I like the prolouge!
A good amount of tension and it makes me want to read more!
~~M~a~t~h~~C~h~i~c~k~~

I think that that was absolutely beautiful! You say that you've never written about grief before in your A/N, but I honestly couldn't tell. I was so sad by the end of the chapter. I really like how you eluded even possibly some of the most insignificant things back to Ginny, about her scent, or her smile--it just really added to the reminiscent sadness. Um... I wish I could give you constructive criticism, maybe a little show not tell? But there's really barely any of that too! Love it!

Good god, this one I can't really say much about. You managed it very, very well, though Harry might be accused of being a little overdramatic about his feelings. Considering that we all do grieve differently, it's hardly fair to call that a flaw.

What did stand out as a bit off was that the chapter, while very touching, does feel as if it rambles. I think that comes from the transition from the ward to the Burrow. Something there threw me off, as if there's a missing scene break. That feeling could be argued to be a good thing as well, as it does lend a further sense of hopelessness to it all.

It seems that I'm getting that vibe from the way Harry spaces out at that point and only pays attention further down. Good or bad, I can't say.

This chapter really was a surprise.

I hate to spout mindless praise, but I must say that the investigative scene is very well done. It's seldom that I see Auror's portrayed as honest professionals. Draco does strike me as being remarkably calm throughout, mind. I think that you may have lost some of the emotion in the scene in the midst of the dialogue.

The interjections were a nice touch, I'll have to experiment with that in the future.

The Weasely scene has a nice, depressed tone to it. It honestly felt mopey, just as it should. The description of Molly's behavior and grief is realistic, and really does strike a cord. You've captured her reaction very well. That said, your writing did start to look a bit more awkward than usual toward the end. Specifically when you went into the "pain" bit.



I did notice a couple spelling/word errors in that section.

"Her eyes were rimmed red and there were circles around it, too"

Around them?

"Oh, and she sends her regard."

Regards, I think.


That last just for the sake of completion, I tend to miss my own spelling mistakes until I've read them six times. Cheers for the story, I'm enjoying it.

Ooh... Narcissa really DID kill herself!? I was convinced it was murder. Maybe it still is and we are being led astray? Maybe I am reaching? LOL.

Update soon...!

~Red

You did a great job of writing grief! Ron talking to Hermione choked me up, and the very end bit of this chapter where Harry is crying into Hermione's shoulder unexpectedly made me tear up, for real. So good one! Next chapter...

~Red

P.S. I'll be getting to your e-mail soon... I saw it in my inbox the other day, but a number of things - including hotmail being dumb - have been preventing me from getting to it, lol.

Not done reading this yet but I must say that I LOVE IT! Nearly Canon and everyone's so in character! You're an amazing writer awesome job!

Wonderful story, I love the emotions here, so vivid and beautiful, even the grief is so well played out.

Very goiod chapter. Draco's reation is in character - he's stil a bigot, dont see that changing soon, and still clings to his family.

The real reason for Narcissa snapping - thanks for bringing that in, though I dont see how Draco will ever find the true reason. Unless there's a spell to see if an owl made a delivery or something.

update soon please! this was good :)

I was trying to figure out who was dead, yes, lol. You mentioned Bill and Fleur, and Fred and George being present however, and then you mentioned that Percy wasn't there in such a way that makes me think he's still alive just still nto part of the family. SO. I was thinking it was Ron and Ginny, and then "the youngest of the remaining Weasleys entered". SO it's got to be Charlie and Ron. How could you kill Ron! He has to marry Hermione! Lol. I'm outta time, but next chance I get, I'll be back...

~Red

For some reason I thought I'd read all of this, but then I double checked the reviews for this and saw I'd only got to chapter 4... Anyways!

"The date is Thursday, the 16th of September, 1998. Questioners are Aurors Brian Cranning and Jeffrey Briggs of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Witness is one Draco Abraxas Malfoy, son of the deceased, whose maiden name is Narcissa Muera Black. In accordance with standard Department of Magical Law Enforcement procedure, as stipulated by the Bagnold Directive, witness has acquiesced to questioning of his own volition. Hitherto, all stipulations of the Directive have been observed."

That was SO cool and officail sounding, I just had to paste it in here. I love the names Cranning and Briggs - they sound incredibly important and official too, lol. Bagnold Directive sounds awesome too.

Reading on (quickly, I don't have much time...)

~Red

This review is for ch7 only. I am posting here for I couldn't review that one again.

I think I wasn't very clear in my first review. Sorry for that I had just skimmed through it out of curiosity and worte my first impression of the chapter. As a reader, not as an analyst.

I still stand my point. I found it a fine chapter because it portrayed the feelings without being much tedious. And you had done well overall.

As I said before... I am not very fond of angst fictions. I don't care if anybody thinks it's lack of empathy or something. It is a matter of personal choice.

I read "The Casurina Tree" by William Somerset Maugham. This "collection had enough angst to last me a life time. It sent me into depression for months and made me averse to pick another book for a long time.

I have read "Of Human Bondage" too. Very well written famous book. I didn't like it's ending and over all it was OK. Again a personal choice. ...Hell I didn't like the end of "Three Musketeers", the book. I found the writer was being a chauvenist pig there. No wonder they changed the end when they made the movie. But all this is beside the point.

