   Ice Dragon3
2008-02-18 . chapter 6This was good. My favorite parts were the scenes between Itachi and Kisame. Their secret and suggestive relationship, and how we really only got to see small snippets of it acted out (with speculation and conversation filling in the other parts), really made those scenes intense. They were actually more provocative and erotic for me than the actual sex scenes, from a voyeuristic point of view. Sharks are so dangerous, yet you made it a sensual power through your description of his graceful swimming and nearly gentle actions towards Itachi (especially for the hand feeding! I imagine those sharp rows of teeth gently scraping Itachi's tender palm). It heightened the tension the reader felt for them: Itachi was playing with fire in more ways than one. He had society's reaction to worry about if they ever found out, as well as being so attached to such a fearsome creature (who could harm him, as it was seen; even if the wounds weren't meant to kill, Itachi could have lost enough blood to die). For me, even though Itachi and Kisame were minor characters, they completely dominated the story for me.
If I had anything to critique this story about, it's that the relationships between Naruto with Genma and Sasuke with his humanoids pale in comparison. You lost the intensity of the feeling by treating it more lightly. Instead of going with the idea of a 'forbidden relationship' that you built up through Itachi and Kisame (who were the prototypes, and gave Naruto and Sasuke their ideas), you created a lighter tone for the younger ones. The open descriptions (both physical and romantic), the characters' relaxed natures of it, and the hybrid babies all soften the idea of an inter-creature relationship. Now, maybe you wanted to end things on a lighter note and found this as a suitable solution (which it is), but as for me as a reader, I much preferred the darker intensity that died with Itachi. I guess I have a darker streak and enjoy in some perverse way a pleasure through unhappy endings, but this is just my personal and honest opinion. I felt I should share with you what I found lovable and what was less to my liking. It's fine to mix genres, but you let the dominating genre (happy romance) become flat through introducing a more compelling yet obscured thread of dark romance. Just like with any recipe, you need to find the right mix between salt and sugar. I did enjoy the story, please don't misunderstand that. I'm glad you wrote it. |
 TheDemonQueen1
2008-01-30 . chapter 6OMG!! I loved it! Where did you get the idea, I have never read anything like it and it was so cute! Naruto with a baby... aws! Anyway, I loved it tons and tons, I will try to read more of your work it is so good. *winks while holding hand in symbol for love and peace* Ja ne! |
 SlashnYaoi
2007-11-29 . chapter 1Considering all the normal and humanoid pets that the she had, it was only fitting that they could roam freely without the hassles of escaping speeding cars and/or annoying children.
becomes
Becasue of all the pets she had (regular and humanoid), it was fitting that she lived were they could roam without the worry of cars and children.
sound a little less awkward? |
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