This is a very powerful story you have going and continues to improve as you write more. The opening was perfect for drawing in a reader. If I may say though, that the past tense of "to drag" is not "drugged" but "dragged." "Drugged" is the past tense of "to drug" as though with chloroform (as the sentence referred to a donkey's pace I assume it was the former and not the latter).

I love the picture you paint of Thranduil--to many assume he is greedy and cruel because of the Hobbit's references to his love of gold. But I like that image of the caring father of his people.

Whoa. That takes a lot of explaining for an orc and an elf to be "friendly" and conversing in any way that does not resemble the end of a sword. Though it does make a bit of sense--orcs like to rule themselves better than being ruled...

When switching scenes it would be helpful to put a break * or a long line, something that tells the readers we're going elsewhere now so we're not thrown off because we were with Gandalf one minute and in the next line, Elrond's all of a sudden there.

Otherwise, it's very interesting. I would like to see how this goes.

~The Lady of Light~

I have read both versions of your story. I REALLY love the first version MUCH, MUCH better! Hope you decide to stay with the first version.

Since my 'nice' and 'well bred' reviewer Sweat Pee did not leave her/his e-mail adresse for a more 'personal' reply, only so much here: I do hope that her German is as good as my English and that she will surprise us un with many a well-written LOTR-fic in my native tongue.

You need another beta.


I'm sure you have a chance of "vfinding even a ghint" of one somewhere on this site!