but it's not perfect. Have you considered getting someone to proof-read your stories? Other than that, I think this story is great and I really hope to see it continued.

dangerouslies

Moderator of Reviewer's Kingdom

"as nice as it is to recall it, I don’t see where this conversation came from and our acting strange, what’s going on, and don’t you dare say nothing you know I can tell when you lie!” Sparrow simply stared at her dumfounded that girl sure could read him like an open book;" This a part of your other fic.

I like this chapter on this one, but I need to talk about the other one. Confuse?

When I say commas, is like in this line of Raven. First of, she is completely OOC, but that's nothing. Commas is used for bring a pause on the text. If it don't exist, seems from the text that the person is simply talking ininterruptely, almost screaming, like we would do in a moment of stress.

The line you used above, is common on US (I think), but no one talk that phrase in a fast way. It supposed to be a pause in that. You put too much information in one period, and without a pause we read as a car in a highway. Tell me if you see the difference:

as nice as it is to recall it, I don’t see where this conversation came from. And you are acting strange by the way. What’s going on? And don’t you dare say 'nothing', you know I can tell when you lie!

*enormous review*

Did you understand when I talk about your grammar? You have a good imagination, but you have to be careful.

next chappie i love this story n this is the first mal n rae story i have ever read big applause lol

Aww this is so sweet and comforting. This is definitly a sweeter side of Mal. Though sad 'cause of sparrow. :( Oh thanks for reviewing and posting my story on your chapter thingy. It means alot to me. Oh I switched it to RaeXRed to maybe drag out some reviews, But it's still MalXRae. I'm just evil like that ;)

I think I get it.

'up-right fatal position' you mean FETAL position, not fatal. Fatal means deadly.

Aww how sad... I still like it though, and sorry for the late update and lack of update.

Eh, those guys are piss heads. They're probably gonna end up on the news for a hate crime or something, then you can laugh at them.

Poor Sparrow. I'm not sure if its a good thing when they see each other; it'd be bittersweet, it think.

Don't be shocked, I have a gift with these kind of things.

But, anyway, I don't think the story were good enough for my payment (I'm really annoying, I know) please, before the next sunset. Make the two litlle friends be together for more than a minute. I would LOVE to know how was their first kiss.

see ya

Hehe, that was cute. I love Raven and Sparrow when they're together. Why are you making him die? Couldn't you keep, just for a little while? :]

O-M-G! Poor poor sparrow... But This chapter has totally given me insperation! halts work on last pic and starts new one Mwahahaha. Can't wait to see what happens next! Please update soon the antisipation is killin me!

Alas I have terrible news! The vcr ate my favorite disney movie. It will pay. It will effin' PAY! (you all will)

Oh soon I'll post a story and I want your opinion on it.

HOLY SHIZZLE a cookie rubs in random persons face what now foo? uh oh poor sparrow, I certainly wasn't expecting this to be the out come of the chapter. I like it. OH wait I have pictures of the elementals! Can't post them now cause Im doing "algebra 2" cough..wink-wink. :) I promise to try to make them somewhat decent and actually look good *sigh*.

I enjoyed. Well, it was kind of disturbing to see Sparrow like this, but I like it. Hurrah Sparrow.

Please, don't kill him in next chapter, you owe me a childhood story first.

I hate skool too, so I'll try to cheer you up.

Poor Sparrow, is he gonna die?

I'ld like it, sure. But put more Sparrow in the fic, I kinda like the small talk (the dialogue) beetwen him and Ravey Roo. I want to hear (read) their story when youngers.

Somehow I don't think it's the hive.