Yay, Metroid! Metroid is good...
But before I go off on a rant about just in what ways Metroid is good, I should say that this has a LOT of promise. Lots of it. I doubt that many Super Metroid novilisations have been written; its nonlinear design makes that difficult, but if you do this right, it may work out.

Just a few things. A few too many of the sentences start with 'I', and you may want to consider some more active/interesting modifiers and verbs. You have the groundwork laid in beautifully, but it's impossible to 'see' any of the story, since nothing is described. I'm seeing it in 2D, with little sprites running around on my SNES emulator, not as the real-life gorgeously 3D rendered tale it ought to be. -dreams of Primelike SM remake-

For example, try not using 'jump' so many times; maybe 'leap' or 'flung myself' would work better in cases. 'Walk' is a very dead word, for the part that goes 'I walked through the first door, the door to the metroid's containment and studies lab', it could be rewritten as something along the lines of, 'I cautiously made my way through the first colorless grey door, the portal to the lone Metroid hatchling's containment lab where studies were performed'. Also, 'Metroid' being the name of a creature is usually capitalized. At least, I capitalize it, you don't have to if you don't want to.

I understand the tense problem, I do that a lot myself ^_^

Good luck,

~fusionmix

Aside from the blatant misspellings, additional punctuation, and uncapitalized beginnings, this is a fairly good piece. I have to tell you that it's "definitely", not "definately"!

Please! Edit! And watch your tenses!

But seriously, I think you've created a pretty good look into Samus's head. I like your vocabulary and word choice, and you have a nice pace and variety of sentence structure. I do caution against getting too, ah, video-game like, towards the end. (When she picked up the upgrades being the example).

So, I'll probably read the other chapters later. Happy typing to ya!