Hello there Quentix.

I apologize for slacking in my duties toward your still kicking story. I neglected to read chapters 11 and 12 so I decided to read 13 instead.

Whether this decision was wise or foolish...only time will tell.

So far so good...I can see that Beatrice has given up on trying to take Aver back, or has she? And that Krystal is being stubborn despite of the fact that Beatrice genuinely wishes to befriend her.

Interesting. Wonder how this will turn out.

First mistake:

-"Simple reason kiddo, the monkey may be a jest...but his cash is good." she eased up as she saw Raven moving up behind him, no matter how could he was...being unable to hear Raven would be his downfall.-

No matter how could? Could? Don't you mean to put "good"?

Second mistake:

-Raven watched the veteran Star fox team members and grinned, he was dealing with the best marksmen, so for they seemed to be all talk. He scoffed at the mention of it; reputations were all talk in his mind.-

So for? For? Don't you mean "far"?

-As the massive berserker launcher that he wielded was perfectly suited towards his ability in battle-

Fragment sentence? It doesn't seem to make much sense.

Third mistake:

-As he aimed the next shot from his heavy Vulcan cannon, the burst clearing off the huge burst of snow with ease.-

Same mistake, different sentence. Even the same first word.

Fourth mistake:

-This before leaping to something a wedge in the Cliffside and putting the great cannon on his back, and then persisting in his powered leaps up the side of the cliff while under fire from the Cornerians.-

Another similar sentence...but at least it didn't start with the same word this time.

A FIFTH MISTAKE AND SIXTH!:

-It seemed to be an obssession, she started to grind into him and pant while running the dagger deeper into his hand and bit softly on his lips.-

You misspelled obsession. And you messed up the flow of the sentence. For example: He was running and stop for a drink. Get it? She started to grind into him and pant while running the dagger deeper into his hand and "biting" softly on his lips.

Oh, curse my soul and mind! A seventh mistake!:

-That blood was Aver's, she was why he held his neck?-

Missing a word or two maybe? It doesn't make much sense.

-Exciting? I hope so? I wanted to surprise my readers, I wanted to give you something for waiting so long.

So here it was, the big surprise I held back, now which will prevail amongst these three types of 'love': The fallen love, the passionate love, or the insane love? You decide for yourselves.-

Hm...?

While I am a sophisticated individual with high standards and much class, I can't help but say that the former and the latter interest me more so than the middle. Fallen love and Insane love piques my interest far more than this so called passionate love, which most teens substitute in place for lust.

Actually...if you must make me choose between the two, fallen and insane, I would have to lean more towards the fallen love.

Meh...I'm naturally a bitter individual so its no surprise to me that I would go for the fallen love.

Good day Quentix!

Until next time

Best Wishes,

Chris

I found one mistake...and that was near the end.

YES finally a mistake.

"this couldn't be as desperate as it looked right? she"

You forgot to capitalize she after the question mark.

Well I do hope the next chapter comes quickly...for the tension is only just now beginning.

"Good reviews are great but critical reviews are better" - personal quote - KrzyKrn.

Best Wishes,

Krys

Ah ha... Well the dominant side of women are what turns some people on. And I suppose Krystal's dominance during their intercourse only strengthened Aver's lust and/or love for her. Though I must say you seemed to have a lot of detail into that content. The only other story that I have read that had "good" descriptive "sexual" writing was TrailerFlip's "Fox and Krystal's Night Out"

Well this chapter seemed as a bit of a filler and a foreshadowing of Beatrice's competition over Aver's...er? Shaft? Foxhood? Love?

I would not know...it seems that they both want Aver for just his body...and then again it does say that Krystal does have "true" feelings for Aver and its not just some feral and/or instinctive feeling that she uses to pleasure herself.

Well...finally you got this chapter up.

I was wondering when you'd put up another chapter.

Nice job.

Best Wishes,

Krys

Well good chapter...although the lil scene in the middle just blew my mind away.

