looking forward to actioned filled stuff!

wow i like it
update soon!!

best of luck and my condolences about your grandmother

Again, very well written chapter. Your first perspective on Hinata is very well done. I could feel her fear and insecurities reading it.

About the ending, Hiashi's last words are on the edge of being mysterious and totally confusing. Why would hiashi talk to hinata about not getting into something more than she could handle? Nothing in hinata's actions would trigger that reaction. So this is mysterious. What is hiashi warning about really? On the other hand, just one line where Hiashi goes *very* cold so quickly and without setup or preamble is jarring. Maybe a pause where Hiashi stared at Hinata for a moment or where there is a give and take between the two speaking about her mother maybe or tsunade would've helped. Something with dialogue or a pause I think would've made the ending better.

Big fan of the story. question is 'authoress' a real word?

This is a very intense story. It's believable also. I haven't seen Pan's labyrnth, but looking at what you've doen so far it's an interesting story. Please, do continue

x3
I like it so far, neh.

I like this it's interesting. I have heard somethings about Pans labnrynth. Regretfully I haven't seen it. Still I think it's an ambitious merger and you are taking into account the original characters personalities really well. Continue soon.

first of all: the clarity of your writting and skill is very very high. better than most on fanfiction dot net. i'm not blowing smoke either. loved the pace, details and tone. The Hinato POV was spot on and I liked how you pulled in other characters from the Naruto Universe into the finer details.

liked the story structure and small surprise in the end.


great job!

I READ IT!
~Emily

though i haven't seen the movie, i liked this setup alot. its creative and the writting was clear.


if there was something missing, i'd say that a reason to read the story of Hinata and Hanabi further is missing. There is no question or 'hook' in the story for readers.

So maybe putting the ending in some way where people ask, 'how will they live now?', 'where are they living now, what will their lives be', etc. that would make the intro much better. Unless this was a prologue

either way, the writting was clear. best of luck with the story