A moving and worthy ending.
Good luck for your future writing.

Wow, Bow finally learns humility, and Entrapta is saved.
Note on fight scenes: Generally, what draws the reader in is the characters' tension, fear and courage, so it is good to mix the actual description with emotions.

I actually liked Adora revealing her secret of her own account. It is different from all the other stories where people figure it out through an accident.

Shadow, sorry, Void, Weaver revealing her face! That was a moment I always looked forward to see in the cartoon. Thank you for fulfilling that dream through fanfiction.

I also applaud what you did with Madame Razz. She was a character that always deserved more, and certainly she was hidding some amazing powers beneath her careless façade.

This story is progressing so well! I don’t have much time to read but I’m doing my best to keep the pace. I saw you finished it, so time for evil cliffhangers is over, yay!

By the way, I took a look at your deviantart account… it is breathtaking!

That was pure AWESOME-SAUCE! *squeel*

Sorry, been watching too much of Bat-Mite. XD

No but seriously that was a great battle with the First Ones, and a brilliant use of Chekhov's Gun; or should I say Ship. ;-) The fight was fantastic, especially how you made sure neither Hordak or She-Ra were left on the sidelines. They worked together very well, showing off that special connection their shared history gives them. That Hordak got to be the one to deliver the "You Suck" speech to the First Ones was priceless.

The epilogue brought a tear to my eye. Hordak has been forgiven by Adora and is now off to set right what he once helped go wrong. Very heartwarming. You've pulled off an excellent version of the villainous redemption story. Of course I still think Hordak shows up anywhere near Eternia before Randor dies and there's gonna be hell to pay regardless.

Bow's character development came along rather suddenly, and I wish you'd had more time to explore it, but it did come across very well. The hot-headed archer realizing that being a hero is being where one is needed over being where the action is was very well done, as was his revelation about his own abilities. Bow is by no means a loser, but compared to She-Ra and Hordak, he wouldn't hold his own against the First Ones.

I can't imagine how hard it was for you to decide to kill off your own creations rather than give them Big Bad status. I'm not sure if I'd have been willing to sacrifice a villain like Magi-Tek, even for a cosmic horror like Dark Hope. Of course the neatest part of this whole scheme was how, from my perspective at least, the heroes owe their survival to each of the Unholy Kings in turn. (Granted Arach-Arach's contribution came in a somewhat backhanded way but still.)

The story seemed very well plotted out, with none of the open contradicitions you sometimes expect from fanfiction.

Now comes the bad part. I try not to give criticism of writing until the end of a story, just in case the author is trying something new with it. Still I couldn't help noticing you had a tendency in this story to monologue about the characters' thoughts and then have them expound on them. This was especially glaring during fight scenes when the action seemed to get put on hold so that you could talk about the characters, such as when Hordak fought Arach-Arach, She-Ra fought Dragora, and particularly when Magi-Tek fought Razella Redmoon. It could get just a bit distracting, particularly when the action really got going.

I fall into that trap too at times, so I can see how easy it is, especially when you're trying to set a mood for new characters, and you had five to work with (six if you count Horde Prime, who gets such little cannon character development he almost qualifies as an OC when he appears in fanfiction). The fact that, after the audience got to learn all this information about what was going through the character's mind and why they were acting on it, the character then started acting and speaking in such a was as to re-iterate it, giving the segment a feeling of redundancy. In all honesty, cutting the redundant parts would probably cut this story by an eighth of its length (not terrible, but noticeable). I think the mood and points you were trying to make would have been better made had you used the characters' interactions rather than provide a monologue to the audience. While the case can be made that not everyone reading this is as familiar with the franchise characters as a hardcore fan, just dropping all this information about a character interrupts the flow of the story. Better to let the audience infer what's going through a character's mind than force it on them. And if you still feel the need to hammer the point home, there's always the heroic/villainous speech.

In short though, this story was quite exciting and I'm very happy to have read it. That there won't be a sequel is saddening, but I can understand the desire to move onto other works. At the very least you finished this story, which is more than most authors on this site can say (myself included). I can just see Frosta tagging along to Eternia with Adora just to get another shot at hitting on He-Man. XD Still, I look forward to your Beast Wars work. Ciao for now.

PS. What, no "Find Loo-Kee" morals corner to end the show with? 83

This is very good plot idea, making the rebels question She-ra.

And after reading this chapter I couldn¡t help but picture Hordak with a big 'IDIOT' stamp on his face. He had the chance to know his enemie's biggest secret and he destroyed it wiyhout even knowing because he could restrain himself. Sucker!

You say next and last chapter. Does that mean there's two more chapters or just one?

No I'm kidding. This is epic. I can't wait to see what you have planned for the finale. It should be equally grand. See ya next update.

It’s never easy to add original characters and situations to an already established story like She-ra was. But you are doing it marvelously, succeeding not only in coherence but in actually surpassing what the cartoon showed.

You are filling those gaps, opening those doors, with a honesty that I would have loved to see in the cartoon, not falling into the typical cliches and not allowing the easy going good-evil conflict almost any kid story shows to mess with your story. What we have here is an intelligent story, so entertaining that causes a delicious addiction in the reader. Your take on Hordak and Horde Prime’s past was one of the best moments of this fic so far, and I have the feeling that the rest of the chapters won’t be scarce of such brilliant moments.

I almost hate that I have a date in some minutes, because that will make me stop reading. Very very few fanfiction stories had caused me this unique sensation, for which I thank you. For sure I’ll keep reading tonight and the following days.

