|Reviews for Beautiful Liar|
| Tattersail 7/22/09 . chapter 13
oh, no, poor Mina! I did not see that coming.
This chapter was fun, very well-written, very exciting.
Btw, Mina's mother used a rifle, not a shotgun:P
| Tattersail 7/22/09 . chapter 12
What an exciting chapter. Is this it for Ron and Mina? Will Mina ever forgive John?
Very good dialogue in this chapter:)
| Tattersail 7/22/09 . chapter 10
I can feel the tension. This is good:)
| Tattersail 6/18/09 . chapter 9
Well, well, well, what do we have here? A mr. Erikson? Nice choice of name. He seems to good to be true and John really is dense. Boys!
| Tattersail 6/18/09 . chapter 7
Danger, danger! High Voltage! Hehe. John and Mina sitting in a tree…Nevermind me, your story is coming along great. I’m just gonna run over to Chapter 8 to see what happens in the Danger Room.
| Tattersail 6/15/09 . chapter 6
Wee, Mina finally has friends. And she gets to hang out with other cool mutants. What gives Silence her name, I wonder? Keep up the good work!
| Tattersail 6/15/09 . chapter 5
A nice set-up for the rest of the story, I think. Kinda like the Midnight Tides of your story:P
| Tattersail 6/3/09 . chapter 4
Awesome chapter! It was so much fun to read, well, it was a tragic read really. I mean, she did kill her family. The scene with Mina's mother is very well written, I loved that part. But I'm surpised she managed to do so much, considering she was riddled with bullet holes. A shot to the abdomen will bleed you out pretty fast.
Well done! I'm off to the next chapter now:)
| Charlie Drear 3/22/09 . chapter 18
this story is great. can't wait for the sequel.
| Matt the Batman Fan 12/29/08 . chapter 18
After reading this story and the sequel that follows it, I can understand why I've grown to like Mina. The ending was definitely rushed but I can definitely see that you've got a good idea here. It just needs the time to focus on the why instead of the how.
| Matt the Batman Fan 12/29/08 . chapter 17
Okay, I like the connection made with Logan but it does seem a little sudden given how the situation has developed. The idea of Mina losing her humanity within her own power, the very thing that the Westchester Institute is trying to stop, is a nice idea too. Additionally, Mina's turning into people and creatures she feels comfortable with and around is a good thing too although it never hurts to add just a little bit more detail.
It is still a little sudden though. I can understand how you would want to go this route given how you've set up the bad guys but it can be kind of hard to "see" what's going on if you don't know more about why these people should be hurt and how the good guys should be taking them on. The message of being hateful towards something you're afraid of or don't understand is all well and good but we also have to see why this one differs from the last one. What makes it more interesting.
That being said, I still love Mina's character and the way you interpret her. And, with that, I'm off to read the conclusion!
| Matt the Batman Fan 12/29/08 . chapter 16
First of all, I really liked how you wrote out Pyro's response to Mina being in danger. The lighter thing was a little obvious but, of course, we tend to go for the predictable when we're in a panic.
The thing with the anti-mutants is beginning to look a little sudden now, especially with the story coming to a close. It's an interesting idea, of course, but establishing a connection with the antagonists of the story before the confrontation is usually a good thing. The stuff with Ron was good but it's just something to remember for the next time. (And there will be a next time, right?)
| Matt the Batman Fan 12/21/08 . chapter 15
Horn-rimmed glasses symbolize evil? And here I thought it was just a bad fashion statement.
Once again, this was another well-fashioned chapter although the lack of length behind it made room for a lot of missed details. How could Silence possibly sneak past the two most powerful telepaths on the planet? I did like that Silence pieced together some of her friend's emotional puzzle pieces. Maybe it was a bit too blunt to be done just purely inside her head (maybe it would have worked better if she spoke to her brother or Xavier about it) but I hope she realizes the extent of her friend's problem.
Once again, you clearly have the talent to write a good story. Just don't be afraid to take some time and really paint the scene around you. It can be hella uncomfortable to try out (don't ask me why I'm throwing South Park terminology in here) but it can make a story a whole lot better when done right.
Just some friendly words of advice, friend of Batchild.
| Matt the Batman Fan 12/21/08 . chapter 13
I liked Mina going back to face her fears and the detail you put into Mina remembering what happened there with what is going through her head. Once again, you established Mina using her powers during times of great stress and that's a good message to stick too.
The Ron thing was a bit predictable but I still want to see where it goes especially with so small amount of time left in the story. Still, I find it kind of odd that Xavier would have mutant haters so close to his school, let alone not sense them.
I liked the Mina and Silence interaction and I wished that there was more of it. There was nothing wrong with the chapter on the whole except that it could have been developed more. More of what Mina was thinking on her way to her old home, more of what she was thinking before going there, and more of how Silence is thinking about what her best friend is going through. That kind of stuff, though difficult to write, is what keeps a lot of readers coming back to a story.
Oh, and I won't apologize for critiquing this time since you've said that you appreciate it. Besides, according to this little message below, I should use this golden opportunity to offer well deserve praise and/or tips for improvement so I figure I might as well roll with that. Don't want to irritate the status quo, after all.
| Matt the Batman Fan 12/21/08 . chapter 12
As God is my witness, I WILL finish this story before the week is up.
I liked Mina's reaction to her secret sort of falling apart around her. It was a bit juvenile but, in her defense, it's also her first relationship. The conversations between Pyro and Silence continues to be one of the strong points of this story and you've definitely got it set up so that John has got a lot of explaining to do for his actions.
I would have still liked to see a little bit more about what happened over the course of the last three years, if only to see how John and Mina's relationship got to this point, but you've played the transition fairly well in as far as the main characters. The only other nitpick is just a few typos and sentence errors but, hey, the only way that can be improved is just by keeping on writing and reviewing what you write to see what works.
Not bad, Lady of Angst.