Beautifuly(did I spell that right) writen. I would have cry/laffed(I know that's not spelled right, lol), but I'm at the library...I think it was so great i can even critique it...witch is rare

Aw! How sweet! I love your story, by the way!

Quite perfect actually. I was kind of annoyed at Hatori. I mean, he obviously can't have all the answers...But his answer was a little confusing, especially to a young sheltered girl like Akito. But Shigure, oh how perfectly Shigure that is. He ish my favorite and you did him much justice. Thank you ^_^

That was so nice. It was very easy to picture all of that actually happening, and the last line...Oh, how I nearly cried. All in all, you did an awesome job!

It's so... sad. ='< Poor Akito...
Shigure really is a bastard. And talk about munipulative! =O It's almost like he's grooming her... Making Akito believe that she's truly in love with him.

A great fic! =D

[YAY! DEDICATION! And I inspired something, huh? *preens* Oh yeah. Hey, is it just me, or is my hat shrinking? But. Yeah. Hahahaha. I get a fic to share with Windswift! *hugs fic, Windswift, and Katia* Love! …Teenage Akito fics that are coming? In the future tense? OH YES. See Katia write. See Katia write more. See Adi die of joy.]

“She liked that.”
- Darn straight. This is how things should be. There has to be order, or there would be chaos. Wow was that profound. But you know what I mean, above the incredibly simplistic way of putting it.

“This wasn’t common, her tongue moved with the fluidity and intensity of her mother’s.”
- Catch me. I’m fainting. Oh, for the sheer goodness. And just sort of stuck in there, all part of this thing, but taken on its own you could put it in so many other contexts and it would still be… Oh yeah. Akito-Ren love. [Not… like that. Just. You know.]

“She took a deep breath, and like everything she did, the words came quickly and sharply off her tongue, before they could get the right way to be said.”
- Damn you. This is going to be one of those ONES where I have to stop and adulate every five seconds and thus make no actual progress in the story. It’s not my fault you have this one-liner gift. Oh sweetness. There’s Akito’s character. Right there. Effulgence!

“Hatori, there’s only one kind.”
- Okay, this conversation is clearly going to very special places and I can’t wait to follow its winding road. But I had to take this little side trip. Because damn. There, again, is a LINE. One kind of love. Oh, Akito. So very HER. And so very going to get her hurt. Oh, and that bit about Hatori not answering as well if he thinks she’s mad at him. *wriggle*

“We all love you very much Akito.”
- Nice deflect, Haa-san! Dodge that ball. Oh shit. I’ve just figured out where this is going a few lines back, and now I’ve got this sick falling feeling. As tension goes, darling, you’re a master. Oh bugger.

“ ‘I told you, there isn’t a different kind!’ she yells, hurt and scared.”
- Oh gods. Such beautiful… mm. Yes.

“He seems more at ease now that she’s started yelling.”
- Again. Yes. So…

Okay, and I can’t paste the rest of the conversation, but… that is such, such a brilliant concept. Again, you have used Hatori in a way I would never have even considered, but which makes so much sense it’s staggering. Of course she would choose Hatori to love like that, given that choice. He is absolutely perfect in all the ways Shigure and Kureno are not. He’s… Akira’s fatherlyness, Kureno’s devotion, Shigure’s niche in her life, Yuki’s obedience all rolled into one perfect package. And he’d never even dream of hurting her [yet; not ignoring Kana, but that’s years of tired slogging through the pain later].

Even better, it feels right and wrong in equal proportions. I mean, as someone who knows what’s going to happen, it feels downright icky and completely impossible. And as someone in the right-now of the story, it’s almost inevitable. Cripes, growing up with Hatori? Thirteen years old? I’d have a crush on him too. He’d be such a safe person to have that crush on, you know? Maybe this was just me personally at thirteen, but I know that, as much as I adore all the Sohmas, if I were in Akito’s place - even without her psychoses - I’d have chosen him too.

I’ve gone on way too long on this now, because I don’t want to see her cry anymore. Girding loins. Back into breach. Breech. Whatever.

“Which was of course what he wanted her to do from the beginning.”
- Oh yes.

Okay. Again, not going to paste the entire scene. But I’m to where they kiss, and have to adulate. That Hatori, faced with this request, tells her to wait, and then Shigure just goes ahead and does it… such a perfect illustration. That he’s still referring to her as “ours” right up to this special-different kind of intimacy is very meaningful and I’m not sure how but it just is and I love you for it.

Speaking of which - her not being nervous with Hatori about his rejecting her because it just won’t happen. Utter brilliance. Oh yes. “You’d like to do this right.” Because of course he knows what she wants, and knows he WILL do it right, and…

“I hope I’ve had enough practice at that to make it a nice time for you.”
- …I stopped breathing there. Literally.

“… wasn’t that the right love?”
- Just so… lost and. Damnit.

Maybe that’s what the “ours” means. That since she’s still theirs, not his, he gets to… do that. Oh my god I hate him so much right now. But he gets to be a complete and utter bastard because this is still, in his mind, something that she could just as easily have turned to any of her juunishi for. Obviously one of them turned her down, but in a way that makes it even worse - he’s SECOND CHOICE. He must’ve been madder than all hell. Crud, I hadn’t even considered the second-choice ramifications. So then if/when he finds out it was Hatori…

Oh boy.

And then that makes the Kureno thing even more…

You are… very good. At writing. I think that’s about as succinctly as I can put it, and believe me, you don’t want me to start going on about it right now. I love you. But axe-murder remains a viable option.

And I have to say again, that “practice” line and having Hatori be her wanted-first-kiss - both. Blew me away.

Mush... mush... like gooey fluff?

Good Hatori, immediately knows to set down the book. I bet Shigure isn't that smart yet. Or, well, he is that smart but likes to torment.

"She took a deep breath, and like everything she did, the words came quickly and sharply off her tongue, before they could get the right way to be said." That is exactly it.

"He looked a little taken aback. She supposed she shouldn’t be surprised. After all, she loves him and she is certain he loves her, so he must wonder why she is confused." Akito logic and thought process. I think it was Adi who said Akito takes everything and makes it about her.

"Hatori, there's only one kind." Heh... that opens up a whole new world of possiblities. If bonds of Jyuunishi love are same as "let us have sex!" love...

I would be scared too, in Hatori's place... Shigure says "this is what people do with love," "there's only one kind of love," and "you love me, right?" I'm seeing the torture.

"He looks... sad?"

Manipulative!Shigure. He's a master at his craft...

Bastard!Shigure. Also a master at his craft.
And that, my friends, is why she goes to Kureno. Because Kureno has not gone out enough to get the experience yet to say horrible things like, "I hope I’ve had enough practice at that to make it a nice time for you.”

"But she is human, and she has been hurt.
And for Akito, for God, that makes it even worse." Wah... and that's why Akito and Shigure's relationship sucks for so long.

And no, it's not bad. And actually, I didn't even notice the tense switch... I had to go back and look for it after.

-Shinju

that was amazing. that pairing is soo bittersweet. I loved it! :) adding to my favs list.

Oh my god, thats... sad, oh dios mio, pobre akito, well, you shock me, so... i'll put this one in my favorites, thanks a lot!

Poor Akito! This is such a sad story, and it's really really good.

That wasn't rubbish at all.
It is rather sad though I'm feeling really sad for Akito though cause what Shigure did is something he would do but it must be so confusing for her :( This was very well written for no sleep well done lol