Mike, I'm shocked! you really ought to go back and edit this. It has the potential to be a well-done piece of work, but seriously, a spelling error in the first sentenace? It's just not like you...

But, like thor said, you did an excellent job of portraying the meetings of the high and mighty muckety mucks (which I also will be learning from), even if the physical thrashing of the Prince by Marius was a little out of keeping with the Tremere in general. All in all an pretty good job, but you should really update this.

Gee...only one chapter up and no apparent news about new ones. WHat a shock Mike! You're usually so prompt and efficient and ...(sarcasm devoles as helpless fit of guffaws shakes through Thor's frame)

But seriously. A very well handled description of a meeting in the halls of power. It gave me some ideas on how I could improve my own work in this area (and for that, thank you, thank you, thank you.) The characters all developed nicely and seemed to act appropriately to their nature. Very well done job on introducing so many people at once without bogging down the reader too much. You should go through and clean up the spelling (and at least one tense mistake...the writing kind, not the angsty type) Also I would like to know what the hell Kiel was up to after going through the window. WHy didn't he charge back up to get into it? It just seemed a very wimpy and pathetic departure for a man who could hold the position of prince. (please explain more in the next chapter) Though it was a surprisingly funny way for the oh so proper Tremere to get so physical in his ousting of the prince. I would very much like to see the next chapter so that I could learn more of what the various primogen were thinking. As well as the consequences of the new prince.

Great as always! But is this the end or is there more to come? Waiting inpatiently!

Bravo! Now that is a good story, Mike! I would like to see more chapters come from this story. Very well written minus the minor spelling errors.

The time you take to simply sit back and describe the surroundings in the opening paragraphs is certainly well spent. Beyond allowing the reader to more fully imagine the surroundings, however, you have also set a bit of pacing with the opening three paragraphs. Your writing proceeds slowly and methodically, thus creating a pace that has that same feeling. When all hell breaks loose later, the sudden shift in pacing helps you make more than simply a subtle impact on the reader, and that is well done. I like the introduction of the Gangrel, in effect acknowledging their general nature while also explaining why St. Louis demands that they be different. You also say a bit about the city you write about, as well, by explaining the Gangrels’ role. The other clans are also introduced and described well. I particularly like the comment about the Nosferatu being like a parody of Laurel and Hardy. As for Marsius… well, leave it to a Tremere to know how to make an entrance. Now, as for the point where all hell breaks loose… I love the image of every vampire except for Marsius and Kiel leaping from their chairs and drawing weapons. It’s a great image, and wonderful characterization. Even better, though, are Marsius’ instructions that the primogen will vote for a new prince, and that they will vote for him. Simple and powerful. Perfect. My one complaint lies with Jed’s vote. While it is obvious to the reader and the characters that Marsius should be named prince, I would like to know what thoughts run through Jed’s mind as he ponders his decision. He hates Marsius, but knows that the Tremere offer the best hope, at least for the time being, of finding strength. Elaborate a little there (you know, when you go back through to fix typos and stuff).

I have broken my cardinal rule and posted before a complete and thorough edit. For those of you tht pick out the flaws, my bad...