Yuki didn't sell him to be raped. He gang banged him but let the other guys go first for 10 dollars. That's the reason why Eiri kills him because he was okay with what Yuki doing stuff with him. He didn't like the other guys or the fact that they went first. Also I thought that Eiri already knew about Yuki's son...or is that in the next series?

Hello, hi. Yeah, got distracted and whatnot, but I'm here.

Well let's see, chapter 26... well, there's no big mistakes or anything I can see. There are a few places that look like there is a missing sentence. Like: "After about a dozen rides Shuichi begged for some ice cream. The boy seemed surprised. Though he didn’t know why. It was his day if some ice cream was what he wanted then who was he to argue."
Like there, you just forgot to mention that Eiri agreed. I think there was one more example of that, though I'm not sure. And word order.

I think the main thing though was the long flashback. The flashback itself was fine, but sometimes people get impatient, because the flashback might pause the plot. Perhaps that would be the complaint. Maybe if you learn how to transition smoother, to make the flashback the story itself it would help. If you took out the word 'flashback' in the chapter, I think it would have been fine. That's just my guess.

Aww, that was so sad, but happy, too! I'm glad that Yuki wasn't left hanging on how AU!Shuichi was doing. And I definitely want to know how AU!Yuki will react to AU!Shu, so I guess I'm off to read the sequal! I'm glad I got to read such an awesome fanfic! So, thank you!

Oh my, no nonsense and straight to the point. Eiri doesn't like to mess around, does he?

Anyway, handling of the events were fine, except when he arrived back in Japan suddenly for no reason. 'He turned and left' doesn't imply he got on a plane. So if I assume he was teleported there by supernatural means, I would think a couple more hints before the cellphone rings would be necessary. Like maybe him thinking that there were suddenly a lot of 'japanese faces' along the street or something like that. Nothing huge, just a few things.

So, I realize that these are really early chapters and that you certainly would have improved by now, but still, I think there are somethings authors can still learn from looking back. Feel free to look at my own stories to decide whether or not to take me seriously, but just so you know, I haven't posted anything for a while. Too busy writing and thinking of other stuff...

Hm, I like the build up of hints and clues for Eiri to figure out something is not quite right. The only thing I did not like was the 'bright light' sequence, only because the first time I read through, I did not connect that to 'car.' You only mentioned he 'sat up' but not whether he was in the street or sidewalk. To be honest I did not quite follow the newspaper bit, because having a newspaper fly into your face with only a week ago date is not that altering, but just little details for me. Though the image of Yuki was a good touch.
I think you handled Eiri's character here well enough, and how he discovered Yuki's family.

...Aw, that was sad! Man, I can't believe Yuki is cold enough to let him sleep on the couch. I know he's proud, but that's just cruel. And Shuichi sacrifices so much for his sake!

Okay, you do this several times through out the fanfiction, so I guess I'll just do little reminders from now on, but I really think you should break up your longer paragraphs. Don't get me wrong, I don't want them shorter, but reading on the internet is hard enough on the eyes, but to see a bunch of lines together like that on a screen can make you lose your place. Plus for some people, it just gets boring to read. Humans are impatient that way in today's world.

Hehe, I do like the little thing with the grape juice. I used to do that when I was little. It made me feel sophisticated. xD

Right, so I was reading this again, and I remember from reading this before that I noticed how Shuichi was really knowledgeable for Yuki. I figured his wording and the storytelling was a little out of character, but I like how it demonstrates how close he feels to Yuki, and how much he really knows his lover. I knew of course this was foreshadowing to Yuki's departure and confusion for the other 'Shuichi' he would no doubt have in the other world mentioned. It's a good contrast, I liked it.

...Alright, first of all, I hate bank account scammers, they suck. I really hate those phone calls talking about cars and mortgages and bank accounts- I don't HAVE any. So there.

Right anyway, I'll try to spread out my advice, so just the thing I'll say here: I do like the flashbacks you put in there, those did add some color to the background. Though maybe for future reference, if a phone is annoying the hell out of a character, sometimes it adds both humor and better demonstration of agitation if you personify an object, like maybe the phone was purposely trying to stop him from working. Then again, Yuki's not usually like that, is he? No, maybe just mention that the entire world seems fixated on distracting and annoying him.

Hello *bow* I hope you don't mind me making this approach, but you said you were willing to listen to anything that might help you improve as a writer. Well, I could try to give you a few pointers right here, but there are quite a few chapters I wanted to say something in, and I'm afraid I'll miss some of them.

Here's the thing: You're writing's not perfect, but at the same time, your characterization and attention to detail and backgrounds captured my interest so much I was amazed. So much so, that I want to look back, and comment on absolutely every one I want to. I give this review to let you know I've read the whole thing- I was just impatient to get through everything. I think I'll just do a couple at a time. Hey, I got a life too.

So, without further ado, Chapter one.

I like this story a lot! I'd also love to read about how the other world Shuichi made another world Yuki fall in love with him :))

aww, YAY ! I'm glad 4 Eiri!

I read and reread several chapters and I simply couldn't find a thing wrong with them, aside from the usual grammar mistakes that come with posting on this site. I would like to say that I absolutely adore this story! I'm not much one for alternate universes and people suddenly rethinking how they act, but you made it all fit together perfectly. I don't know if you have yet, but please make your continuation of this story. I would, indeed, like to know what changes Yuki will make in his world.

i recently found this story and i really enjoyed reading it. thank you for posting it. i wish i would have found it while you were still writing it. i look forward to reading some of the sequel.

So sweet! And the last chapter? I want more! I'll definatly read the continuation...

Thank you so,so much for this wonderful amazing story!

A happy semi-ending!
So how long was yuki in the coma? I missed that.

I will be reading Second Chance: Before and After.

See you there. ^.^