I loved the IchiRuk kiss…hot!

I’m sure if I were a chocolate lover, I would revel in your descriptions of the chocolate goodness Bya craved. I know I’m rare – a woman not addicted to chocolate.

You have awesome and very detailed descriptions, but I think it would be nice for the characters to say more…to eachother.

In this chapter, I can see how you’ve diverged from the Bya and Renji’s original personalities to ones that will fit your storyline – was this your intention? Or did you not notice them diverge? And yes, I noticed this long before the “Fuck you” parts.

Renji’s gay and wants Bya – I so did not see this coming (and I can tell its not real)…but, good job on fooling me, I gauge patterns very easily.
I felt like this chapter was too long, and would never end – I could not, by the end, fathom what the particular goal of this chapter was. And near the very end, I felt like I was reading a fanfic written for an anime I had never seen before. All of the main characters had completely transformed in the space of one chapter, and seemed completely different from your beginning chapter.

I’m going to stop reviewing now and get back to my own story. I hope my thoughts help and were not too mean – if you were less of a friend, I would have just said it was funny and left it at that, but I thought you deserved more of a critique.

Firstly, I’m not sure Bya would chase someone down for chocolate – wouldn’t a more rational Bya thing to do, be to just get someone to buy/get him some if he really wanted it…But, I’m willing to suspend disbelief on this point if its to further your story.

Yes, I agree with you, TB – I never thought Bya was a paedophile, even when reading it. But…it was still really disgusting, it made me ill just reading it – and so far out of character for Bya, that you lost my ability to believe in the reality of the story. And I know you know that it was out of character, and subsequently tried to downplay the craziness of that situation – but still!

I did enjoy the Bya reiatsu thing and Renji’s blackmailing afterwards though.

I know I promised, so here it goes, TB. Although I’ve read your story before, I’m reading it again to do this review, because everything has been forgotten in my post-exam haze now.

I really enjoyed the chapter, especially the beginning. I loved the interaction between Bya and Renji – thought it was pretty realistic. Your description of their inner states was very good, and I understood exactly what was going on for both of them – which is really good writing, I think.

As for Hino, Hitsugaya, and Matsumoto, they are not my favourite bleach characters, so I don’t really know, but I kind of found myself skimming their parts a little…perhaps its that I’m just not as attracted to their personalities as the first two you introduced.

All in all, it was a well written chapter, and I could see the effort you expended in it – it made me want to read the next chapter…is that not the mark of a good chapter?

i notice you have a complete lack of ability when it comes to writing Hinamori.

For a start she acts like shes PMSing, all the time, when in reality shes got a personality somewhat akin to Inoue's.

DUDE! This story is freakin´ amazing!! Between renji and unohana and byakuya and the chocolate...Just wow, man, just wow. Kudos. Awesome job, really.

a very genius story with a very genuine idea. I really like that. update soon please! I like how this conspiracy goes, with unohana and renji. Well at first I did not agree Renji being jerk. but well, it suits him. LOL. And Ichigo, ganbatte! Keep up this great story, I'll wait the next chappie!

That was awesome! I loved Rukia's last line, I couldn't stop laughing!

Matsumoto and Hitsugaya amused me too no end, really.
Unohana...well...
GIVE HER WHAT'S COMING TO HER RUKIA!
~*Kyubi-Nemu*~

Oh my gd, ANOTHER cliff-hanger?! And such a good one too, darn you! (no, not really, you're awesome -huggles-)

THAT WAS SUCH A FREAKING AWESOME CHAPTER!!

I loved the way it ended with Rukia, seriously! Oh, do I sense some action coming in the next chapter? A clash of Zanpakuto against Zanpakuto?? -hopes so-

I lol'd so hard by the part with Matsumoto and Hitsugaya. Especially the way Matsumoto was mocking him with his confession to Hinamori, I burst out laughing! Also, this line was awesome:

"And stop hiding bottles of sake around the office to have at your disposal whenever you feel the need to drink."

I can TOTALLY see Mastumoto doing that! XD

And yay for Hitsugaya figuring it all out! Though, I'm still quite curious about what the whole deal is with Renji & Hinamori.

I get that they were together at some point, and that he cheated on her, but are we going to get more of the drama? Oh, and Hinamori telling him to go to hell = AWESOME.

