Well this was an awesome story. I liked the way you had the people interact with eachother, especially with the shift of power going from the main character to Bishop. Near the end when the other characters came in, it got more interesting to watch them socialize (or not) with eachother.

There are some places where you've forgotten a word entirely, making the sentence sound weird. I can't recall the exact spots but if you went through and checked you'd find them.

Spike I want you to know that I still read your story. It was quite thrilling to see my email tell me of your updated chapters :) Please keep writing.

Nice going with the story. However, please use " and " to seperate dialogue from the normal text. It is very difficult to differentiate the 2 things.

Please keep writing.

Now that I'm re-reading this, I may as well give a review on the first 2 chapters. Pretty good, probably check again for the spelling errors. There seems to be a lot of talk about the weapons and scum-sucking orks, which I think slows the pace down a bit. But I'm sure there's plenty of action later. The interaction between the characters is good. Did you say you'd finished this story yet?

Brother Andyn

The content is nice even though the formating hurts my eyes. >.< Maybe you should export this chapter and redo it?

This chapter is pretty good. It's funny (and quite distrubing, too^^) to see a sochiopath run around. My guess is that she's an assassin of sorts (in the old story she spun around the orcs like mad). Eversor? Blood cult? Ex-Khornate? Well, I guess we'll find out soon enough^^.

Please keep writing, your story keeps my damp school exams (I'm having one right now^^) from going under the surface of boredom.

Good writing and a very interesting story.

Nice, really nice. Its pretty interesting to see narc getting a hit in the face. Not a nice way to start a love relationship but hey, there have been worse!^^ Anyway, I think that the woman (which is some kind of assassin because of the skill I read that she has in the older story.

Hm... A loner and a psychotic potential assassin... interesting.

Anyways, please keep up writing this gorgerous story!

Fantastic story, keep up the good work.

Lol... I just found out that I'm the only one who writes reviews... Oh boy... Anyways, its a nice story, and the chapter is wellwritten too. I'd like to grip up one of your lines in the chap about Bishop attracting Khorne:

Maybe he's been a berzerker in the past? And maybe he managed to get his mind back up and backed away from khorne? And (just maybe) he had a mutated arm back then, lost it due to his diety of blood no longer supporting him, and replaced with the bionic arm after joining the guard? Anew, maybe?

I hope these suggestions help you. Maybe narc could find out by whispering "Iron within-" To Bishop while he sleeps. Maybe he'll mumble "Iron wihtout" in sleep?

I don't know if the Iron warriors are Khornates, though.

Alas, please keep writing, it is a very good and nice story.

Another interesting chapter. If I remember correctly there was a female asassin named Jesse, right? Maybe you could let her enter the planet with the task of killing a warboss. And after finishing her task she's supposed to kill herself since evacuation would be too costly.

However Narc manages to convince her of staying alive with the fact of slaying more greenskins for fun. And who knows? Maybe there'll even be a somewhat weird and twisty, but interesting romance between them? It is a suggestion.

Anyway, please keep up writing this good story.

A nice chapter, really.

Nice chap. Its also good to see that bishop is actually a person and not just a killing machine^^

Great, really great.

Good, really good. It's a refreshing to finally see the new chapter. (seen from the point where the old story stopped)