Sweet Seiryuu, that's IT!?! I was so hoping that this would follow more, as I was interested in your interpretations of later scenes (such as meeting Amiboshi again and going to Yui's world, and dying, those would have been very interesting following what you already had going). However, starkness on it's own can make for a good endin; it really adds to depth of how much he hates himself, like there is nothing for him after this.

(And so, I press on ever slowly with reading and reviewing... one to go!)

Well, what a sad note to end this chapter on, Suboshi totally wrapping himself up in self-loathing. It's certainly not an image we got in the original series, but with the thought process you gave him, it's appropriate. Sweet Seiryuu, with his thoughts going from the top of the world to the scum of the earth's core so much, he's such a teenager!! Also so teenager-like was how you brought attention to his 'state-the-obvious' awkward moments that would bug him later. So true to life. XD

Suboshi, you make such an adorable retard. XD I also liked the little jabs made at other characters here and there; the Tamahome comments were especially well-timed.

"It’s sweet of her to be a shield for us, when she is too wounded and beaten to protect herself."

I think I'm almost liking your characterization of Soi better than Suboshi! Of course, it doesn't help that Suboshi is unavoidably depressed in this chapter, as it's really hard to get into the head of a killer. There are two things I liked a lot about this in regard to killing Tamahome's family: first, that you called attention to how lame it actually was for him to only win against a group of weak people. Second, that despite how it bothers him, he doesn't show any remorse about the action. That, I think, is what makes Suboshi so difficult to write!

I'm only reading the first chapter tonight, but wow. I'm quite impressed! Not only have you shed light on how Suboshi's mind works, but also done it while shedding light on other characters, too, particularly Yui. I liked your wording, but this line especially stuck out: "I did not think about her while I pulled apart plants in the garden in order to see how they work inside."
I thought I had read it wrong at first just because it didn't fit into the usual inner-thoughts-between-what-we-obviously-saw-happen stories that develop characters well. This day he had to himself was very interesting, and I'm glad that you could introduce things that hadn't been thought of before to his characterization.

I don't usually review (I know, it's a bad habit) but I had to review this story. I'm speechless and I'm afraid that I can't give any more concrit than...

Suboshi in this story is so *human*. So real. Most stories just focus on his two extreme sides, either the "crazy-pscho-killer" side or his "extremely-devoted" side. I really like how you balanced it, you made Suboshi less of a paint-by-numbers character (which he really isn't, but most people consider him as one) and made him seem more complex, more real.

I love it, I absolutely adore this story. Great job :D

I have nothing to say that hasn't been said already. I want to be like you, I wanna write like that, no da. Flames... will be used to light sparklers... at a parade for this story. I shall nominate you for all the awards in the f* world, no da. Keep on, I'm hooked. I think this is the best goddam book written. You should publish it as fan-fiction, you can do that, no da!

Wow! That’s all I can say right now. Wow! This is amazing. I have so many things to say about this story. Good things, for that matter.

Firstly, I would like to compliment you on your conventions of writing. Your grammar and your spelling were fantastic. I couldn’t find anything wrong with it… not that I was trying to scrutinize your story, but most fanfiction authors these days don’t realize how many mistakes they make, and therefore ruin the whole outcome of their story.

Another thing that I liked about this was your writing style. I loved the way you showed Suboshi’s mood swings. Not only that, but it was all completely understandable! I understood how he felt and why he felt that way. Not many authors can do that; most probably can’t jump from one feeling to the next without making their story look amateur.

In chapter one, I liked the way you showed Suboshi's relationship with Soi. Most other Suboshi fics are all about how he feels bad, and how he wants to kill himself or how he's head over heels with his priestess. However, you expanded more to that. You showed how he felt towards every other of his fellow seishi... heck, even Miboshi! I thought the part where he bought that necklace for Soi was sweet.

Another thing that I loved about chapter one was how you explained the way he felt during his first meeting with Yui. I really think that he felt angry about her looking down on him, and you just captured that emotion so well!

