 jesterdude420 2009-12-07 . chapter 6hey guy awesome fic, im impressed, you basically said it was the average darkish-naruto deal but it definately is not, i commend you for the work you have done so far on this fic and i cant wait untill i get to the next chapter XD
one more thing...im thrilled to know that this fic has 400,0 words! i hate short fics cuzz there never is any time to really get into em' but i seriously doubt that i will have that problem with this one XD |
 Jaysues 2009-12-06 . chapter 24I've read this story once before, and I'm just going over it again but I've gotta bring up a couple of points;
1) I didn't like his sister at all. Being honest, I almost dropped the story when I found out she had half of the Ninetails in her, and that Naruto lost control over the Ninetails and lost its chakra's healing abilities. It really pissed me off for a couple reasons:
i) I don't care if Naruto is god mode, let him be. If the story is interesting enough, noones going to really care except for picky bitches.
ii) Kyuubi is Naruto. It's his defining characteristic. Without Kyuubi, Naruto is just some stupidly strong ninja. Kyuubi gives him an edge. Without Kyuubi, I'm afraid to state hes just some regular ninja. I don't think he'd be particuarly skilled. Perhaps Kage level, tops, but there is no way in hell he'd be better then that. Kyuubi does the following: Infinite Chakra, Inability to be severely wounded, unable to suffer from chakra exhaustion for prolonged periods ability to use Shadow clones in mass numbers. And I'm sure I've missed some stuff. Now, if Kyuubi's chakra now is too potent for Naruto to use, and is only for emergency uses, it kills the point of it for me. I don't give a shit if Naruto can waltz into heaven and bitch slap God. It don't mean crap as long as your story is good enough.
2) Spelling issues. I understand English isn't your first language, but thats what Beta's are for. You have 8 thousand people reviewing your story, the very least you can do for them is touch up on spelling issues. It breaks up a story as bad as a author note in the middle of a fight, and its easily fixed.
3) Catering to whingy bitches. Let Naruto be god mode, its fine. Your story do what you want with it. You don't need to make his sister a total Mary Sue in order for him to not be god. You have an amazing plot, Naruto slowly conquering the world, on the order of his Leader. Thats awesome by itself, and being frank Naruto is a commander. He's not going to be on the front line very often, and when he does we WANT to see him absolutely rip shit up. We want to see hundreds get massacred, and Kages reduced to nothing. Thats just freaking awesome to read. You could totally delete Akatsuki and his sister, and this story would not lose a single bit of its appeal.
Other then those issues, most major of which is another Ninetail container, who actually has better control of it then Naruto, the story is amazing. It's totally left field, I've never read anything quite like it. Screw giving Naruto humanity, we have enough of that crap floating around already. I'd much rather read a new and undone plot then that sort of crap anyway. Temari is my favourite pairing with Naruto, and while we've seen almost nothing of it yet, we are getting some build up, which is excellent. The only thing worse then a rushed pairing, is when it ends up screwing up the story line. Overall, one of the most unique and interesting storys on this site. It's never been done before, in my knowledge, and you pull it off fairly well. My major issues are a matter of self opinion, except for the spelling. You have a good story flow, and it works well. Hope you update it soon! Ja Ne! |