But I was prepared, I have read plenty of crappy sex stories by crappy teenage writers to know how to "appreciate" "mature" content without exactly being some kind of freak.

The content was okay, it definitely showed both of their thoughts, although more so Krystal than it was Aver.

It was sweet and slow and tender in the beginning but then the whole feral instincts kinda kicked in it seemed, but you didn't rush it, no you took it nice and slow. Pretty good description if I might say so myself. I have read only two stories with "good" and "acceptable" "mature" content: This story and TrailerFlip's "Fox and Krystal's Night Out" story.

Best Wishes,

Krys

UGH! So hard to think straight...why'd you put a cliff hanger der? OMG, well anyways great chapter again. I loved the whole suspense thingy and the fact that FINALLY there is some sort of a "obstacle" in the growing relationship between Aver and Krystal.

Well as much as I'd like them to "get" together (mate, wutever) maybe I should take the abstinence route? o.0

Well maybe they should get together and it'll change their lifes.

Maybe Krystal wants to take it nice and slow and refuses the "generous" offer, kindly.

Or maybe they get to it and like 5 minutes into it Dowell comes busting in through the door...awkward light comedy, I guess.

You choose your pick Quentix, you haven't made a wrong choice so far...let the force guide you?

P.S. I need a review for my story too, that is if you're not too busy writing your other 10 stories...lol)

Best Wishes(as always),

KrzyKrn

Oh ya one other thing to add on...

You have minor minor grammatical errors nothing that you need to bash your head over with but just pointing that out...its nothing serious at all. And yes I would love to see the relationship blossom and for Krystal to finally open up to Aver later in the story, maybe they will mate? Maybe something tragic happens to one of them? Maybe one of Aver's past rivals show up or something and kidnaps Krystal? I dunno just throwing out ideas here...doesn't mean you HAVE to use them.

Hmm pretty good... I like how you are slowly rolling into a serious relationship with Aver and Krystal... Sorry bout eariler comments I really dunno what came ova me but ya it was my childish side that urged me to type that message. Gald you didn't take MY advice lol

Well lovin the story so far... uh some input? Hm I duno make some humor and fun into it, not like you didn't but you know some more humor or flirting around?

And uh Aver saving Krystal from a certain doom or the other way around during the mission or later on in the story.

Yup that is all I can think of at the moment

Uh? i dunno should Krystal take this slow and easy? or should she just go all out crazy tonight with Aver immediately? hm... (angel on right shoulder, devil on left) Devil: I think she should get freaky with Aver Muhuahahahah!, Angel: I think she should take more time considering this would-be long term relationship before she does anything to serious that might change her life forever. Devil: You dunno wut ur talking about she should definitly get freaky b/c there is another Cerinian there...Hello? rebuild their civilization or you know save their race from extinction. Angel: You know on second thought ya she should get with Aver... but no freaky in bed, just nice and slow. Devil: Freaky! Angel: No Freaky

Devil: I said Freaky! Angel: And I said no freaky! Devil:Freaky Angel: No Freaky Devil:Argh No FREAKY! Angel: FREAKY! uhh wait... oops did I just say that?... Devil: so the choice is made FREAKY IT IS!

KrzyKrn: Ok after consulting my 2 worthiest and trustiest advisers I choose that Krystal JUMPS into a sudden relationship. Devil/Angel: you forgot to mention the freaky part.

KrzyKrn:? uhh? Oh ok and that Krystal gets freaky with Aver...

Happy?

Devil: Yes

KrzyKrn: You know wut forget about freaky b/c I don't wish to make Krystal seem... lik a s3x fiend

Answering chapter four's question...it depends on which direction you plan to take Krystal in.

I mean, in terms of a dramatic story, sure - let Krystal and Aver get into a deep and intimate relationship.

Civilly, Krystal should wait until a better time; but those're only my opinions.

Average Score: 8/10.

ok ok, this is great, i cant think of anything to complain about. but i gotta ask you, what is the direction of this story? write me back, soldier.