Which brings me to another point…that part when he kissed Yui was so amazingly written. I think you proved exactly why he didn’t let go of her when she so badly wanted him to, and what he wanted to happen (he wanted her to fall down crying and then he’ll hold her). I’m thinking that this is my most favorite part of the story. Especially when Tomo showed up and you talked about the way Yui looked at him and how Suboshi wanted her to look at him that way instead. I loved that whole part!

The end of chapter five was probably one of the most powerful chapter endings I have ever read. EVER! Even in books. I think that when you just kept that part short really impact readers in a way and get them to think about it. You didn’t expand on his feelings, like your other scenes which can really force the readers to reach their own conclusion about that part. I thought that maybe this was the point of no return for Suboshi, actually. When you said that he was the reason for all the ugliness, I think he just became hopeless from that point. I don’t know.

I think you should make a continuation of this… if this isn’t the ending. I think this will really be a very powerful story if it goes all the way to when he died. Okay… you’re probably bored of me now. It seems as if I’m writing an essay. Sorry.

I really think that this story deserves so much more reveiws. I don’t think three is enough. But reading the other reviews, I think this is a must-read fic for all Suboshi fans and even ones that don’t like him at all because it justifies his actions so well.

I...
I...
*is speechless*
Oh.
My.
God.
This was...I don't know. Way beyond words. In a good way, of course. I don't know where to begin, I don't know where to end...I don't know. Wow. You should...You should do more chapters. Like, up untill he died. I don't know. God...

I...hope you get the point I'm trying the best I can to make...Though seeing as how nothing I've said makes sense, I doubt that you will...I really loved it...I just...I don't know. I laughed, I felt like crying, I was angry...I felt like I was joined with him...Like I WAS him...I understood it perfectly...I don't know...I feel crazy...I understand what he felt when he was happy for no reason and was pretty much one with the world...And when he was jealous and normal and embarrassed and everything...I don't know. You're probably getting sick of hearing that. I just...Wow. *Exhales*

Really, wow. I couldn't stop reading it...Otherwise I'd have reviewed for other chapters...Forgive me...I even snuck onto the computer to read the last three chapters...I just...Man, I don't know. Everything's so hectic in my mind...It's like...I feel like him, and it's weird. I feel like I know everything all at once yet my mind is empty...I don't know...I'll stop rambling now...Just wow...

There's nothing I like better than a thoughtful, well written characterization based fic. This one is very impressive in all aspects, most especially in the balance you achieved in presenting a very polarizing persona. You definitely don't sugar coat the monstrous stuff that he did, but yet you've effectively shown that Suboshi was anything *but* a monster. As your summary suggests, right from the start he suffered from a lack of control, emotional instability and self-hatred, all compounded by Nakago's manipulation.

Your writing style is polished,lyrical and pleasurable to read. I like how you 'disappear' into the character--throughout each chapter, I felt as if was actually Suboshi relating his story to me. Technically, your grammar, spelling and punctuation is virtually flawless. (What a treat that is to find on this site! ^_~)

I also enjoyed the some of side details of Suboshi's empathetic relationship with Soi, something that really hasn't been touched on in any of the Seiryu fics that I've read.

I also found the insights Suboshi gave on Nakago to be fascinating.

Example:

'I thought it was to be the Priestess who inspired in her warriors total devotion, but here it is a warrior who inspires completely obedience in, not only the other seishi, but the Priestess, as well, ruling with fear and manipulating the emotions of those who adore him.'

That's wonderfully insightful writing. Bravo!^__^

Really don't have any concrit-even Suboshi's occasional use of modern slang seemed in character to me.

I don't understand why this fic isn't getting more reviews. For what it's worth, this reviewer thinks it's outstanding and will be reccing it on her livejournal and in the FY forum she co-moderates. ^__^ Please don't get discouraged!

Every good wish,
KittyLynne