(Sorry if you get this twice; my internet borked after I clicked on the Submit button, so I don't know if it went or not :S Anyway...)

ACK! Sorry for the delay; I meant to review this at work, but I couldn't read more than about a third because the navaho blocks any naughty words ;)

It's hard to end a story neatly, but you really pulled it off. That last sentence was fantastic :D

>>Smith began to breath (breathe) harder, faster; he wanted to scare them into submission. He at least needed to look like he was in control => I like the idea behind this (if you can't beat 'em, bluff 'em!) but increasing your breathing rate - if he did it deliberately - has the opposite effect. People who are breathing rapidly have either lost their temper, are terrified or just plain out of breath! Whichever it is, it's not going to make anyone believe they have control over the situation. A bad guy who is breathing calmly and evenly is more worrying than one who's hyperventilating; chances are the regular-breathing guy is calm and confident because he has something else up his sleeve.

I did waffle on a bit there, but I hope it was understandable :) Of course, if Smith didn't increase his breathing deliberately, then feel free to ignore everything in that paragraph :P It just read like he did it on purpose.

>>Sam sternly begged => It's not easy to beg 'sternly'; it's kind of a contradiction in terms. Begging implies weakness, that you've lost control of the situation; sternly usually goes with warnings or demands. If you wanted to keep both, you could say: "Although Sam's voice was pleading, his expression was stern" (just off the top of my head :))

>>Mike grinned madly, like a Cheshire Cat with a traumatic mental disorder => love it!

>>Nelson simpered => Heh. This did give me a pretty interesting (and slightly disturbing) mental image: simpering usually means to smile flirtatiously, often accompanying what you say with a girlish titter. It's used most often to describe clingy, somewhat airheaded young women who just want to impress their dream guy. Not sure that's quite Nelson's style...:P

I liked the repetition of "It's your Aunty Jillian, Sammy..." throughout; very clever!

>>lip curled with mere aggression => The use of the word 'mere' lessens the effect. Paraphrased, it would read: >>lip curled with nothing more than aggression. You could simplify it by writing: "lip curled aggressively."

A few apostrophe errors:

kidney's => kidneys
copper's => coppers

Also, when character dialogue goes into description, it ends with a comma, not a full stop. Example:

"I want these bastards locked up tonight." the Gov demanded =>
"I want these bastards locked up tonight," the Gov demanded

obviations => did you mean 'ovations'? :)

Loved the bit about Sam pulling out the tape recorder at the very end!

>>Just let me go to the Lady's => if you mean the ladies' bathroom, it's written Ladies :)

I also liked the crossover with Sam's mother at the end, saying how Morgan had been arrested in their time as well ;) Neat!

What the hell; I loved the whole thing from start to finish! *applauds* I'm keen to see more of your LoM work :D

A really well written story with many twists and turns to keep the reader interested. I couldn't wait for each instalment and look forward to reading future stories.

*big cheer!* Very well done, and excelent ending to a fantastic fanfiction!
It's made me laugh and at times nearly cry and I tell you, if you sold this to the BBC they'd make it into episodes of 'Life on Mars' in a instant. Well, maybe not that fast, but pretty quick!!
Can't wait for more writing from you. Again, well done!

Great finish...well done

Wow! Great ending to a wonderful story! I'm glad everything turned out okay! ^^ Good work!

A lovely ending to a wonderful fic! I've enjoyed this immensely all the way from start to finish; you wrapped up the loose ends nicely and kept the story true to the tone of the show. Well done, and I can't wait to see what other fics you have in store! :D

I just wanted to let you know that I love this story, and I can't wait to see what happens next!

Ah! It has all become clear, (pardon the pun, I know they're window cleaning). Very well written, Poor Jillian, but glad to know she's still ok!
Can't wait for the next chapter!

Oh, coolies!

Ooh, nice! You've managed to capture the whole LoM detective story (complete with hints and red herrings) very well.

Main edit points...not typos so much as general reading and flow of words now. As always, they're suggestions, not demands ;)

There are some very long-winded sentences in this chapter (I'm guilty of the same thing; my main reader always says "Break into two sentences" at least three times a chapter ;))

To use a few examples:

-In the vague light that was Gene holding a candle, provided by Mike, into the air, Sam knew it was her; her eyes, red and swollen.

This is a very muddled sentence. I know what you mean, but I had to read it three or four times before understanding it. Perhaps something like:

In the vague light provided by the candle Gene was holding - courtesy of Mike - Sam could see it was her, could see her red, swollen eyes.

Instead of commas, maybe you could try using hyphens from time to time; they break up long sentences and make them easier on the eyes so you don't lose the flow of the story :) The same goes for semi-colons; sometimes it's better to split it into two sentences.

-Gov who appeared as equally as perplexed as the younger man =>
You don't need 'as the younger man', since we know from the previous sentence that it's Sam we're talking about.

-"Right people, love?" Gene quizzed, becoming involved =>
Again, you don't need the 'becoming involved' part, as it's pretty obvious. You could write something like, "Right people, love?" Gene put in, or interjected and keep the same feel of the sentence.

-She rubbed her head with one hand, closing her eyes tightly shut as if the conversation would magically reappear => I like this a lot; it's very descriptive :D I'm not sure you need 'shut' though.

-the rest of the week's mascara finally rubbing free in a flood of grey misery => I like this a lot too; you've gotten very good at this kind of description :D

-self-important thud => This made me laugh out loud. I can just hear Litton doing it too :D

Chris being scared of heights...yeah, I can see that somehow! Poor Chris, he does tend to screw things up!

I'm really loving this; I'll be sorry to see it end :( The quality of your writing's improved chapter by chapter; I'd like to see more LoM fanfics from you :)

Oh, just one small continuity point; in the very first episode of LoM, Sam claims that he was four in 1973, not three ;)

Long is good :P

Another great chapter; only one thing that I could see:

"Didn't you see the rotor?" - I think you might have meant 'rota' (rotor is a type of propellor :P)

Otherwise great! Can't wait for more!

dun dun dun! This is fantastic! keep it up!

Good chapter. I thought the bit with Annie was very good. I could atcherly imagine her doing that!
Can't wait for more, and I have to say, I'm a little upset it's nearly over with. I really do love this fic!

Great chapter as always. I thought haveing Ray stand up for Annie was good and I also think Annie's reaction to the new DI was very in charecter too. I don't think she'd wanna cause any more trouble with him, and accepting the appology was again, in charecter, well i thought so at least! Can't wait to read the next chapter...

Ooh, like it :P

A few notes:

"Both Annie and Ray turned to each other, both seething": You don't need the first 'both'; by saying 'Annie and Ray turned to each other' it's obvious they both did it.

lovers flat => lover's flat
days proceedings => day's proceedings
you and William's => you and Williams

Also, when a character finishes speaking and the story goes into description, it ends with a comma and not a full stop, eg: "Yes, he did." Gene affirmed... => "Yes, he did," Gene affirmed.

Best quote of the chapter?

"Your 'ead met my fist. Let's just say they didn't get on too well." Classic Huntism XD