Many run-on sentences that could be easily fixed with semi-colons, or conjuntions.
You mispelled the character's names here and there.
Narrator=not Naruto. Please do fix that. I also believe that Neji isn't spelled 'Neiji.'
I'm glad that you didn't use dattebayo at the end of everything that Naruto said;that's really not needed.
Now enough of my critism; I really liked this one-shot.
Very cute! :D

nyce one!!

good pairing..

i really liked it..
any way..
i'm curious about what Sakura told Sasuke that made him go like that..
hm??

go SASUSAKU!!
hehe.. *giggles*

if ur gonna answer that..
u know my YM...

=)..

Heyo, it's me again. Sorry about the delay, but i kinda forgott to read the story xp btw it's great i love it, lemon or no lemon, it's so kawaii ^^, i really like it. Naruto and Hinata are one of my favorite pairings. And i loved the arm wrestle thing, the boys usualy do that and we love to cheer them XD and, i have a question for you, what did Sakura said to Sasuke to make him so strong? Oh, and btw how's the squell to revenge vs love going? well, i have nothing more to ask or say so, till next time, sayonara ^^

Aww...cute!! Man, now I don't even need to eat that cookie I was craving!

I've got to say though...I love you ended every section with alone. The repetetiveness of it all...Wah!! So poetic!! And pretty!!

This was awesome! I only have three things to...critque. (I think that's a record, usually it's a lot more. I just forget 'em.)

1. The A/Ns, putting them right in the middle of the story is annoying, just group them all at the beginning of end.

2. I saw only two mistakes, one spelling near the beginning and then how the last line is weird, but that's not your fault I don't think. Oh, and one miscapatilisation of dattebayo.

3. I know this is a really weird one but the dattebayo reads weird. I love to death the original Japanese version of Naruto but it seems weird when reading it I dunno what to do about it or anything though, you could take them out. I noticed you forgot them quite a bit anyways.

So! If you are still reading thank yas very much! I really enjoyed this, (despite not especially like SasuSaku and NejiTen) and though it was all lovely. Plus you used the two couples I actually like I Narto, NaruHina and ShikaTema! (Loved the ShikaTema thing on the dance floor. It was all completely in character.)

ok that was absolutetly adorable! I love these little no strings attatched romances sighs looking at the ceiling. lol you just might want to double check it sometime a couple of spelling mistakes and words missing but apart from that great!
Anea

Pretty good, I like how you broke the story into little sections. There were a couple times when you slipped between present and past tense, as well as a couple of spelling mistakes here and there. But overall, really enjoyable, even amongst the sea of NxH fanfics.

~Sarah

I don't know much about romance stories, but in my view this was good. A couple of things though. You often spelt Neji wrong. You spelt it 'Neiji'.

I noticed that you used Japanese words. This is a large pet-peeve of mine. You took the time to put the English beside it, so why not just use the English words. It won't affect the story.

Lastly, don't put A/N's in the middle of a story. It destracts the reader from the story. Save it for the end or the beginning but not in the middle.

Good story though. I like the arm-wrestling thing.

I like the story, it's just that at certain points you confused Naruto with the word Narrator...and I understand the similarities but please, edit that.

YAY that was so good onegai(please)do another story of hinata/naruto

Bows down.I LOVED this story! I know it's not New Year's, but Happy New Year's in advance.

it was great...but who's narrator? Hinata kept saying it.

lol dattebayo
naruto said that alot
anyway good writing i enjoyed that.
:D

It was a great story! Loved the whole idea of it. Although there were some spelling mistakes. Just letting you know for other stories that you might write, that way you can make them even better than they are. All in all, it was great! ^^

It was a very nice story here. Agreed, the characters didn't seem to far out of character (I could easily see Naruto and Sauske arm wrestling for 15 minutes, lol). However, I don't understand Japanese so I felt like I was missing out on some things. All in all, this gets an "A" in my book.