   Eccentric Samurai
2007-10-28 . chapter 1Oh... dear... me... what an interesting little tale you have cooked up. I must say I found this to be quite a satisfying read. Very satisfying indeed actually! I mean, whenever I see a story about Naruto being paired up with a character, he's paired up with Sasuke and it's a yaoi story. No offense to writers of yaoi, but that. Just. Would. Not. Work. Naruto and Sasuke are rivals who develop a grudge against each other towards the end of the first half of the series. Why on earth writers believe that the more two characters hate each other the more they love each other (especially if they are boys) is beyond me. Maybe that's just because I'm a purist when it comes to relationships in manga and anime (although I do support homosexuality in reality). But enough about that. Back to the story.
Before I get to the good points about the story, I'm going to point out the flaws. First off, the scene at the end where Lee considers forgetting about Sakura because of what Naruto pointed out about her. I will admit, Naruto made some excellent points, but Lee's too honorable a person to just give up on a person like that. Not to mention he wouldn't think Sakura is a "**". He would never use that kind of language because of how respectful he is to everybody. Also, when Naruto punched Sakura, he would have scolded Naruto for it.
Secondly is Naruto's line about "bringing Sasuke's head back in a special box". True, he does intend to bring Sasuke back, and during his epic battle with Sasuke he promises to break Sasuke's bones if necessary to bring him back, but he does not intend to kill him. The only reason I can see Naruto using this line is if he was so angry at Sakura that he wanted to frighten her into thinking that he would punish her further by taking Sasuke away from her by killing him, thus leaving her with nothing in her life. If that was his intention, you may have wanted to mention that.
Finally, this isn't really a flaw, but something you should have considered adding in. I can't picture Neji acting shocked along with the others (even if it's not directly mentioned). He's far too collected to be shocked by such an event, even if it was Naruto who did such a thing. Also, it would have been interesting if there had been a later scene where they were in the woods and Neji thinks to himself "Maybe this was inevitable." or something. Or perhaps Neji later asks Naruto if the situation couldn't have been handled differently and Naruto gets angry at him, going so far as to quote Neji at the Chunin exam finals, saying that, like the incident with Hinata, it was "none of his business". Upon hearing his own words thrown back at him, Neji sighs and turns away from him. I know it's too late now, but that would have been neat.
On a positive note, I felt this story was excellently written. I'm going to be honest. If Naruto seems OOC, then so be it. People may claim that's wrong, but it's also sort of possible. I mean, Naruto's gone his entire life shunned and ignored by his village except for Iruka, right? And after becoming a ninja, he meets Sasuke and Sakura who aren't much in terms of being friends. Sakura either berates him for his actions or hits him, and Sasuke has become so narcissistic and withdrawn because of what his brother did to his clan that he is afraid to let himself relate to anybody out of fear that it will make him weak. True, Kakashi cares about his team, but he doesn't pay enough attention to their flaws and at times can be a bit foolish himself (teaching the Chidori to a Genin, even if it was a natural like Sasuke?). Ultimately, even though they are a "team", they are still on their own.
Sakura does treat Naruto pretty badly in the first half of the series. Even when she does act kindly toward him, praise him, or cheer him on, it's only temporary. She seems so intent on Sasuke that nothing else matters. I mean when she tried to stop Sasuke, she even said she would go with him, even though that meant she would become a missing nin. What then? She's not a skilled ninja. She would be killed by tracker ninja before she even knew what was happening. If she really loves him to the point where she would commit treason just to be with him, that suggests she might be mentally ill. Who knows?
Back on Naruto, him snapping at her was beautifully portrayed and I loved it. Everything he said had a definite ring of truth to it. I especially liked the scene where he punched her. God help me, but I actually smirked when I read that. After how she and everybody else has treated him for so long, I always wondered what would happen if some small, but powerful part of Naruto's mind just got tired of it and just screamed "ENOUGH!". This is a good example of that.
I've always wondered how Naruto can keep up his cheery, determined demeanor without breaking. True, there are some flashbacks showing him crying, but those are when he's little. It's pretty obvious his behavior is not natural, but a defense mechanism. Oh great, now I'm going off on a rant. Not that I haven't for most of this interview.
So in short, excellent work. You've portrayed an excellent "Possible Scenario" type of story that actually holds a good deal of water. In fact, I'm going to add it to my favorites list. Nice work! Rock on. |
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