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| Nalana 2008-01-21 ch 2,  | abuseYay! Another Trance/Dylan writer! We! We're so few. *sniffsniff* Then again, I can't speak, haven't written anything for them in years... moving on. You've got a nice start here, but I'm going to offer a little bit of constructive crit. (I am not saying you're a bad writer, so please don't think this is an attack. I'm simply trying to help you flesh out your story a little bit so that you can improve. We all need improvement. Goodness knows I do!) The story was is a little fractured.By that I mean it jumped around a little too easily. Try to make your transitions a little clearer. When you change where people are, make it obvious. Use a little more description about the surroundings and emotions, shoot for little longer paragraphs. A teacher once told me don't tell what's going on, show it. You're off to a good start. I'd love to see it grow into a brilliant one! |
| Clare 2007-03-21 ch 1, anon. | abusePlease, please continue! I have been dying for a Trance/Dylan fic! |