Fushibidamn.

Just so you know, fushibidamn ranks third out of eight on my list of amazingness. The only two that beat you are golden awesome and legendary (truth be told, the only reason it wasn't legendary is because it wasn't long).

Very good job, and for someone who doesn't have very much confidence in their abilities as a poet, you sure have a lot of talent. I saw two things that may improve the flow and readability of the poem, if you approve of suggestions.
First, the part that goes "And I don't want to keep it that way," you could change it to "And I don't want it to stay that way."
Also, I found one glaring grammar error. "Somehow, your deep brown eyes is a sanctuary for me." No offense intended, but that sounds like one of the poems that they would put in an English book inside the agreement unit. It really should be 'somehow, your deep, brown eyes ARE a sanctuary for me."

Yeah, so, way to go, keep up the good work, all that stuff. And if you could, please review me. If you feel nice... Nobody reviews me back...

Wow! I really liked it- you did a good job with this :D

Very good for your first try! The vivid details spices it up a lot...And the grammar and stuff is good. Write another poem if you have time, I think that would please quite a bit of people.

Well, it's very nice, but towards the middle, it seems more for angst/tragedy.

*sigh* how sad...

But either ways, it's a good piece of work!
Keep it up!
valeshipping x3!^^

~Irui

nice, i like it!
i agree, the whole reptitious pattern gave it more feeling and more effect!

Hey, not bad. I like the whole repetition technique; it makes the poem effective.