 InsanityManifest 2007-05-01 . chapter 2Very interesting. I'm enjoying this little fic very much and thus I'll give a thorough review.
The Good:
I feel the love you have for the Titans as I read the words. The image of Jinx grinning victoriously after taking Cy to school in video games is just awesome. The fact that you decided to bring her back for a post season 5 adventure will add a twist to the story.
The Bad:
There is nothing really BAD per se about your story. It's definitely got quality. There aren't a lot of mistakes. I think just a misspelled word here and there.
Suggestions:
While Slade always has Titan's on the brain, try giving him a new goal or method to take the teens down. Think outside the box. Crashing an asteroid onto Jump City, unleashing a horde of resurrected dragons, getting hold of a nuke, etc etc. The same old "Me Slade, You Titans, DIE!" gets a little old after a while. You didn't do that though, which is admirable. You even went into some detail as to "why" Slade is obsessed with the Titans. Now if you can figure out why Slade wants an apprentice so bad, then you'd REALLY have something.
If you need referrences on Slade, has a huge index.
Only two other things I can think of. One, you expose too much outside of dialogue. A trick is to bring in OC's to explain certain things that the reader wouldn't know. You can even use people you know for inspiration. Two, add a little more flavor to the dialogue. The lines are good, but you want to make sure everyone has their own way of talking. If I can read a line and think, "Oh man, that is so Beast Boy!" then your doing it right. You can even go so far as to have characters mess up in their speech, goof words up, make up new words, you know. I'd stay away from catchphrases though, it can make character dialogue predictable.
All in all, I'm liking it and adding it to my alert. Keep writing.
4/5 So says the Insanity! |