Aw.. CUTE! ^-^

I really REALLY like this story! It's kinda' amazing^_^It'a not the usual Brooklyn story, which is nice, and you do a great job conveying your characters. Keep up the great work. I can't wait to see where you take this story.

I've just finished reading your story and I must say I love it.
I hope you're planning on continuing it because I am really looking foreward to reading more.
If you were to change anything it might be the way you write long dialogues. i think you should put in a bit more space in order to loosen the up a bit. I think they get very heavy and once or twice I had to read back a little in order to figure out who was speaking.

I hope it's useful to you and I hope to see more of this story soon :)

Excellent story! One request, on the larger paragraphs maybe break it up to make it easier to read. Your righting is really good and your character emotions are pretty good too. Course' I have no room to critic but I like your story. Hope to read more soon.

very interesting. do continue!