I love books and read them but now I have become too picky when it comes to angst. I read on this site for fun and light material. That's why I am mostly at anime section.For serious reading I go for books.

Honestly I didn't said it was exceptional because it was a typical grief scene in western movies, I see sometimes. Sorry don't want to sound harsh. Describing a scene in ones own word is still quite difficult and I know that first hand.

I didn't offer much advice because I don't know how to do it myself. I never tried to write angst myself and I know I won't prolong it much, if I ever did.

I have lost family members... Everybody has a different reaction to loss. It also depends on culture, and religious beliefs sometimes.

What I want to say that there will always be something in whatwever you write which others may or maynot like.

I completely agree with Maiafay, this chapter was pretty good. I think that the way Harry remembered Ginny's smell and her smile were very good descriptions and shows his greif, but not the subtle emotions and feelings. Still I like the story, and I hope to read more of it. Update soon!

~Sharika

Hey there,

I popped by finally. Sorry it took me so long, but I've been busy with pretty much the world right now, lol.

Anyway, I took a look at chapter 7 and think overall you did a good job. You laid it on a bit heavy at times, going more for imagery than other more subtle qualities of grief, but for someone (as yourself) who has not experienced the emotion in all its potent, numbing glory--you did okay. But if you tweak/revise, here is what I suggest you try to implement.

I don't know if you've seen tribal or foreign people deal with grief, but there is a reason why they tear their hair out, wail and cut at themselves. It's not because they are being over dramatic, it's because something precious is gone they can never get it back. They've been wounded on the inside so deeply (depending on the relationship and how much they loved the deceased) that nothing can make the pain go away. You can't just put a bandaid on grief; its something that has to lessen with time--and even then, it never fades completely.

I got a little irritated at the poster below me...simply because I see they lack the empathy of that particular emotion. But, for them and whoever doesn't know grief--I envy that. It's a horrible, horrible emotion that can strike you as the event happens, and/or several years down the road. I'll use myself as an example

I have no grandparents; they're all dead. While I wasn't very close to them, I still get a funny twang inside when someone mentions their grandmother or grandfather, and I think to myself of all the years I've went without mine.

I remember my grandmother had a candy drawer, and she used to give me something every time I came over. They would make me dinner and take me to stores, and I used to sit on my grandpa's lap when he would watch TV. I still remember them reading stories to me. When my parents came to take me home, I used to always call to my grandpa "see you later alligator" when I left and he would always wave and make a funny face as he replied "after while crocodile."

Those memories are still there in my head...after all this time. My grandma used to scold my parents whenever they would get mean with me, and she used to have these little daisy cups from a dispenser by the sink that she would fill with Kool-aid and juice. My mothers parents would have birthday parties for me, and at christmas, it was always the same decorations, the same tree, the same nativity scene on the shelve and ribbon candies on a tray next to it--but I loved it. I used to watch campy horror movies over there, and I used to swim in their lake every summer.

Then, one day it was all gone.

It's hard to describe what it feels like to never again see that person you've grown accustomed to seeing every Christmas, Easter, and weekends. There is emptiness as you described, but there is frustration as well. I want to see them, I want to see those big dorky black glasses my grandpa used to wear, the sixties style hair weave that my grandma always had done at the salon, and I want to watch my other grandpa smoke his pipe and tease me in polish. But I can't; they're not there anymore. It's like reaching or searching for something you'll never find--and you know you'll never find--but you try anyway. It's a gnawing feeling that nags at you until you want to distract yourself with anything to make it go away. It feels as if someone has beat the ** out of you on the inside. There is hopelessness, emptiness, bittersweetness to every memory, every smell associated with the ones you lost, and again, every time you think of them, that frustration sets in.

Sometimes it gets so bad that it overwhelms the person (depending on their fortitude). I saw my mom go through a nervous breakdown when my grandma died; I saw my 30-something aunt curl into a little ball and just scream that she wanted "her mother". I saw people behaving in very ugly ways to each other over past feuds and what my grandmother wanted after she died. Let's just say the funeral was a terrible disaster.

People have different ways of coping. Some turn off all emotion. others scream and carry on. The ones who scream have a better time with it. They let the grief out as opposed to the one who keeps it all inside. I've seen grown men go down to their knees sobbing, I've seen other lock themselves up in a room for days at a time--not eating, not drinking. Every thing reminds you of the one you lost--and smells are a powerful memory trigger. The clothing of the person who is gone would be difficult to pack away, since their scent would be deeply embedded. Likewise with bedding, and anything they used frequently. The smell of their shampoo could trigger the same strength reaction days after or ten years after.

And remember, acceptance is one of the final stages of grief; it signifies healing has begun. Some people reach it faster than others. My Mom hasn't over her mom, and it's been over 10 years. But again, it depends on the person.

Anyway, these above are the more dramatic examples...and you did dramatic with the memories and crying...but there is subtly you should include with later chapters. An article of clothing, a certain scent, a figure of speech maybe that Ginny always said. Maybe it was a spot she always stood at, waiting for him, or maybe she would send an owl over at a certain time with a letter. Perhaps something good happens and the first thing Harry wants to do is tell Ginny...but of course, he can't.

We miss the things we take for granted most of all--some everyday event, habit, and voice that isn't there anymore. This is when it really hits...when something that you never thought would be gone is gone.