“Yes well, if only I could aim that well in the bathroom..."

LOL! Funny stuff! :)





Robo Santa and the Robot Devil are probably my favorite minor characters. My favorite major characters are Zoidberg and Bender, of course. :)

Just so you know, you aren't supposed to use shortcuts in titles. X-Mas is NOT a proper way to spell Christmas. Didn't you learn that back in your first grade special ed class? That's right... you didn't pass.

This story sucked monkey balls.

Infact, you do ^_^

I believe someone already mentioned this, but your A/Ns should be separated from the story.

I've noticed you use "as" way too much. For instance, (“What are you looking at dork.” She yelled as she was pointing at Gord.) It could simply be: ("What are you looking at, dork?" She yelled, pointing to Gord.) Try to use the word "as" only if it's extremely necessary.

Another thing is: avoid using "responded" as a dialogue tag. Just use the word said.

As for story stuff, I found this quite funny, especially the scene with Robo Santa chasing and shooting Gord. Macaroni with cheese bits and Cheetos doesn't sound so bad either. Continue with your writing.

-Dirk

Hey, I just read chapter one. It was a little rough but it definitely had potential. Some of the comebacks could do with more vocabulary inspired humour i.e. using words no one has even thought of since the 19th century which is practically Matt Groaning's trademark. But you can get that edge easily by reading the transcripts or reading in general. To get insanely simplistic with it "think outside the box man, make it so you don't even, like, see the box". But even if the verbal humour was a little sketchy in places the situational humour was ace and, like the hokey-pokey, that's really what it's all about. I mean Farnsworth not recognising Gord until he brought it down to chemical warfare was pretty hilarous. It reminded me of this show I watch, Father Ted, where one character tries to remind another character of a complicated series of events involving fires, helicopter rescues and lions that occured on one day in the second character's life. Anyway character B doesn't remember until character A tells him he was wearing his blue jumper at the time. Yours was definitely up there with that which is pretty much as high as it gets for me. I know you won't mind the con-crit because you clearly have no qualms about it when you're reviewing. And if you have the time I'd appreciate it if you'd drop me a line and tell me what you think of my story. It's not a humour-centric fic and you mightn't know the character but I'd appreciate an outsider's input. Anyway I really enjoyed your piece and if you want to widen your verbal vocab just listen closely to Stewie in family guy or watch shows such as Daria and Veronica Mars, another good idea is watching stand-ups perform. They always have to know what's fresh or they die on stage. Sorry about the mega-long review. Bye now.

Holy shitaki mushrooms, must you people write the longest stories in the world?! ;^)

So. You *can* include the title in the actual story if you want, but it's pretty unnecessary. And if you're going to have an A/N, make sure you separate it from the rest of the story. I always use FF's page break.

Also, you donn't need a period after a parenthesis if it's in the middle of a sentence.

I also see that you, like many others, are mixing up your tenses. Example: "He seen Bender and Fry drinking beers watching 'All My Circuits Christmas special.'"
should be
"He saw Bender and Fry drinking beers, watching the 'All My Circuits Christmas special.'
I changed a few other things, obviously.

No matter the punctuation, you always make the first letter following the dialogue - excluding all proper nouns, of course -lowercase. Example: “'Gord! Stop! You’re going to step on the trap!' She yelled as she rushed to him."
should be
"'Gord! Stop! You're going to step on the track!' *s*he yelled as she rushed to him."

Also, you don't need a period after a hypen (-). And you get a little exclaimation mark happy. :^P Try to lay off them and use them only when *really* necessary.

Ooh - talk about some run-on sentences! Example: “'Yes well, if only I could aim that well in the bathroom, but never mind that, right now I must add a nuclear missile to the angry dome, you can’t say angry without being able to blow up your enemies in a million pieces.' Said the maniacal Professor as he exited the room with an evil laugh."
should be
“'Yes, well, if only I could aim that well in the bathroom. But never mind that. Right now I must add a nuclear missile to the angry dome, and you can’t say angry without being able to blow up your enemies in a million pieces,' said the maniacal Professor as he exited the room with an evil laugh."

Sometimes short and simple sentences are better, especially when you're dealing with an action scene. Also, you need commas after interjections (like 'yes', 'well', 'no', etc).

And when you're addressing someone, you need a comma, too. Example:
"'Cram it meatbag.'"
should be
"'Cram it*,* meatbag"

But...um...oh, I'm getting lazy again. :^P So my real advice to you is this: before you write the next chapter, I think you should really tone up on your grammar and - especially - your comma uses. Because...sometimes it's hard to read. So. If you'd like, I can con-crit one of your later chapters. :^)

Sorry for having to review a bit later than I usually do... Cross country started, and with this new insane coach (who's actually a bit like Robot Santa in his own manical way) I've been busy as hell... Oh, and as for flame rising, I actually thought his rant was rather amusing. I wish /I/ could think up witty insults like that when I flame someone... -grumbles- Less brain cells than teeth... Honestly, where does he come up with that? It's bloddy /brilliant/...

Oh, right- the chapter! I love the part with Kif prososing to Amy! It was spot on- especially Kif's stutters when he's nervous. The chapter was really well organized, with Robot Santa going to all of the different members of the Planet Express and all. The scene with Bender and the laptop was great. I hope everyone will be okay!

I'd ask you to update soon, but you're already great about that. ;)

ttfn,

-Audrey

Whoa. Robot Santa's in control now. Glad you made this fic. :D

meh, flame rising is alright, he's just a flamer it's what he does.

Okay, DO NOT listen to Flame Rising. He is a jerk who goes around slamming people's stories for stupid reasons because it makes him feel big.

I personally like this story and hope you will continue. Especially cause I want to see Kif propose to Amy. :D

Hehehe... I love Robot Santa, too. Specially his elves. ("So that explains your breezy shorts." "...Um... Yeah...") You got everyone's character down pat.

I always start cracking up whenever you reference the angry dome- that part in Kif Get Knocked Up a Notch was absolutely hilarious... It earned one of my explosive laughs that are super loud and annoying, and wake up everyone in the vicinity.

I'm really interested in this Jeanne O'Connor (it's not a bad name...). Poor Gordy, what with his alcoholic parents and all. =(

Update soon! (unlike me with my fic... boohoo. D:)

-Audrey

Robot Santa is cool too, but I like Bender better. Sounds like Gord is in big danger (well duh, it's robo santa)! :P