update!!

Good chapter. Pelase update.

I cant wait to read the rest

Please update. Let's see what happens next.

Nice story so far. :)

My first Mulan fanfic.

Anymore?

I thought I'd address my response to your response as a review, because that's essentially what this is. Don't worry; I've snipped out all of the spoilery parts.

"Thanks exceedingly for your review. As much as I appreciate one-liner reviews, they can be a little disappointing. This is one of the rare occasions that I've received a review which showed how much someone was paying attention to my work."

I know what you mean. Every author gets a share of those, the vast majority of which are along the lines of, “You’re story is gr8! Plz write more!” I also appreciate long reviews, so it makes sense to give as good as I get.

"Thank you for your enlightening and perfectly valid
criticism. I perfectly understand your arguments but to be honest, I was so elated at seeing a long review that I re-read your criticisms over and over before I thought of even arguing.But I'm glad and thankful that you really appreciated my work enough to dissect it and alert me to its faults. Your review is greatly valued."


I hoped you’d take it well, but I didn’t think you’d take it THIS well. I’m glad that reader input is so important to you.


"And now to address the points you raised. I understand why you aren't convinced that I am a fan of Mulan by this work. If you knew me in person, you'd be convinced but that's irrelevant. Needless to say, I am a big Mulan fan but this is the first time I've tried posting a Mulan fan fiction story. I wrote VaeVictis on a whim and as I continue, the story has been gradually
materializing in my head."

That sounds like me when I wrote my first fanfic. (“Swift Dark Mistress” was originally a fill-in-the-plothole on a message board.)

"But I assure you, that I will be Championing the Mulan canon characters later on."

I’m glad to hear it. For the future, I would advise not to leave your readers wondering about that. I understand that you’re telling this from the Escaflowne characters’ POV, but I’m sure you can find a way to…drop some hints, if you will…so that your readers don’t jump ship due to a misunderstanding of your intentions.

[snipping out spoilers]

"And I'm sorry if you find Dilandau and Diana's endless criticism and sarcasm a little over the top. This isn't meant to showcase the inferiority of the Wu Zhong gang, it is meant to show the arrogant and condescending natures of the
two Gaeans who WILL BE PROVEN WRONG in the near future."

Once again, I’m glad that you’re telling me this. It would be even better if you told everyone ELSE this, that is, if it were a little more obvious that you as an author don’t share the viewpoint of the two Gaeans. I'm not saying plunk an author's note down in the middle of the text; just a hint here or there would do.

"They think they're so great. And so they will meet their matches.

[snipping out spoilers]

All of Dilandau's disparaging remarks are merely to keep HIM in
character. Diana agrees with him at every turn because, well, they share a certain connection. But again, I assure you, that they will play more active roles in moving the story forward in the future chapters."

To be honest, even worse than the disparaging remarks was the lack of retaliation from the canon characters. There are only three people Li Shang would tolerate criticism from: the Emperor, General Li, and Chi Fu—and the last one only in private. So Dilandau’s a “foreign officer”—so what? Ancient China was very proud of its soldiery. A foreigner would be less respected, not more so, and there's no real reason that Shang would HAVE to be polite when he is being openly mocked.

It’s good to see that you’re willing to improve and that you have a plan for your future chapters. It will be interesting to see what unfolds as the story progresses. I'll keep reading!

Intense. Very interesting. I'm really looking forward to reading more.

sounds good, update soon!

M-hm, I see. More precisely, I see why you had to beg for reviews in some of your chapters. It has nothing to do with the quality of your writing. It's the *fan* part, rather than the fiction part, that a reader might question.

I wouldn't give this critical a review if I didn't think you were capable of handling it, so to put it bluntly: you have not convinced me that you are a fan of Mulan.

I'd like you to tell me what function these crossover characters serve. How do they make the Mulan story better? (In this crossover, remember, Escaflowne is the guest fandom, not the host fandom. In other words, since this fic is posted in the Mulan section, it is the Escaflowne characters who must justify their existence.) As far as I can tell, these characters and your OC have nothing constructive to do in the fic. You've written no one strong enough to challenge them, thereby banishing any suspense they might have brought. They seem to think themselves above forming real friendships with the Mulan cast--or if not, the "friendship" is only of the most patronizing sort. If they added something to the plot, the storyline would have undergone a much more drastic change. If they existed to champion the Mulan canon characters, the Escaflowne inserts wouldn't berate, belittle, or talk down to the canon cast at every turn. The heroes of Mulan didn't need any help accomplishing their goals in the movie, so the Escaflowne characters obviously aren't here to help--whatever the characters themselves might say.

In fact, from what I've read, it seems that they're primarily here to showcase how superior they are in every way to the characters of Mulan. How nice for them. But unless that changes, your story is not exactly going to endear itself to the Mulan fanbase, despite your writing skills.

So far, the story reads like a bunch of people roleplaying as Escaflowne characters while watching Mulan and making wisecracks at the TV. Even if the wisecracks are well-done, why would fans of Mulan want to see or hear them? Plus, all fandom issues aside, it's a heck of a lot less interesting to watch people smirk from the sidelines than it is to watch the canon antics of the Wu Zhong camp. Please, tone the inserts down. If not, you might find yourself more at home in Escaflowne.

haha this is an awsome story cant wait to see what happens next

I'm a little confused. Did you go back in time? Anyway, great chapter. I really got a kick out of this one. Looking forward to reading more!

cant wait for the update! sounds good!

Very ineresting. I like it. Looking forward to reading more!!

This is fun. I enjoyed reading what you have so far and was disappointed when it ended. I loved the "try and keep the red dragon out of trouble" line.

Okay, I'm impressed. This is very good so far. Keep it up!^_^