i demand more of ur near-perfect work! lol

update soon

love it and keep up ur exelent work

can't wait for the fights!

love the story keep up the good work!

it's an interesting twist i haven't seen before.

Its pretty good so far, but you know you really need to ad more fillers you just seem to skip to the action, it kinda makes it a little dull. Seriously you need to show more interaction between all them and other people. Cmon it ALL of it doesnt have to be action. My only problem no fillers. And give them a bit more personality.

Hoo Boy...

Hm, I like it, but I feel it is really rushed. Personally, I think your original characters were introduced a bit to quickly, but that may just be me. Your grammar and spelling was very good, and I like where the story is going. Good job, and I look forward to reading more!

Well, you have definitely taken the action genre aspect to heart, as that is about all there is. On that note, this is, to me, an undisputable success. However, from a development angle, this is rather... lacking. Of course I get the gist of it, but development of the personalities, insights, perhaps a full battle, and so forth. Details are your friend... On the point of more dialogue - well, that was covered but it not change much subjectively. I suppose I would relate this to a typical history book.

I look forward to another update.

Cool chapter! I loved it! ^^ I hope you can afford to update soon!

yay great chappie! hurry and update some more =o

Certainly an interesting story ^_^

You already mentioned the timejumps in your authers notes so I see no sense in going over that.
I do feel the OC's where introduced a bit to quickly though. Since there was no time to "get to know" the characters I was lost sometimes as to which OC belonged ot which name. It can easely be taken care of in later chapters though. You could for example create situations which would cause them to think back of the day they joined the Makkurayami. It would add some background and a bit of insight in their induvidual characters.

Apart from the point above I really like the story though ^_^

Sincerely,

Lahmikhara [contest judge ^_^]

Gai was true to form. Was worth the chuckle. U write a good story.

great story! i luv it! hurry update =D

Excellent start! I do have a quick question however, why was naruto demoted? or Did I just mis-intrepret the rankings in Jirayia's Hierarchy?

I did enjoy it! ^^ Please do update soon!

Glad to see your writing again, stories like Motion Too Far and especially Walking The Road are my all time favorites. This one seems promissing too, i simply love your writing style.