   Dim Aldebaran
2007-03-18 . chapter 1Some concrit:
It's harder to critique drabbles, but I think the main problem with this is the middle bits - especially the "only to be felled by her music as she took him again and again." It's rather ambiguous, and because of its ambiguity... it can be taken a few ways that I'm sure you don't intend. :P So, if you could muss with your diction in those middle lines (diction is all important in a drabble!) than it would be much improved.
And... this is ArtemisMinerva, yes? That's what it seems like to me, but pronouns can be deceptive sometimes. :)
Other than that, I love the change in your writing. :) The diction, for the most part, is quite fine, and the mechanics were clean. The motif was well thought out, and it works well with the theme. Kudos for hitting the 100 mark as well. So, I'm going to nominate this for the 2007 Orion Awards, for Best Drabble.
The Orion Awards are a series of annual awards for outstanding AF fanfiction. As an individual, you can nominate your fav fics for 2007, and vote in the 2006 People's Choice Awards, which include many categories, and are currently open for winner's selection until March 20th. Later, you can also see how this drabble fares in the shortlisting - and possibly winner - selection processes. However, OA also runs a series of forums, where fandomers can discuss everything from writing techniques to their favorite characters. It's really a lovely forum; very friendly and such. We also publish a bimonthly fanzine, with excellent articles on writing and fandom news, as well as a classified section (where you can match up with a beta reader, for example) and even comics. And of course, the nominated fics represent the best in the fandom; reading them will surely help you grow as a writer, asides from providing some good entertainment.
I hope you continue writing, and I hope to see you there! |
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