   Dibsthe1 2007-04-05 . chapter 1I like this so far. I like how it's from Dib's point of view, and the choice he faced between testing his new invention or watching his favorite show was an interesting one.
It's got very little description, though. This is okay as long as we're with characters we already know, but when the additional characters start coming in, it's hard to understand what is going on.
You seem to have a hard time combining dialogue with action. Reading more would show you various ways to do that. On this site, I'd like to particularly recommend MissMune, tere moto the sentry, and Lael Adair.
Now...
Don't listen to flamers. Got that? Do not listen to them. We're all here to learn how to write better. If we were already expert writers we wouldn't even be here; we'd be signing autographs at our latest book launch.
Here in Korea, students are still punished for making mistakes. Not only does that not help them learn, it makes learning even harder. I can only do so much to counter that, so I constantly tell my students that in my classroom they can make all the mistakes they want because mistakes are how we learn. |
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