 Phalanxx 2009-11-04 . chapter 1Only now I found this story and I simply love it.
hope you update one day. |
 Cody MacArthur Fett 2007-09-25 . chapter 4 I LOVE MANDOLORIANS, espectialy the Fetts! They're my favorite Star Wars faction, and the main reason why I like the Clone Wars era so much. I am wondering how Kim, Ron, and the Tweebs got flung into the KOTOR galaxy, though I have a feeling it involves ether a supervillian, a wormhole, the Pan-Dimentional Vortex Inducer, or an accident at the space center.
Also I find it ironic that in fanfiction that when Ron usally becomes a 'warrior' it's in a socity that prizes peace, but when thrown in with the Mandolorians he gets tossed around like a hacky-sack. I've also noted some strong similarities between this story and another one I read called SPARTAN-487 (I just have to plug this story it's to good to pass up) in regards to characters (Read the story and you'll know what I mean).
I just like to finish up by saying that it's about time someone made a Kim Possible/KOTOR crossover, and to update soon.
Sic Semper Tyrannus
Carry on.
P.S. Try listing this under Kim Possible insted of X-Overs to get more readers. |
 CMY 2007-07-23 . chapter 4Poor Ron. Head-to-head just isn't his speciality. He's the distraction, remember? Never mind. Kim took care of that arrogant jerk...
Speaking of jerks, there's something strange about Mandalore. Why would he just allow Jarren to look around his camp? Why not give him an escort to keep an eye on this young Jedi student?
And why did the Council send Jarren to the camp in the first place? If it really was just a setting for his final Trial, I'll put on a white, triangular hat.
Something just dosen't feel right here. Jarren had better watch himself. He's probably not the only one who is...
And it seems that he will meet the duo that is Team Possible very soon. Wonder what questions the Ron-ster will have for him...
Can't wait to see what happens next, Comrade! Keep this one going, and may your saber not sever your own leg!
CMY, the long-winded guy. |
 dragonfang33 2007-07-13 . chapter 4Excellent chapter as always, look forward to reading more |
 CMY 2007-06-14 . chapter 3Jarren's a decent fighter, but I wouldn't give him a negotiative assignment. The guy is really uncertain of practically everything he's never encountered before. A Jedi should always be ready for the unknown, and to expect the unexpected.
I wonder what Jarren would do if he realizes just who his ancestor is and what he did to his own kin. History may repeat itself here. And about the pilot who shot Uliq, I think an interesting sub-plot could be taken from this. Just thinking aloud, Comrade. He heh...
And meanwhile, back in Dantooine, political wongering is clouding the sight of the counsel. Talks like that never end well, and often result in more corpses...
I'm really getting interested in this fanfic. I wonder how you'll take it, Comrade. I'll be watching for your next chapter...
P.S. C'mon, man! Where's our favourite blond boy and his naked pet? Bring out the Ron-ster!! Sorry, guess I'm a real Ronatic...
P.P.S. Seen Slyrr's new story lately? |
 dragonfang33 2007-06-13 . chapter 3Good chapter, can we be expecting Reven and Malak to appear |
 CMY 2007-04-02 . chapter 2Oh, this is gonna be good...Jarren is about to embark on a journey to complete his trial. His master seeing visions proclaiming that there's trouble ahead for Jarren and Kim, Ron telling his best friend that his brother deserted...there's a lot of potential for this story here.
I have one inquiry, though. What's with the surname? Is Mandalore so egocentric that he insists that everyone adopts his name? Is it a tradition? Y'know what, I'll find out as this fanfic progresses. No need to tell me. Best to keep the readers curious...
Waiting for your next chapter, Comrade. 10-Q for this one. DAMN, it's gonna be good... |
 CMY 2007-03-27 . chapter 1Wow. This story is overflowing with potential. Jarren has NO IDEA on what he has stumbled across.
Your description of the background and surroundings is rich and easily immagined in the mind. Not too little or too much detail. Very nice. However, I must point out that your action/fight scenes are too brief. Add some atmosphere and emotion into the battles. Make them feel like they ARE the fighters, rather than spectators in a movie theater. Here's a friendly example:
"The guard pulled out his blaster,but before he could fire, the stranger rushed him and separated his head from his shoulders. With a thud, it hit the ground, followed by the guard's body."
This line is not a good one. It lacks the tension, the heat of battle. Instead, I'll recommend this one:
"Fear pounded like a bass drum in his temple as the guard fumbled for his blaster, his hands shaking as he whipped it out of the holster. He quickly raised it to his eyes and took aim at the hooded terror, but before his trembling finger could apply pressure to the trigger, the shadow became a blur for an instant before reppearing directly in front of him, it's dark eyes glinting in the rain. He never had time to blink before a blinding beam of crimson swept up in a violent arc and vaporized his short, scrawny neck. His head rolled off his charred shoulders and hit the cold floor with a sickening thud, the now-sightless eyes staring up at the creature that had taken his life."
Put in scenes like this, and you'll be swamped with reviews begging you to continue this fanfic. Guranteed 100% positive reviews. I promise.
The plot of this story is just like the prequel movies. The Jedi (respectively,Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan,Obi-Wan and Anakin and finally the entire Jedi Council) always assumed that their mission would be quick and easy. Eventually, they'll realize that it is just a pawn in a much bigger game.
I hope that you'll be able to live up to the hype and the anticipation that is just oozing from this fanfic. As long as you tread carefully with the story,as well as keep the characters in their element, this one is sure to be a hit.
Keep up the good work, dude. If writing fanfics is your job and I'm your boss, you would receive a two hundred dollar bonus just for this one chapter. Or maybe two hundred and sixty-two cents for tips.
May the Force be with you as you write this story. |
 dragonfang33 2007-03-13 . chapter 1KOTOR Era, excellent idea. Overall good fic keep up the good work |
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