Wow, this is cool. I don't normally read gamer stuff, but i was UBER bored and decided to spend a day perusing for Vaan/Penelo,
(Or Larsa/Penelo) and I liked this! Oh yeah, I have an idea. Penelo could become somehow injurred, on the edge of death, and Vaan culd go all spastic and insane.

I agree with you that this is much better in terms of description. Good job there, and keep it up. I think you've nailed the characterization quite well, apart from a few glitches here and there. But nothing drastically OOC.

It's quite interesting to find out that it was arson and it was targeted primarily at Fran and Balthier, and I'm getting curious at how does it involves Ashe and Basch in general, I think you've got some plot hidden there.

Also, love the bit about Basch pampering young Ashe. Very adorable.

PS: I suppose it isn't important anymore but Vaan's ship didn't have an official name. It went 'Kaboom' in the opening of RW after their first adventure, so don't worry about it.

That was a catchy opening with the coronation and a fire that follows. It was quite rewarding to see the full cast appear immediately during the first chapter (something that I wouldn't even dare to consider writing for fear of coping with characterization). My only complaint is that the chapter wasn't longer and with more description to make the flow of the story smoother.

And damn, why didn't you ever tell me you've wrote a fic yourself XD

Whoot! Vaan is so number one when it comes to getting all fussed up over Penelo! (as well as making smart comments.) :)

This demon captain's got me all wrung up for more chapters (as does the 'Dread pirate' reference from Princess Bride) though I wonder what's in store for the heroes and OC's?

Lovely chapter~! I'm just glad you finally updated! XD

It's getting interesting, very interesting. I'd like to see how they manage to do this. The captain sounds invincible. :P

I loved this chapter! So much Vaan and Penelo! It's great haha. Keep it up. The story just gets better and better.

its nice. but i couldn't care less about this Cat person, go on kill her off lol.
and Balthier would never say "Aye" just a tip.

lol Vaan and Penelo are still exceedingly cute. Well done.

Yey, an update! ♥

XD Loved their joining the 'mafia'. Hehe.

Teh heh, an Imperial ship in Scumsville, wouldn't that be a sight...

I love where this is heading (And the OC's rock! Please don't kill 'em off!), especially with the relationships. (Though, I wonder, would a bit of Balthier/Fran be too much to ask?)

Kudos to ya!

It's so refreshing to find a FFXII fanfiction that's more than one chapter long :) One that's well written too.

Thanks for a great read, hope to see more soon

Al

Poor Nivys, writing such an ingenious piece of fanfiction, and getting only so little feedback... But I really hope that won't keep you from continuing here, because this story really rocks!

Your style of writing is awesome - very descriptive, fluent and easy to read at the same time. And concerning the absurd typos: Nevermind, that happens to others a whole lot, too. I'm just thinking about something I myself wrote once - a character of mine returned her lover's "desk" instead of a kiss... Well, yeah. ^^, Can't imagine how hard I laughed when I discovered it later on (after, of course, the "WTF?"-moment). Oh, or a friend of mine let her character pull back his wig instead of his hood... Such things happen, and whoever decides to flame about that isn't worth a second thought because they obviously don't have any sense of humour. ;)

The plot, up till now, is really interesting and intrigued me quite a bit... I'm almost sorry for discovering this story in such an early state, for if it would have been finished already, I wouldn't have to endure the torturing days between updates. And I wasn't in the least disturbed of your original characters or Rikken and Elza... To be honest, I found all of them quite lovely, and it is a pity that you decided to write them out. I really, really do hope that you didn't do this because you wanted to please your readers and reviewers (especially the one complaining about there being too much of those characters and too less of Basch and Ashe). I for myself prefer it the romance in a story is slowly developed, step by step... There is absolutely no need of rushing things at this early state, and being positive that this will be a long story, I think there will be enough time for focusing on the queen and her handsome knight once the plot is running smoothly. Up till now, I'm sure, your main concern might have been to get the story running.

Oh, and just to get it off my mind: If you ever decide on writing a story about Cat and her crew... I think she and Balthier would make a great couple. ;)

Allright, enough for now... I'm eagerly expecting the next chapter! ^^ Oh, and if there is any weird grammar or spelling in my rambling in review's disguise, be nice and forgiving towards a girl who's not a native english speaker and, additionally, ill and woozy because of that. ;)

FINISH PLEASE ARGH NNEED TO READ IT

I love this fic, so cute. Vaan and Penelo are adorable together:3

This is a very well written piece. Your characterization of the FFXII gang is spot on. I especially liked the Ashe-Penelo interaction-I can really see that one happening.

More importantly this fic feels like FFXII. Keep up the good work. XD