This is the beginning of a very good story. One type of Ranma 1/2 story that I enjoy is one where Ranma finally gets fed up with everything and goes in a new direction, and this story clearly sets this up. Although Ranma is a very strong individual, everyone has a limit.

Although I'm not too familiar with "Oh!/Ah! My Goddess" (I do know the basics of the story), with the little I do know about Belldandy, I didn't think she came off as out of character. I think her slight harshness is due to the loss of Keichi. Losing someone you love is bound to change an individual.

Considering what has happened, I don't see an Ranma/Akane pairing as possible now. As the story makes clear, Akane has crossed a line with Ranma and there is no going back. To me, it is clear that Ranma knows deep down that Akane hates him. No matter what happens, that will always be there. I look forward to seeing what happens to Akane as she realizes what she has lost.

The only thing I wasn't sure about is exactly what caused Akane to say "I hate you" to Ranma and mean it. I think it may be because of his attack on Ryoga, but I'm not sure based on what is written.

Although a Ranma/Belldandy pairing is possible, I don't see it as likely because the loss of Keichi is far too new to her. Considering her very long life, two years is barely any time at all to her. I could see Belldandy helping Ranma to find the right girl.

I do think a Ranma/Kasumi pairing could work. Right now, any girl who aggressively, or even actively, pursues Ranma will drive him away. But as has been shown, Ranma does care about Kasumi and that caring could turn to love. But there is a question about whether Kasumi would be interested in Ranma romantically, and Akane would definitely be a problem for them. As things stand at the end of the chapter, the only other possible pairing would be a Ranma/Nabiki pairing.

As I previously said, this is a very good story and I look forward to reading more. Thanks for reading and I hope the above helps.

A good start for this story. I hope you go for a Ranma and Kasumi pairing in this one.

Also familiar. Again, are you going to continue it?

From how you introduced Belldandy, I assume that you are going to say she is already married to Keichi. Good. About time someone made it look like they actually made some progress.

From the offices of AMWOOD co

This is an interesting start...

I have a hard time imagining Belldandy without Keichi...
I have also a question for you. Dead people don't go to Heaven, if they are good? If so, Belldandy should just have to go back home to be with Keichi again... (Never really understood why a relation between a goddess and a mortal would break the goddess' heart at the mortal's death...)

I though you would make this a Ranma Belldandy fic, but you just said no...
Now, I really wonder who Ranma will be with.

Please update soon.

is it a ranma/kasumi match? they'd just make the cutest couple.

fun chapter. and it looks like its setting up for a beldandy, match...

i like where its going. keep writing

Good start.
I hope you will continue this. I imagine the Mara will get involved later.. and that things will nto sit well with Bell/Mara.
I look forward to more.

Ryoga that poor fool,plz plz plz update soon ^_^

An interesting start. You seem to subscribe to the anti-Akane interpretation of her character, which is fine. It seems that Akane in the manga is short tempered, but the one in the anime is psychopathic, and you appear to favor using the anime Akane. Still, more of a set up for the "I hate you", I think would, have helped. There's something about Belle's conversation with Kami-sama that didn't ring true, but I can't put my finger on it. Perhaps Belle should have spoken to one of her sisters, probably Urd first.

Still, a good start, and I hope to see more! Thanks!

Nice start. Can't wait to see where this going. Akane actually saying she hates Ranma while being calm and collected? Good!

PLEASE tell me this is not going to be Ranma/Akane in the end! If it is, a kitten will cry, an angel will lose it's wings and a demon will be teleported into heaven (just inside Kami-samas office (and directly on his lap!)).

your going great with this story so far.but why not match them up it would balance out both of thier lives and give them something that was extremly important happiness. But if i can make a reconmendation for a match for him Belldandy, kasumi, brittney digger any sailor scout, or any female tenchi muyo caracter.

Hello,

Interesting story, however there are a few things that bring it down - way down. You seem to have a talent for putting words together, unfortunately this is diminished by the use of fanon-derived characters that you are choosing to use. Here are a few things that you need to consider:

Fanfiction is about the characters and therefore you are limited to the characters you are choosing to use. It is all right to change the characters, however you need to show how and why the characters are behaving a certain way. Like I told another author: The difference between good writers and bad is that the good writers show and tell how why the characters are behaving the way they are, bad writers fall back on fanon, cheap plot devices and stuff they pulled out of their hat.

In this case, you are straying from how the characters are shown in the manga without adequate development to explain the changes. If you are going to change the characters, fine - but you need to *show* how and why these changes took place within the context of the story. The readers have to understand what made the characters what they are; so far, you have changed the characters massively without any *real reasons* given.

Seriously, you can do better than this. Akane isn't near as bad as you show her here and the only Tendo that is out to make Ranma's life miserable is Nabiki - and that's only if she can personally profit from it. Not that I would mind if you show Akane behaving like this, but you have to explain and show how the situation got so bad between the two to make it believable. As is, it just looks like a cheap plot device to separate the principles.

If Akane behaved like this, the natural assumption from Ranma would be that Shampoo was using drugs again.

Okay, on with the story and a few technical things to fix up. Though many people know LEO means Low Earth Orbit, it still would be nice to spell it out. Also you need to spell out numbers, it is "ten", not "10". The general rule of thumb in the use of numbers is that it is okay to use numbers for street addresses and phone numbers and for numbers over one hundred; anything below one hundred needs to be spelled out.

You show Ranma being terribly hurt, but because the situation that did it wasn't presented in a believable manner, it is really hard to accept his behavior. This could be fixed by having a more detailed set up to explain the changes in Ranma and Akane's relationship and why they are behaving the way they are. See my above comment on this.

You now have him passing out from the "emotional battering". This is extremely out of character for Ranma to do this and because of the inadequate set up in the beginning, his behavior makes no sense.

Quote:
The woman, one first-class goddess named Belldandy, picked up Ranma and teleported, since there were no mirrors around to walk through, back to the temple she lived in.
End quote.

I've read that sentence three times and it is very clunky. How about breaking up for clarity, like: The woman, first-class goddess by the name of Belldandy, picked Ranma up and held him. Because there was no mirrors to pass through back the the temple she lived at, she opted to teleport.

It's not great, but it is a bit clearer, but it also begs the question: Why bother with mirrors if Belldandy can teleport to where ever she wants? You are going to have to explain that somehow, because it is a "character hole" that might come back to bite you. It might be better to have her seek out a mirror in a public restroom or a clothing store changing room.

Okay, Bell is talking to God and in the course of the conversation you demonstrate that you are not familiar with the characters that you are writing about. See my earlier comments above on fanfiction, good and bad authors, and characters. So research on your part is probably needed.

"Inquire" is not a big word; Ranma is not that stupid.

I forgive you for making Belldandy "a little out of character" because the rest of the cast is massively out of character. You need to brush up on the characters from the manga before writing anymore, because these characters are not recognizable as Ranma 1/2 characters; especially Ranma. There is nothing really recognizable about him except his name. You need to go back and fill in the missing pieces to his new personality to make this work.

I sincerely hope some of my comments are helpful.

I actually kinda figured that out. She did call herself Morisato Belldandy. I'm guessing she already married Keichi. You could go to wikipedia and look up Belldandy's character there. it could help with the story. Another thing, when it comes to Bell, She's like Kasumi down to the "oh my."