ooh. i really liked this story. Kyoto really ** Murtagh off don't she? pure genius. i love the plot and story line.

...why does people always give up on the best stories? *sigh*

i realy really very extremely love this story...unfortunately...*sigh* me and my reading obsession...

i really love this story, please continue *sigh* me and my unhealthy addiction to reading...

What? NO!
You cant end the story!its so funny!
I NEED to know what Yuri's "condition" is!
And the Kyoto and Mutagh fights are really funny!
Please please please please dont end it!

I would like to read the redone version of this. When I finally hear you've updated, it's just to say you're not doing this story anymore. Anyway, I hope the redone version get's out soon!

Later!

It's great that you love Anime and Japan-stuff, but in Paulini's world, people don't have names like Kyoto. Yuri also sounds a bit weird.

You need to stick to one point in a paragraph. First you say that Yuri is the closest person to her and then, suddenly you tell that her parents were killed when she was five. This would be fine, if it had anything to do with eachother, but it are two completely different things. You also need to explain it a little more, at which moments do the memories flash by? Describe the scenery about the screaming children.

How do Yuri and Kyoto know that Yuri's parents can take care of her now? Did they let them know?
How old was Yuri when her parents left her? (Since they were teenagers you say).
How old are they now, since they are so sure that Yuri's parents won't come anymore?

Kyoto is a Japanese name, why does she have blond hair?

It is 'clothes', not 'cloths'. Cloths are pieces of fabric. (Mostly used for cleaning or something).

How can she be wearing her best clothes and hair tie, so she won't stick out in the crowd? If you don't want to stick out, you don't wear your best clothes.

"And Kyoto had a picture of her and her family" doesn't belong in this sentence. Try "...and very little or no money. Kyoto alos had a picture of her and her family."

"They spend all day reading about Alagaesia for the rest of the week." First you say that they spend the day reading about it, then at the end of the sentence it's suddenly all week. That doesn't make sence. Chose one and keep it at that.

I'm not going to tell you it's good, because it's not, but it's not really bad either. You just need to read it over a couple of times, deciding for yourself if it sounds right. You jump from sentence to sentence, no details or explanations and it doesn't seem to fit right. Something about their skills shouldn't be in the same paragraph as them grabbing there backpacks and sneaking out of the room. Both need describing of her own. What does the room look like? Why is it important to mention what skills they have?

Also, Kyoto seems to be a Mary Sue. A big one. She has a tragic past, both of her parents dead, but she 'somehow' survived. She's got beautiful blond waist length hair and 'golden eyes'. No one has 'golden eyes'.

You have to describe how they were sucked in, the feeling that it gave them, how it looked, everything.
Try describing more and it will be the biggest approvement you can make in your story.

What di I miss? What's Yuri's condition? If she's pregnant how did it happen?!? OMG MISSING STUFF! confuzzled. Anyways UPDATE SOON! Pleasey :)

SilverAurora

really likr it =)

of corse we forgive you. You have a better plot then most so it's easy to want to read more no matter how long it takes to do an update. But don't do it again or you'll wake up one morning underwater. Lol jk. Please continue I loved that you did a little of Yuri's side but her relationship with Eragon is kind of hard to understand...Are they talking alot, little kind of embarassed? Do they likem each other?

Zoodles -Nickle

You updated!WOOT!I liked this chapter!

Spottedstar, leader of windclan

wow nice story i like how u made murtagh seem so uncaring because most people mess that up in fanfictions they make him all nice and caring, im not saying hes not but you described him pretty well hurry and post the next chapter

i love it!

Please continue!This is a funny and great story!Please continue!

Spottedstar, leader of windclan

I think this was your best chapter so far! Go you! Okay, I'm getting hooked on this story like I am jerky. (Not even three universes between me and jerky stops me from getting to it!)

Later!