Thank you for one of the best stories I have read on this site. I’m not only remembering all the adoration I had toward this cartoon when I was a kid, but completely rediscovering the series from a more adult sight.

Ah what a cliffhanger!! Poor Hordak… I sense uncoming pain.

This is proving to be a very interesting journey through Hordak’s mind, an experience that is forcing him to face what he was and what he is now. Wisdom is coming, can be seen on the horizon. Hordak using magic again was so meaningful, not a step back but one of his veils uncovered.

I also love what you are doing with Adora, and the doubts increasing around her.

You are doing such a great job with the original characters. As I read I picture a real episode in my mind, but so much better. Sorry for the short reviews, your story deserves more but I’m so hooked that I can’t stop reading :oP

OK… Hordak working only with his fur shorts, or, as they have been wisely called here, speedos… That causes heat and sweat not related to the mines to a fangirl that always had a crush for that evil blue stud…

Can’t keep reviewing this chapter… need a cold shower… must keep reading… oh thankfully is Sunday!

Oh dear… it was really a painful moment to read Hordak’s humiliation. Shadow Weaver is really pushing it. She was always one my favorite characters, but I wouldn’t mind seeing her falling through that trap door, if that would be possible, that is.

I’ll keep reading now. I love your story!

It was heart-wretching to picture Hordak in such a moment of defeat, his rank so brutally stripped of him.

I’m totally hooked with this fic. You are doing a great job in storytelling and your writing is also very good. I like the way you are developing both Hordak and Adora’s personalities, linking what we could see in the cartoon to a very believable past. She-ra was one of those cartoons that set firm roots but didn´t explore them as they deserved to be, but fortunately fanfiction exists to fill such gaps and stories like yours proudly do the honours.

The metaphore with the rock was what I liked the most, even more than the touching father-daughter encounter. What a symbol to punctuate Hordak’s humiliation.

I still have a lot of reading to do in order to catch with your current chapter, but I’m loving this so far.

This story is going so well! I’m really enjoying it. You are keeping all the characters OC and yet going deeper in their personalities, showing realistic reactions such as Bow’s.

I loved Hordak saving his girl. Indeed he was a paternal figure to Adora, and it takes more than a betrayal for both of them to forget it. Now with her secret still safe, and the longing father standing before her… can’t wait to read next chapter!

I felt bad for Catra, though, but she asked for it.

Magi-Tek's dead huh? You'll forgive me if I remain suspicious unit I see a "The End" sign hanging on this story. Even with Dark Hope basically saying "Screw the Rules, I make 'em" I find it hard to believe someone like Magi-Tek can be so easily defeated and destroyed. In short, if he showed up again, I wouldn't be surprised, though I would still be delighted. He's a very well done villain. (Not the best I've ever seen, but very much up there. And yes, that's counting ALL fictional villains I know, including professionals.) But then pretty much all your OCs have come off very well, except maybe Arach-Arach. Magi-Tek and Dragora both got fleshed out very well while Lily, in what looks to be the most creative idea for character development I've seen in a long time, stayed almost completely one dimensional. Given the role she has, and the established character traits of her "creator" Magi-Tek, you did an excellent job with her.

Speaking of Magi-Tek, I liked the symbolism you used for his skull. There was also something funny in the fact that the universe's most powerful magical scientist can't get his face bones to do anything more than sit there while Skeletor, a somewhat less powerful figure, gets the full range of emotions out of his.

Razzella's battle with She-Ra and Hordak was intense and interesting, especially when Razzella began changing her tactics and trying to "free" Hordak. I must admit I wondered if the persona of kind, friendly, and even at times motherly Madame Razz was nothing more than a show from Razzella. Of course now that she's out of the equation, Hordak and She-Ra have Dark Hope to contend with...

And talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire. Very nice touch revealing the true nature of the Crystal Castle. This does help to explain how Sky Dancer Moutain got to be so tall. This reminds me of the revelation for the Granasaber from Grandia 2 (though in that instance the sword turned out to be a ship). I do have to wonder just who the big DH thinks he'll be swordfighting with at that size?

By the way, even knowing Hordak was the most likely candidate to get the Sword of Dragoroth, it was still a pleasure to see him gain the power. Are you going to draw a picture of him in this new form?

I must admit I was a bit worried in the beginning of this chapter when Magi-Tek semi-revealed his reasons for releasing Imp (I'm still a little worried as those spells could still come into play).

In any event this is still and exciting story and I can't wait to see what happens next as She-Ra and Hordak fight to save existance. Lets see He-Man and Skeletor top that. See ya next update.

I had this story on alert for months because the summary caught me, but due to the lack of time I didn’t manage to start reading it until today. I’m glad I did!

I’m a huge fan of She-ra myself, one of the cartoons that accompanied me during my childhood. And I am a huge fan of Hordak as well, so I was very glad to find this fic.

I still have a lot to read to give you a more decent review, but I just wanted to tell you that I am highly enjoying what I’ve read so far. You are doing a very good job exploiting the big question: Why hasn’t the Rebellion won if they have beaten Hordak so many times? And indeed, She-ra had plenty of opportunities to capture him, kill him even. Simple fact that allowed the cartoon to go on, but considering it realistically it opens doors to many question. I’m very glad you decided to take the challenge and gave us She-ra fans this treat :o)

And I completely agree: Hordak deserves some love!