this is freakin awesome i totally agree with the comment about Raine she talks way too much i think id die if i had to listen to one of her lectures

Hm, this seems to be one of those stories where the OC's aren't all that annoying. XD

Update?

-SilverMoon8

Lloyd is acting kinda like a douche, but other than that I must say i like it...n.n Lol.

Awesome story. You came up with a really unique idea. But shouldn't have Kratos noticed that he has been missing?

Luna's worse than Gnome? XD Either way, I love Luna. XP

I don't see Lloyd simply ditching Raine like that so quickly. He chose Undine - who he knew for a few days it seems - over Raine, who he knew for years.

Of course Chey wouldn't be startled by Llyod's outburst, and how the gang's all "I'm staying away from him."

Um... Whatever happened to Kratos training Lloyd? And how Lloyd disappears all the time? Kratos would normally get suspicious.

Good Luck.
SoS

Sorry, I sent that last review before looking at your reply.

Lloyd has tattoos? That's... awesome. o_O

"This was the kind of thing Lloyd excelled in, being thrown headfirst into the thick of things and figuring it out for himself." -This is saying that Kratos is a bad teacher, you know. Which is not true. =P

Hmm... That training scene was good as well. This was a lot better than last time. =)

Good Luck.
SoS

-Is trying to ignore the OC-
...
I can't ignore this part. Why would the others simply let Chey go and find Lloyd? Why can't they do it? How can they trust him? Because this seems more centered on Chey than it is on Lloyd. Or anyone else for that matter. It's all Chey. He's there. Throught the entire chapter. And then there's this:

"but there was something in those clear eyes that told him that the elf actually cared." -What, and the others didn't care?

I'm sorry, but it's hard to not focus on Chey - it's all about him. And then there's him going "I know every darn thing in the world" again. Like with the exsphere, and then with dwarven arts; he's making Lloyd - who grew up learning about dwarven arts and exspheres - seem like some stupid fool who doesn't know what the heck he's talking about. And what's worse is that Lloyd agrees with him. And when he knew about Undine's other form...

But I did like the physcial summoning. Although I have image blocking and can't see Undine in this form.

"It seemed to go against all the principles that Raine had taught him and his friends, but it made a lot more sense than her complex theories." -Twitch- There it is again...

This chapter was good except for the fact that it seemed more focused on Chey than Lloyd. It's fine that he's there, but not when he's the center of attention.

Good Luck.
SoS

This story sounds good so far - an interesting plot with the Summon Spirits. Especially with Lloyd being able to 'Summon' Undine in some human-like form. =) (I looked at later chapters.)

Although there is something that's both illogical AND annoying~! =) Care to guess what that is?
...
That's right - your OC. He's probably the only thing I found utterly annoying in this story. First off, if he's an ELF (and not a half-elf) he should be dead - and not because I would want him to be either. Seeing that there were no elven villages in Sylvarant, it is safe to assume that they died out because of the severe mana depletion. So how is he alive? Even if he came from the Otherworldly Gate, he wouldn't last long. And how can he visit "Un" (Which also sounds arrogant to call a Summon Spirit, willing or not) when the seal is blocked off because of the Chosen's Journey and she's asleep before Colette awakens her? (I realize the Summon Spirits have no gender, but it's easier to associate gender with them, and that elves live a long time, but as I mentioned earlier, he should have been dead by the time Undine was reawakened.) That's Garty-Stue in out of itself - and I'm just starting.

Added to the fact that with his dramatic opening, sounding oh-so-cool with his first line. And making EVERYONE (including Raine and Kratos) make an 'unintelligent "Huh?" is doing them OOC so he's that much better. He knows Kratos (whose 'growling' is OOC for him) and he acts like he knows everything - wait, I forgot. He DOES know everything - how the elements work, the supposed 'Summoning' Lloyd is capable of, and probably knows what Kratos really is.

Now, if you were withholding information about him for use in further chapters and didn't want to spoil anything, I would understand that (As that is what I'm doing for the few OCs I have) and would apologize for it.

However, I will apologize now with my dealing with OCs. I hate the use of unnecessary OCs in... pretty much every kind of story save an except few. And this story would get along just fine without Chey.

Other than the OC, everything else was fine - even great at some parts. I really want to see more of this, despite my obvious distaste to Chey. =D

Good Luck.
SoS

so glad to be seeing more of this story! keep up the good work! and I can't wait to see Lloyd start to master the other elemnts as well!

hm this is interesting haven't read something like this before... are u going to have this be one of the stories where he will hide his special abilities from the group than whip it out at a big battle?

OH! Cool tattos! I wonder how Lloyd knows all this stuff...hm...interesting...>3

Udine gets a better spot! -nods- Wow, this is a unique spin on things. -nods-

Tenchi? As in 'heaven and earth'? The entire 'world'? -confused-

Well, I can't wait until I see Lloyd running around, kicking some serious butt with more powers! ((MUwahahahahaha!!)) And, of course, I wouldn't mind seeing Sylph and Celcius come by as well.

Hm...I wonder where that random burst of info. came from, however...

Sweet another chapter woot!
^_^

the whole physical mana type thingy is cool

I was trying to review...
wouldn't load though...
Good story, just keep it up man, I'm inerested...
very