Interesting story... I can't really think of anything quite like it that I've read before. Dearka's pov about the actual killing in war seems reasonable, but maybe a little ooc. I can't quite figure out why though. It makes a little more sense when you mention his ex and how he was scared from that personal experience, but... I don't know if you've reached the depth of his feelings. Try going into his reasoning further. Why does he hate his job so much if he really wants to protect his friends? Is it worth killing so many (Naturals) to save his (Coordinator) friends? Why? As an introspective piece, these questions may be more of what Dearka needs to figure out before he can become more self-confident in his decisions and grow as a character.

Grammar-wise and word choice: when you write "gayness," I understand what you mean, but because Dearka is so often the center of yaoi or shonen ai pairings, I think you should find a different synonym. Otherwise, your readers are questioning whether Dearka is pretending to be in love with Yzak so he doesn't have to think about war.

"Just another perfectly day..." Simply use "perfect" because it's an adjective for the noun "day," and "perfectly" is an adverb which you don't there.

I really liked it. So very few stories or even info on what the guys were like actually in ZAFT when they weren't fighting, so it's nice to see them on a down day. It's also nice to see Dearka before he joined the AA, where the viewers really finally got to know him better.

Very enjoyable read. ^.^

Wow. It was so depressing until the end, but then it brightened so much it made me laugh in relief.

Also, I love that this all focuses on Dearka. I struggle every single day of my life trying to understand that guy's damn dynamics, because for some reason his character continually slips free of my grasp. You brought out other, inner sides of him that I'd never dare to touch for fear of making him all OOC. But OOC is what your fic is not, and so I really enjoyed all the Dearka-ness in here.

And oh yeah... the last line wins all. :D Nicely written as usual.