"Ranma no baka!"
[Some Japanese, such as the honorific suffixes, I understand being used since there isn’t really a good translation for them and I have to admit there is something lost by simply dropping them. However, there’s nothing lost by having Akane say ‘Ranma, you idiot!’ The exact same meaning exists in the Japanese.]

as if he had mearly dodged a speed bump.
[Spelling: merely.]

into her innuzuki's head with enough force to
[And again another point when Japanese is used when there’s really no reason making it better than English – in fact, I think it jars the flow of the narrative and quite simply disrupts the reading.]

Satisfied with the loud splash and yelp from the hapless boy,
[Though by the time he yelps, wouldn’t he be a girl?]

Not daunted,
[More often written as “Undaunted” – just thought I’d throw that out there.]

but the redhead managed to hide behind a particularly fat otaku.
[Obligated Japanese?]

and it looked like the surreal ness
[Missing hyphen in ‘surreal-ness’. The blank space just looks odd.]

It was really a lie, she told herself, since she did know Ranma.
[Is this supposed to say ‘It _wasn’t_ really a lie’?]

This was an interesting introduction and except for the unnecessary Japanese read well.

God bless and happy writing,
Ganheim

(grinning widely) luv this!! i like the way shampoo try to ignore (?) ranma... lol
cant wait the next chapter... xD

nice start! hope that you'll update soon because it is very refreshing to think that shampoo is annoyed with her airen! ha ha

anyway, it is also nice to think that you mentioning that shampoo has other friends. i think, from my point of view, she really needs it, totally one who is of her age or someone close to her age, although her grandmother for company is not that bad.

Hi there thanks for that one it was posted already somewhere
else? I thought I remembered that one. ;)

Furthermore, would you honor me with 'rating yourself' on my
homepage, which you can find through my profile here on
There in the 'Contact me'-section a little bit down
you can rate yourself.

Thank you!

Pretty good so far. Waiting for the next chapter...

An interesting story, a sort of "behind the scenes" look.

Thanks!

Wonderful! I love it when people show a more nuanced side to Shampoo, as opposed to her just being a violent, scheeming barbarian bimbo. ;p

Still, I recommend you read it through and give it some editing. You're good with the language and you've obviously done allot of research, but some sentences here and there were kinda wierd.

Example; "She knew that Shampoo had the time Furinkan let out memorized so she lie in wait for the perfect moment to spring." That didn't make much sense to me. ^^; Also, in the first paragraph you wrote that the åatron wouldn't get to eat "on this day" twice. Try to get rid off stuff like that.

Otherwise, this is well-written, fun and very interesting. I'll keep an eye on this one. ^^

Well, only spelling mistake I picked up on was "Satome" in the 9th line...Nice to see something that gives a little to Shampoo's character except just keeping her as a conveniant plot device...Good to see you updating again.

Wow! I absolutely love it. I like how you gave Shampoo friends outside of Nerima. I like how you portray her to have a life outside of Ranma and Nerima. It adds more to her character. I put this story in my favorites and story alerts so I hope you update really soon.

Oh this is horrible, I can't believe I'm reading this... How could Ranma have been so dense? 1,370, Poor Ranma-chan, you're getting rip-off!


lol,

nice ficlet, can't see where you;re going with this, but if I'm guessing correctly... this is one of THOSE isn't it? A fic where the normally 2 dimensional Rumiko's cast get explored and turned into something more realistic, right?

Anyway, you're doing a good job of keeping in character... I was half-expecting to see Shampoo speak perfect Japanese and is somewhat in control of her emotion...

I think I like this idea a lot more. It explores other sides of Shampoo but in a believeable way

Good job!