 Twilight Power 2008-01-05 . chapter 2I still want you to continue writing this, but I didn't like the begining. Here's how I would've written it, if you're intrested.
'He got up and trudged over to the door and pulled it open. He stood in shock at what… Rather, who stood in front of him. She was here. Here. He hair tied back tightly and in sweats and a t-shirt, looking as if she hadn’t had any sleep in a few weeks.
“Hi, I’m Kayliegh, but I think you already know that,” she told him as he kept the door opened. “Now, what I don’t know is who you are.”
“I’m Evan. How’d you find me, Kay?” he asked her, scared as to why Kayliegh knew his name.
“A whole lot of research,” she told him. “Now, I have some questions for you, and I am not leaving until they are answered.”
Evan couldn't take it anymore. He tried to close the door on her but she jammed her foot in the doorway and stuck her head in the crack of the door. He saw that she wasn't going to go that easily. He opened the door fully, gesturing his arm as a sign that it was okay to come in. When she had made her way in he said in a polite manner, “What do you want?”
“How do you know me? And, how do I know you?” she asked, adding the second part as a last minute thing.
“We met at a birthday party when we were kids,” he answered simply but uneasy.
“You threatened me and my family, correct?” she continued and he nodded. “Why?”
Evan was now more uncertain than before. “It was in your best interest.”
“So I wouldn’t kill myself when I got older, or get blown up by a dynamite?” she leaned forward, gauging his reaction.
“H-How?” he stuttered out, not being able to finish the sentence. She shouldn’t be able to remember it. Any of it. Every other time he’d gone and changed anything, he was the only one to remember it. So, how had she?'
But, that's just my opinion. It just seems better. Remember, I still want you to continue. |