I read 15 chapters of your story and it was...ALSOME(my way of spelling this)! my friend jacky read all of this story and part of the sequel which we both want you to really finish! Because this story is so cool, the way you bring the characters to life is ALSOME! my friend Jacky never even liked Naruto, but when i showed her this story she became OBSESSED! and i do mean crazy! well please do continue making your very very great storys,(i didn't use ALSOME i started to use this word alot, Sorry!) because we are huge fans!

MAJOR FANS,
marandamam and Jacky

Uh... I'm confused.

You tend to switch from third person point of view to first person... It's pretty confusing to read. The thoughts and dialogue are hard to tell apart, but the thoughts don't exactly make sense. Sasuke's pretty OOC; Not to mention the adjectives (Ex: “Hiding are we, a foolish attempt” His voice was so stern and emotionless, yet she was surprised to find a hint of amusement. // The last part of the sentence, is okay, but "His voice was so stern and emotionless". Why is his voice stern? Usually it's something you use to describe someone who's being strict because they well, care. In this case, Sasuke does not. Or at least, "Hiding are we, a foolish attempt" doesn't seem like he's worried...plus, you should've replaced the comma with a question mark.)

But I'll guess that you don't like periods and other puncuation marks...? o.o Cause you don't use a lot of them...

I think the chapter went a bit too fast. You know, you could've explained some stuff first before just jumping right to that scene. It makes it feel so...I dunno, rushed? I mean explaining stuff is boring but it lets the reader understand the story better (details and such).

The ending... Not the best.

"Sasuke" He replied. "My name is Sasuke"

Er, I think you could've used Uchiha at the end, don't you think? Also, commas & periods are your best friend... Sorta, but you get the point.

I also skipped to the last chapter and skimmed through it, and sadly, the changes in your writing didn't change much. You still did not use periods or commas (and question & exclaimation marks when needed!) in places you should've, and basically, not a lot of improvement. Though I notice that it's mainly when you're using dialogue, that you don't use commas, periods, etc. Why is that?

When you write conversation, you keep them so simple. They're mainly dialogue; You should/should've describe what's going on, where they are, etc. Put some thoughts, give discriptions but not go overboar with it, and stuff inbetween. Dialogue is good--too much is bad.

Your story idea is interesting, and I wish I could continue reading it, but the never ending mistakes are rather distracting.

i really liked this story. It was better than I was expecting,and I can't wait to start reading the sequel.

I like the story so far. And I know you said it would be confusing in the beginning so I'm kinda wondering if you switched from "she" to "me" a lot in the first chapter on purpose. You should probably pay attention to the perspective. On to the second chapter! XD

Great chap and just to let u know if u dont i meant to tell u earlier teme means basturd dobe neans ** and baka means idiot ny best frien is jappanese

loved this story so much

THIS STORY IS AWESOME! I AM HIGH! I ALSO LIKE PIE!

That was great!! couldnt stop reading it!! i passed through my bed time... lol idc! great ending btw

Darkness will never succeed... nice wording.. lol dats true darkness never those succeed!!

Karin! Screw You!

woah dat was crazy!!

Love the ending!

wow dats a really hard choice!!

lol

I really like the plot to this so far, but I think you really need to work on the perspective of your story. There are parts where you refer to Sakura as both "she" and "me" in the same sentence. It makes the story really difficult to read.