Woah... 0_0 Nice.

HAHAHA. Yes. That's exactly how it would go.

It was very portic and pretyy. The words have a smoothness to them in that respect. It seems that you dont' have a very good grasp of grammar:

"chaos splashing the irises taking them over like ghosts."

It's really pretty, but it doesnt make sence. I kind of understand this, but try using another word instead of irises.

"round circles" no need to double the adjective. It's ok to write "frantic round eyes."

"...what is normal and gender contribute..." Gender is not a verb. you can include the word
"gender" to discribe their differences, but it doesn't work that way.


And that's all I noticed really. Not too big of a deal.

Anyway, I liked this one shot. I like gay fanficton because it puts the characters to the test. =0.0= And the fic is usually pretty unique, which is fun to read.

The ending was kind of strange too! Like he's been thinking this all very poetically, but he's just been sitting there watching a TV.

Well written, but the use of Blink 182 seems slightly silly to me. Just my opinion though