Very good plot and twists throughout the whole story, but unfortanatly it was very short. I would be an amazing story if you would rewrite it and make it alot longer it would definately go on many people's fav lists.

Its a good story. You need to be more detailed though, that would make it even better. There were no spelling errors (none that I caught anyway), but you didn't use the quotaion marks very well, like some places needed them and there was none, or there were some and they were not needed. It was an interesting story though. I greatly enjoyed it.

Good Job! I have another helpful tip though!

When you write a dialogue where the he said, or she said part in the middle, for example:

“ I’ll talk to him, and let you know, Yami said. Seto, thanks for doing this. I understand how painful this was for you to remember your past.”

You need to put end and start quotes in the middle as well. Like this:

“ I’ll talk to him, and let you know," Yami said. "Seto, thanks for doing this. I understand how painful this was for you to remember your past.”

ALSO! When Someone speaks and there is no question mark or explaination point at the end you need to put a comma.

“He just can’t talk to anyone yet, till he is stronger,” Yugi said.

Like that! Good job!

This is pretty good. But I noticed a mistake. You don't put something into quotes unless the person is actually saying the words. You put:

Joey closed his eyes, and a tear fell as he told “them about how his father would beat and rape him almost everyday, and how he snapped and he thinks he killed his father.”

You wouldn't want to do that because Joey probably didn't say: them about how his father...(etc.)

You should just put: he told them about how his father would...That explains what Joey says but doesn't show how he said it.

Also you put:

he called “Yami and told him to meet him at his Office, that he had the information for him.”

You shouldn't do that either. Seto didn't say, "Yami and told him to meet him at the office, that he had the information for him." Take the quotes away and it's perfect. Unless you want to have Seto speaking such as:

Seto called Yami. "Yami, come to the office. I have the information you need."

Besides that it's pretty good. It has a nice storyline!

Sweet ending. I knew it would be selfdefense.

Good chapter.

Good chapter. I'm glad they found things to help Joey.

Good chapter. Poor Joey. I hope he can make it through this.

Good chapter. I hope Joey can get away for a while.

Good chapter. I'm glad Seto is ready to help.

Poor Joey, but it was self defense, so hopefully he will be okay. At least with Seto's help he will be.