Even though I adore Hinamori for her kind and sweet personality, I like how you show that she also has a rather dangerous and wrathful side that can burn you if you're not careful ^^

Though I did want to point out that Hinamori doesn't call Hitsugaya 'Shirou-chan'. She always calls him 'Hitsugaya-kun'. The anime likes to have her call him that a lot, but in the manga, she never does it.

Oh! And I totally noticed the whole Retsu calling them by 'chan' and 'kun' thing before Hitsugaya said anything!

Overall, really, really awesome chapter. I was so giddy when I checked my emails and saw you updated ^^ I'm so excited for the next chapter, I can't wait to see how this story unfolds!

And I just want to say, Retsu slapping Byakuya made my day! Unfortunately, what with the recent arc and all, the anime has made me hate him again. But Retsu slapping him like she did made me smile realy big, haha. And Byakuya's lines to her were really pwnsome. I liked this one a lot:

"It amazes me, Retsu, that you would insult my intelligence so as to think I’ve not the slightest idea what you’ve been doing. You brought me here, not Rukia, not Yoruichi. You desire something from me."

You know, I was reading over the fight between Byakuya and Renji the other night, and it made me realize how sharp some of Byakuya's lines can be.

Anyway, PLEASE update soon! I really can't wait to see how everything works out in the end. I hope Hinamori doesn't get hurt or anything cause of Retsu, and that Hitsugaya gets there in time. Though, I wouldn't mind seeing Renji suffering a little XD

UPDATE!!

~Téa

Holy Shitz!
When I first clicked and started reading this fiction, I never, gawd never, never expected it to be THIS incredible! I'm truly awed. The plot just thickens, and thickens and becomes juicier with every chapter. From now onwards, I will never be able to look a Unohana an NOT be reminded of this fic again! She scares me more than she does in the manga... I'm so hyped up for the next chapter!! Please update! Its priceless!

I'd like you to know that at the time this chapter was posted, I was away, and I just got back now. And when I saw that there was an update to this story, my reaction went as follows:

"...there's an update...HOLY CRAP THERE'S AN UPDATE! HELL YES! SHE FINALLY UPDATED, OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!"

And then I proceeded to do a little jig. But don't worry, no one was in the room to watch XD

Oh wow, this chapter brought out so many different emotions! Unohana is quite the conniving little sneak. I mean, wow, even though it's a little hard to believe she could be so evil, it's like, I can see it happening in a way. Seriously, this is amazing!

I got chills when Unohana closed the door, and she's just like, 'Sit up Kuchiki, I know you're awake.'

Evil definitely has a new name.

And I'm so curious as to what Yoruichi has up her sleeve. The dialogue between her and Nanao was extremely well done. Very IC.

The only thing that kind of felt out of place was the humor with Ichigo. Not to be critical, because it was funny, and I laughed and all, it just...I don't know, the whole chapter had this serious tone, so it just felt kind of jarring. At least, his first line anyway.

AND OMG! PHOTOSHOPPED!RENJI! I HAVE TO SEE THIS!!

That flashback with Renji and Rukia...if your goal was to make the reader feel wistful at what they used to have, and horribly sad because of what they have now, you've definitely suceeded. I really wanted to cry at that part.

And, wow, that last line of the chapter is having me grip the edge of my seat!

"Kuchiki Rukia did not play the role of damsel in distress, after all."

Omg, you HAVE to update! Please, pretty please? I really want to read what happens next! This is so not fair, please update soon!

~Téa

Um...Wow. Wow. Yeah, I'd say your profile descriptions are about right with the "WTF" thing. Yeah...hopefully the story takes a lighter turn. M.

hee hee! ichigo is toosmart for his own good. very WTF, but a good read

Still loving it~ ^^ Haven't read a good story like this for a while. Well-developed characters and relationships complete with fitting descriptions, switching POVs and humour. I love stories that connect the bits together... soo faving this! ^^

Holy crap!! Unohana makes a good Aizen O_o' Another awesome chappie ^^ Yay the hinamori and hitsugaya plot is solved! ^^ Loving this story~! :D

Wahh I love this story!! Story development is amazing!! Unohana!?!?! XD OMG for once I don't support any Renji pairings... that's the power of your fic XD Awesome! *cookies~o~chocolate~cookies~~* ^^